Mean girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people who mentioned that smaller classes create a bigger problem (and this makes sense to me) what about a school like Sidwell that is actually a pretty large school with small classes? I think there are three (or is it 4?) sections per grade in middle school? Since the kids move around more in MS (instead of staying in one smaller cohort as in LS), does that create a bigger social climate and lessen bullying issues?

Sidwell is super cliquey in MS. But I’m not sure you can escape that anywhere because it’s MS.

[Anonymous]

Middles schools around here are 30-40 females and 30-40 males. And maybe 1/3 of those and gender confused so give or take that, esp amongst the bio girls.
That’s small, socially.

Furthermore, having 5th grade “middle schoolers” at events with 7th & 8th graders hasn’t been working very well socially here. Too many pressures and drama.

[Anonymous]

NCS MS is full of mean girls, and conflict-avoidant MS Director always looks the other way. Stronger leadership needed there for sake of kids.

[Anonymous]

There are certainly friends of mine who rave about NCS lower and middle school but more who who talk about how toxic it is. My friends who have girls in high school have told me they feel stuck and to send my daughter somewhere else. They would not choose NCS again. And the moms who seem to like it for their daughters are generally part of the mean mom crowd, not all but disproportionately so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middles schools around here are 30-40 females and 30-40 males. And maybe 1/3 of those and gender confused so give or take that, esp amongst the bio girls.
That’s small, socially.

Furthermore, having 5th grade “middle schoolers” at events with 7th & 8th graders hasn’t been working very well socially here. Too many pressures and drama. [/quote
1/3 of all middle schoolers are now gender confused, in your experience?! Seems high.]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of mean girls. Do your research.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of “mean girls”. Do your research.

Young girls need to know the following is not nice nor inclusive or even civil:

Telling other girls not to talk to XYZ girl
Telling other girls who to invite or not to things
Pushing
Lying to teachers about what you did
Telling other girls not to talk to girls who don’t wear masks
Making fun of lower/middle school girls who don’t have smartphones

So don’t raise a flying monkey chump that does a bully’s bidding. And do raise someone who avoids toxic people and knows simple things to say when it’s happening. Whether they’re the target or in the group.
The above examples were from a coed school; note the bully has double standards and only singles out girls to control or to bully and not boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of “mean girls”. Do your research.

Young girls need to know the following is not nice nor inclusive or even civil:

Telling other girls not to talk to XYZ girl
Telling other girls who to invite or not to things
Pushing
Lying to teachers about what you did
Telling other girls not to talk to girls who don’t wear masks
Making fun of lower/middle school girls who don’t have smartphones

So don’t raise a flying monkey chump that does a bully’s bidding. And do raise someone who avoids toxic people and knows simple things to say when it’s happening. Whether they’re the target or in the group.
The above examples were from a coed school; note the bully has double standards and only singles out girls to control or to bully and not boys.

There is peer pressure wear masks at your mask-optional school? I find that so surprising. If anything, I would have thought the opposite-- that kids who don't wear masks bully the kids that do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of “mean girls”. Do your research.

Young girls need to know the following is not nice nor inclusive or even civil:

Telling other girls not to talk to XYZ girl
Telling other girls who to invite or not to things
Pushing
Lying to teachers about what you did
Telling other girls not to talk to girls who don’t wear masks
Making fun of lower/middle school girls who don’t have smartphones

So don’t raise a flying monkey chump that does a bully’s bidding. And do raise someone who avoids toxic people and knows simple things to say when it’s happening. Whether they’re the target or in the group.
The above examples were from a coed school; note the bully has double standards and only singles out girls to control or to bully and not boys.

There is peer pressure wear masks at your mask-optional school? I find that so surprising. If anything, I would have thought the opposite-- that kids who don't wear masks bully the kids that do.

Girls are taught by their woke parents that people who don't wear masks are bad, so they think that they are being noble to mistreat classmates.

[Anonymous]

Girls can be MEAN, private, public, there's no difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of mean girls. Do your research.

np: I think that their pint is to label the behavior, not the person. But it’s hard not to use “mean girl” because the expression denotes not just exclusionary behavior but also attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of mean girls. Do your research.

np: I think that their pint is to label the behavior, not the person. But it’s hard not to use “mean girl” because the expression denotes not just exclusionary behavior but also attitude.

And a constant pattern of behavior makes the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls. Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?

I agree so much with this, sadly! Our family is two years post small private K-12 (2 kids there since K). The social jockeying is repulsive. And that's just the parents! Kids are cliquey and unwelcoming, way too attuned to material things and wealth, and generally spoiled. Mean girl culture is real. And I could see the origins in the moms who went to great lengths to socially engineer their daughters' friendships. Gross. There was a lot of gossiping about kids -- KIDS! -- coming from parents. You learn to have sharp elbows, opt out of the drama, and just navigate it all, for a really exceptional education. And yes DC is a special kind of crazy-making hothouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re relatively new to our school (LS, moving into middle) and apparently I was blissfully unaware that there is and has been a known group of mean girls. Like dark stuff said at school and over text. To the point where kids have left. Has anyone had this experience with a group of mean girls already being formed before middle school? I don’t know quite how to bring it up with other parents since we are relatively new.

Holton? Stone Ridge? I'm interested to know which school it is so that we can avoid applying next year.

Stone Ridge in particular is notorious for mean girl behavior