What's the problem with dating a separated person?

[Anonymous]

He’s still married, for one. And unless he’s a robot he’s still very much grieving that marriage and he’s still thinking about what went wrong and he’s still hurt and mad at her. Alllll that will come up in your relationship in surprising ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hit it off with a guy who is recently separated. He is fully moved out and lives alone (I've been to his place many times). Everyone says to avoid dating people whose divorces aren't finalized, but what is the issue? If he wants to get back together with his ex, there's nothing I could do to stop that, and that could happen whether divorced or not.

So you like being the rebound? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s still married, for one. And unless he’s a robot he’s still very much grieving that marriage and he’s still thinking about what went wrong and he’s still hurt and mad at her. Alllll that will come up in your relationship in surprising ways.

That is complete rubbish.

I was in a dead marriage for a number of years, yet provided for a stable home for by children until they went off to college, and had money set aside for them to graduate debt-free.]

Once I separated from my ex- years after marriage counseling collapsed, there was no grieving whatsoever. None. I had done what so many here on DCUM espouse - provided stability for my children. Once they were young adults living elsewhere, I had a tremendous sense of relief and peace.

[Anonymous]

It’s just dating - there’s no issue whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

This^.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s still married, for one. And unless he’s a robot he’s still very much grieving that marriage and he’s still thinking about what went wrong and he’s still hurt and mad at her. Alllll that will come up in your relationship in surprising ways.

That is complete rubbish.

I was in a dead marriage for a number of years, yet provided for a stable home for by children until they went off to college, and had money set aside for them to graduate debt-free.]

Once I separated from my ex- years after marriage counseling collapsed, there was no grieving whatsoever. None. I had done what so many here on DCUM espouse - provided stability for my children. Once they were young adults living elsewhere, I had a tremendous sense of relief and peace.

Adults I know who had parents who did this, and who found out their parents stayed together just for them have a lot of issues processing that. It's not so altruistic as you seem to think it is. Maybe best to do some therapy and figure out why you seem to think you're the only one who's opinion mattered here. Did your kids agree to this bs fake upbringing? Did your wife agree to spend however many years with you knowing you were leaving asap after kids left?

[Anonymous]

Those dating while separated were almost always cheating during the marriage, so it's no big deal to them to continue doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

This^.

Really trying to understand why this is important if the couple has agreed they are separated. I am married but if my husband and I separated and decided we no longer wanted to be romantically involved or have any kind of relationship and moved to separate residences and did not have contact with each other I would not feel as though he was cheating if he slept with or dated someone else.

Every situation is different in terms of if someone is emotionally ready to date or if it’s a good idea to do so but the paperwork is just paperwork if the couple has decided mutually they are no longer going to function as a married couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those dating while separated were almost always cheating during the marriage, so it's no big deal to them to continue doing that.

Not true at all! I waited 5 years to finally divorce DH after knowing for sure it was over, us going to couples counseling, and individual therapy the whole time. By the time he moved out, I was fully healed and ready to date. I NEVER cheated during the marriage. That is bs.

[Anonymous]

Why not? Lots of drama, potential to go back to family, you might just be a first fling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those dating while separated were almost always cheating during the marriage, so it's no big deal to them to continue doing that.

Not true at all! I waited 5 years to finally divorce DH after knowing for sure it was over, us going to couples counseling, and individual therapy the whole time. By the time he moved out, I was fully healed and ready to date. I NEVER cheated during the marriage. That is bs.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

+1

-2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

+1

-2

+4

[Anonymous]

Does his ex understand that he’s dating or do they think there’s a chance that they can get back together? Also, with kids, just don’t. It’s a bad example to date before being divorced, even if the marriage is really over.