What's the problem with dating a separated person?

[Anonymous]

I hit it off with a guy who is recently separated. He is fully moved out and lives alone (I've been to his place many times). Everyone says to avoid dating people whose divorces aren't finalized, but what is the issue? If he wants to get back together with his ex, there's nothing I could do to stop that, and that could happen whether divorced or not.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is a roller coaster. Not a fun one. My SO and I got together while we were both separated. It was worth it. We made it fully through. But we are both scarred.

[Anonymous]

He's married.

[Anonymous]

I am divorced. I think it is fine. My divorce took two years. In retrospect it was completely stupid not to date. The marriage had been dead for years already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced. I think it is fine. My divorce took two years. In retrospect it was completely stupid not to date. The marriage had been dead for years already.

Dead or not. Married is married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

So? Both spouses have agreed to split up and date other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced. I think it is fine. My divorce took two years. In retrospect it was completely stupid not to date. The marriage had been dead for years already.

Dead or not. Married is married.

What if they had an open marriage? How is that different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am divorced. I think it is fine. My divorce took two years. In retrospect it was completely stupid not to date. The marriage had been dead for years already.

Dead or not. Married is married.

What if they had an open marriage? How is that different?

Start your own forum if you want. This isn’t about open marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

So? Both spouses have agreed to split up and date other people.

They’re married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

So? Both spouses have agreed to split up and date other people.

Nope, who wants to date someone who is still married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

So? Both spouses have agreed to split up and date other people.

Don’t get married.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I don’t think it’s necessarily an issue. When I started dating I was legally separated and we were just working out some of the financial issues and waiting for the mandatory separation period to run out. We were fully separated, physically and emotionally. None of the guys I met online dating cared that the divorce wasn’t final yet. My current SO, when we started dating, was still tying loose ends in his divorce. It can take a couple of years for everything to be completely done. If the people are truly done and separated and moving on, there’s no reason to wait for the decree to be final.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's married.

So? Both spouses have agreed to split up and date other people.

+1 untangling the financial partnership is paperwork.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is an ethical issue, but as a PP said, divorce is a roller coaster. You are dating someone who will be emotionally all over the map. And highly likely to want to play the field for a bit no matter how great you are. If you’re good with taking it easy and not having any expectation that this relationship will develop in an ordinary linear way, go for it. But If you are hoping for a serious, long term, committed relationship this is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. If they could wave a wand and be divorced they would be; they are only still married because of laws and courts that are outside their control. There’s probably more risk of reffing back together with ex, but that risk exists for people who were in long-term relationships that aren’t marriages. Good luck, OP, get it gurrll.