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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.
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Anonymous
Honestly op, kinda this. It’s your dd’s wedding. Your good friend had a conflict. It would have been nice if she had been able to attend but she’s not. It seems a bit off that you see her attendance as a requirement. |
Anonymous
| I agree with others above that she does not have a strong obligation to attend your dd's wedding when she has other close friends who are getting married at the same time. She did not RSVP until you manipulated her into coming, even when she offered a really valid reason for not attending. Then she stated over and over again why she could not make it and you threw a hissy fit. It's not your party so why is it so important that your friends attend? |
Anonymous
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Does your DD or her fiance even want YOUR friend to come?
Why is MIL (you) inviting her friends to her DD's wedding? That's odd. Is your husband inviting his friends to his DD's wedding? |
Anonymous
Put yourself in your friend’s shoes. This other person may well be part of her day to day life and future social plans in ways that your daughter just isn’t and won’t be. She knew your daughter growing up, which is lovely, but do you think that when she’s lonely she’s going to call up your daughter or your daughter is going to look in on her when she gets old? I doubt that very much. YOU are part of her life, but that doesn’t mean she needs to put her own life on hold every time something happens in yours. |
Anonymous
| OP here, understood & absorbed! I hear what DCUM is saying and will make adjustments. |
Anonymous
^^ pardon — something happens in the lives of people close to you. It’s one degree removed from your personal friendship. |
Anonymous
| Your friend should have been up front and RSVP'd no and you should have left it at that. And you should have left it at that when she said no when you asked. |
Anonymous
| You are overreacting OP. This isn’t your wedding. Your daughter isn’t close to this woman and neither is her fiancé. Please put this in perspective and understand that this day isn’t about you— honestly how much time the day of your daughters wedding were you going to spend with this one particular woman? Won’t you be supporting your daughter? |
Anonymous
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OP here. I will definitely connect with her again after the wedding, and I'm sure - with all this feedback in mind - I will be open to the conversation. Clearly I let my DD's wedding get in my head to the point where I was being unreasonable.
Thanks all! |
Anonymous
Very gracious response, OP 👏 - I applaud you, rare to see on DCUM. |
Anonymous
Good luck and enjoy it! |
Anonymous
| OP, you put her in a difficult position and she reacted by trying to please you. I had multiple dear friends and family members miss my wedding. Some had other weddings to go to. Others couldn’t afford it. Under no circumstances did I push back against the no’s. Give yourself grace; you pushed back because you love her and really wanted you there. Give her that grace, too. |
Anonymous
| Wow this is a rarity where I have *less* sympathy with the OP than the rest of DCUM. I’m shocked you gave her such a hard time (repeatedly!) with the fact she said no in the first place and honestly think you owe her an apology of acting as if your friendship was conditional on her attendance at a specific event. You seem to be acting as if she did something wrong and *still* owes you an apology while she seems to have been more than gracious with your pushiness. When you reach back out, I would lead with an apology of giving her a hard time rather than your rather condescending messsge of forgiveness. I’m astonished your friend still picks up your calls tbh. |
Anonymous
| Dragging her feet and missing the rsvp date and waiting for OP to call and ask was wrong of the friend. OP was wrong for not accepting the friend’s initial decision to decline and then guilting and badgering her into changing her mind (for a time). You’d think as mother of the bride OP would have better and more important things to do than pressure a 20 year friend. The bride doesn’t care, I guarantee that. And the fact that the friend introduced the other couple who is getting married I seems like a big and valid reason why the friend felt she should be at that event instead. Friend handled the final decision terribly but OP guilted her into a corner. Lots of guilt to be shared here |
Anonymous
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This was a great thread. Almost everyone was thoughtful, as was OP who was truly open to the advice given.
I also want to commend OP and many PPs on the use of short paragraphs, and paragraph breaks. It made it easy to read. |