Mean girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Burke seems warmer and nicer than most other schools. Less mean girl stuff. But its culture isn't for everyone.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

The girls at Burke are, on the whole, nice and supportive of one another. But some girls might not like Burke for other reasons. Some prefer schools with less progressive politics, more competitive sports teams, more homework, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

Offense is easy to find when one has nothing better to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

Fine. Mean, cliquey children. I can tell by your behavior that you have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls. Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?

+1000

So true in our private, mean moms create mean girls and form groups leaving out the rest. I am not sure what it is about this city and the parents

+1 on both of the above commenters. People just aren’t comfortable or nice in their skin and just ridicule right out of the gate— even in field day, one mean mom was talking about “how weird that kid ABC runs.” Wtf.

And the mean comments out of 7,8,9 yo kids mouths, you know theire regurgitating what they heard their petty mother saying to them or someone else. Beyond shallow.

What’s bad is that a few of these per grade or class is a big % of these small 40,60,90,120 grade private schools. Some classrooms or entire grades become toxic. Permanently.

And how did you respond to the comment about kid ABC? Nothing, right? You are part for f the problem when you let these things go by without comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls. Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?

+1000

So true in our private, mean moms create mean girls and form groups leaving out the rest. I am not sure what it is about this city and the parents

+1 on both of the above commenters. People just aren’t comfortable or nice in their skin and just ridicule right out of the gate— even in field day, one mean mom was talking about “how weird that kid ABC runs.” Wtf.

And the mean comments out of 7,8,9 yo kids mouths, you know theire regurgitating what they heard their petty mother saying to them or someone else. Beyond shallow.

What’s bad is that a few of these per grade or class is a big % of these small 40,60,90,120 grade private schools. Some classrooms or entire grades become toxic. Permanently.

And how did you respond to the comment about kid ABC? Nothing, right? You are part for f the problem when you let these things go by without comment.

Np. Nice deflection. I always love overhearing catty moms of catty mean girls. You instantly confirm you’re dealing with trash, just like your own kid warned you of and the bulk of the school sees it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls. Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?

+1000

So true in our private, mean moms create mean girls and form groups leaving out the rest. I am not sure what it is about this city and the parents

+1 on both of the above commenters. People just aren’t comfortable or nice in their skin and just ridicule right out of the gate— even in field day, one mean mom was talking about “how weird that kid ABC runs.” Wtf.

And the mean comments out of 7,8,9 yo kids mouths, you know theire regurgitating what they heard their petty mother saying to them or someone else. Beyond shallow.

What’s bad is that a few of these per grade or class is a big % of these small 40,60,90,120 grade private schools. Some classrooms or entire grades become toxic. Permanently.

And how did you respond to the comment about kid ABC? Nothing, right? You are part for f the problem when you let these things go by without comment.

Np. Nice deflection. I always love overhearing catty moms of catty mean girls. You instantly confirm you’re dealing with trash, just like your own kid warned you of and the bulk of the school sees it too.

And no one says anything? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you not expect this at a small private school?

OP here. I didn’t say I wouldn’t expect this at a small private school. I asked if it’s usual to have it in LS already, even before middle school.

Mean Girl behavior can start as early as 3rd/4th grade, so yes, it's usual. In EVERY school.

We saw it in kindergarten at our well known K-8

[Anonymous]

I have experience (3 kids) in DCPS and top privates, including Holton/NCS.
I will say that the mean kid behavior is significantly less in public than in private, likely in part because the cohorts are larger at each step of the way.
A larger cohort means a kid can find her people and can escape any mean kid behavior.
It can be much harder in the small private school grades and classes.

That said, one key to not falling victim to the mean kid stuff is to not get sucked into the mean kid drama. Teach your look to kids other than the popular kids
to be their friends. I have a girl at NCS/Holton and there are some mean girls in the grade and associated drama girls getting excluded and hurt. But there are also many girls quietly doing their own thing and avoiding this drama entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have experience (3 kids) in DCPS and top privates, including Holton/NCS.
I will say that the mean kid behavior is significantly less in public than in private, likely in part because the cohorts are larger at each step of the way.
A larger cohort means a kid can find her people and can escape any mean kid behavior.
It can be much harder in the small private school grades and classes.

That said, one key to not falling victim to the mean kid stuff is to not get sucked into the mean kid drama. Teach your look to kids other than the popular kids
to be their friends. I have a girl at NCS/Holton and there are some mean girls in the grade and associated drama girls getting excluded and hurt. But there are also many girls quietly doing their own thing and avoiding this drama entirely.

What does NCS/Holton (which one?) do about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls. Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?

+1000

I am sorry you have had this experience. But these claims feel so sweeping as to generalize an entire population. I have no doubt you have experienced really awful behavior but my kids have been lucky enough to find groups of really caring friends, where I experienced a lot of bullying as a kid in the Midwest. Bottom line, I think mean and good behaviors are everywhere and I think the internet makes connecting the dots to prove our own POV easier than ever. I also think social media has opened up new avenues for kids to make bad choices.

So true in our private, mean moms create mean girls and form groups leaving out the rest. I am not sure what it is about this city and the parents

[Anonymous]

For people who mentioned that smaller classes create a bigger problem (and this makes sense to me) what about a school like Sidwell that is actually a pretty large school with small classes? I think there are three (or is it 4?) sections per grade in middle school? Since the kids move around more in MS (instead of staying in one smaller cohort as in LS), does that create a bigger social climate and lessen bullying issues?

[Anonymous]

In our experience there a group of not-so-kind students. The trick is to find supportive and warm friends, they will strive together. my two DD go to Holton. The school tries to eradicate the meanness but it's impossible-part of living in our society. However my DDs have supportive friends that are encouraging, positive and look after one another.

[Anonymous]

My dd eventually left Holton because of mean girl behavior. I should have pulled her out earlier - it affected her self-esteem sooooo much. The school talks a good game and there are nice girls but, in the end, the girls with parents who are big donors can do what the want.

[Anonymous]

Christ Episcopal School.