Were we supposed to bring a card $$ to the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NJ/NY wedding - my understanding is that registry gifts are for engagement parties and showers. People bring $$$ to the wedding.

I grew up in the Midwest OP and got married in my hometown- so I would have 100% understood your generous gift to be the wedding gift. Where I am from a shower gift is is something under $50 or even under $25 like a mixing bowl or a set of oven mitts.

I married into an Italian family from NJ and we hardly got anything we registered for and got mostly cash and checks.

Another Midwesterner here. Gifts are for the shower and cash is for the wedding in my Eastern Euro community.

Middle aged Hoosier here. I don't recall ever attending a wedding shower, only bridal showers where gifts were of a personal nature for the bride. What would you give at a wedding shower that you wouldn't give for the wedding? Giving cash would be considered incredibly rude.

Ooopss. I’ve been incredibly rude in the past.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how rude!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Where did OP go? Where in NY was weeding—NYC or somewhere else? Were you invited to that shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NJ/NY wedding - my understanding is that registry gifts are for engagement parties and showers. People bring $$$ to the wedding.

I grew up in the Midwest OP and got married in my hometown- so I would have 100% understood your generous gift to be the wedding gift. Where I am from a shower gift is is something under $50 or even under $25 like a mixing bowl or a set of oven mitts.

I married into an Italian family from NJ and we hardly got anything we registered for and got mostly cash and checks.

Another Midwesterner here. Gifts are for the shower and cash is for the wedding in my Eastern Euro community.

Middle aged Hoosier here. I don't recall ever attending a wedding shower, only bridal showers where gifts were of a personal nature for the bride. What would you give at a wedding shower that you wouldn't give for the wedding? Giving cash would be considered incredibly rude.

Ooopss. I’ve been incredibly rude in the past.

I have only ever been incredibly rude, apparently.

[Anonymous]

I usually give cash or a gift card to whatever store the couple is registered at, since they can often buy things that weren't purchased by guests at a discount later on.

A good friend of mine actually specified that guests give her Target gift cards instead of actually purchasing anything off their baby registry, because they were in the middle of a move and didn't want to have to move gifts and because they could buy everything later for 30% off.

[Anonymous]

I have given money to help defray hospital and/or funeral expenses but never for a wedding gift. If you need to beg your guests for money to go on your honeymoon then go to the nearest Holiday Inn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NJ/NY wedding - my understanding is that registry gifts are for engagement parties and showers. People bring $$$ to the wedding.

I grew up in the Midwest OP and got married in my hometown- so I would have 100% understood your generous gift to be the wedding gift. Where I am from a shower gift is is something under $50 or even under $25 like a mixing bowl or a set of oven mitts.

I married into an Italian family from NJ and we hardly got anything we registered for and got mostly cash and checks.

Another Midwesterner here. Gifts are for the shower and cash is for the wedding in my Eastern Euro community.

Middle aged Hoosier here. I don't recall ever attending a wedding shower, only bridal showers where gifts were of a personal nature for the bride. What would you give at a wedding shower that you wouldn't give for the wedding? Giving cash would be considered incredibly rude.

Ooopss. I’ve been incredibly rude in the past.

I think we've seen, from this thread alone, different communities have different traditions - and times are changing. I've also never heard of a wedding shower, only bridal showers. Seems like another gift grab.

[Anonymous]

From what I've seen close friends/family are the only ones invited to both the bridal shower and wedding. Yes you traditionally give a gift at both events. They don't need to be large, but definitely a faux pax not giving at least a card at the wedding.

[Anonymous]

No faux pas was done because OP gave a card and a gift ALREADY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New England Italian, and yes, we give gifts from the registry for the shower and cash in a card at the wedding. BUT you never ask why if someone didn’t give you cash. That’s rude as hell.

Do would you expect the same from non-New England-Italians? Doesn’t sound like OP is from that specific ethnic group. Maybe MOB needs to get out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NJ/NY wedding - my understanding is that registry gifts are for engagement parties and showers. People bring $$$ to the wedding.

I grew up in the Midwest OP and got married in my hometown- so I would have 100% understood your generous gift to be the wedding gift. Where I am from a shower gift is is something under $50 or even under $25 like a mixing bowl or a set of oven mitts.

I married into an Italian family from NJ and we hardly got anything we registered for and got mostly cash and checks.

Another Midwesterner here. Gifts are for the shower and cash is for the wedding in my Eastern Euro community.

Middle aged Hoosier here. I don't recall ever attending a wedding shower, only bridal showers where gifts were of a personal nature for the bride. What would you give at a wedding shower that you wouldn't give for the wedding? Giving cash would be considered incredibly rude.

Ooopss. I’ve been incredibly rude in the past.

I think we've seen, from this thread alone, different communities have different traditions - and times are changing. I've also never heard of a wedding shower, only bridal showers. Seems like another gift grab.

I’ve been to co-ed wedding showers but the gifts were definitely not expensive and more casual like housewarming/personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From what I've seen close friends/family are the only ones invited to both the bridal shower and wedding. Yes you traditionally give a gift at both events. They don't need to be large, but definitely a faux pax not giving at least a card at the wedding.

It’s a worse faux pax to expect a gift and to ask someone where it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have given money to help defray hospital and/or funeral expenses but never for a wedding gift. If you need to beg your guests for money to go on your honeymoon then go to the nearest Holiday Inn.

But do you give a gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like OP attended a shower before the wedding, hence MOB was mistaken in labeling the gift a shower gift. Do people really give $250 shower gifts who are not close relatives of the couple?

If she didn’t attend a shower then MIL’s comments were even ruder, basically referring to an event OP wasn’t invited to!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like OP attended a shower before the wedding, hence MOB was mistaken in labeling the gift a shower gift. Do people really give $250 shower gifts who are not close relatives of the couple?

If she didn’t attend a shower then MIL’s comments were even ruder, basically referring to an event OP wasn’t invited to!

+1. Clearly, MOB expected both. Smh