Were we supposed to bring a card $$ to the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Local Ny'er here and for weddings especially Italian you give cash the day of the wedding. Gifts are for showers or house warming parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We sent a wedding gift off the registry a month or two before the wedding (about $250). Got a thank you card saying "Thank you for the shower gift. Look forward to seeing you at the wedding."

Didn't think much of it, wedding came and went, now a month later we got a text from mother of the bride saying "Bride and groom got back from Aruba. They were doing their thank you notes but didn't see a card from you in the card box. There may have been a mistake so we wanted to check with you."

Did we make a mistake sending the wedding gift too early? Was it a faux pas not to bring a card for the card box? Is that a regional/cultural thing we might have missed, southerner marrying into big NY Italian family? They did have a big card box at the reception, no gift table that I saw. We just did the registry after getting the invitation since traveling with a baby we didn't want to transport a gift.

Extremely rude of the mother. I'd reply brightly/sweetly "Actually Rob and Anne already sent us a lovely thank you note for our gift, which was the [insert gift here] from their registry. It was a lovely wedding, Congratulations again!"

[Anonymous]

So tacky that MOB did this. You are fine OP. I would be mortified if my mother did something like this (not that she would)! Is this NY/NJ/NE cash at the wedding thing new? My mother is from NY so we had lots of NY'ers at our wedding and nobody brought cash/checks. They bought items off our registry but that was 20+ years ago. Maybe there has been a shift?

[Anonymous]

It would never occur to me to bring a card with $$$ if I sent the couple something off their registry.

For the PP who never gives money: We've been invited to four weddings this year (all over the country) where the only thing on the registry was the opportunity to donate to the couple's honeymoon and/or house fund. Millennials don't want toaster ovens, they want cash.

[Anonymous]

Extremely rude of the mother. I'd reply brightly/sweetly "Actually Rob and Anne already sent us a lovely thank you note for our gift, which was the [insert gift here] from their registry. It was a lovely wedding, Congratulations again!"

Perfect response. It was so crass for the mother to contact you. Someone literally had to cross check a list to do that.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is no "suppose to'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Local Ny'er here and for weddings especially Italian you give cash the day of the wedding. Gifts are for showers or house warming parties.

Non-Italian and non-New Yorker here. That is the case, where I am from, also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Local Ny'er here and for weddings especially Italian you give cash the day of the wedding. Gifts are for showers or house warming parties.

I'm from Long Island and have NEVER heard of this. Showers get gifts, registry is for wedding gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you got caught in family/regional differences. I’m the same. My husband’s family (Asian background *and* from the northeast) only give money. My family (wasps from the south) only give items, never money. And like you, always sends presents ahead. My grandmother would rise from my grave and haunt me if I gave someone a check for their wedding or took a present to the wedding. 😄

I generally just let my husband be in charge of presents for his family. He knows the expectations and will consult with his mother to make sure we give the right amount. And since he’s the one doing it, my grandmother won’t haunt me!

No big deal, just reply to say you sent the present (and specify what it was) to the house before the wedding.

(But wow, I feel like it was kind of rude of the MOB to inquire)

+1

It is super WASPY to throw sh*t at people, demand they register, give more stuff, then complain about how much stuff someone has.

The irony!

Money is what most people need, if any gift at all, OP. It is really just a token. I mean really, they might just end up donating it - so what?

My friends got married late 20's, lived on their own for years, and had very little space in their condos, so they did not need any stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NJ/NY wedding - my understanding is that registry gifts are for engagement parties and showers. People bring $$$ to the wedding.

I grew up in the Midwest OP and got married in my hometown- so I would have 100% understood your generous gift to be the wedding gift. Where I am from a shower gift is is something under $50 or even under $25 like a mixing bowl or a set of oven mitts.

I married into an Italian family from NJ and we hardly got anything we registered for and got mostly cash and checks.

Nope! I'm a 6th generation Italian NYer and we register for wedding GIFTS and showers are separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So tacky that MOB did this. You are fine OP. I would be mortified if my mother did something like this (not that she would)! Is this NY/NJ/NE cash at the wedding thing new? My mother is from NY so we had lots of NY'ers at our wedding and nobody brought cash/checks. They bought items off our registry but that was 20+ years ago. Maybe there has been a shift?

Cash at the wedding is not new. We were married in Virginia 20 years ago and 99% of wedding gifts were money. Shower gifts were off the registers. I didn’t care either way and would have been pissed if MIL sent that to anyone, how rude!

[Anonymous]

This is precisely why I stopped going to weddings unless they were for my nearest and dearest. There are regional differences certainly, and then there are people like this woman who would call to see if you gave anything.

[Anonymous]

New England Italian, and yes, we give gifts from the registry for the shower and cash in a card at the wedding. BUT you never ask why if someone didn’t give you cash. That’s rude as hell.

[Anonymous]

I think we can all agree, regardless of our religion or place of geographic origin that the MOB was completely rude and out of line.

[Anonymous]

Were you invited to a shower? Did you attend a shower?