Mean girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my. You mean private school kids are not more refined wrt bullying?

Sure, they mercilessly bully their classmates but by high school they will look you in the eye and shake your hand!

Which is one reason they get away with bullying. Adults believe that the nice-looking, polished, friendly kid who oh-so-polite and articulate to them is a problem. It must be the victim, who may not put on nearly such a good front to adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Holton?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to a small independent a Jesuit prep school that was regarded as the best school in the state. It had an incredibly kind culture and people who were mean were subjected to peer pressure to be more inclusive rather than the other way around. While mean people are everywhere, mean cultures are not inevitable, and school cultures can be dramatically different.

The culture in the DMV is one of the meanest I’ve ever encountered, and I say that as someone who grew up in another part of the country but went to grad school in DC and lived in many other places (the Bay Area, Texas, the rural mid-west, Chicago, Seattle, Boston, London, the northeast, and the Deep South) before moving back here. People here are meaner than their counterparts in other parts of of the country. They are more insecure, socially-competitive/social-climbing, and discontented than anywhere else we’ve lived. People here here have zero chill and the culture seems to foment unhappiness and outrage. It’s not surprising that toxic adults are raising mean middle-schoolers. That said, it would be nice to hear about the schools that do a better than average job of keeping the toxicity at a minimum, for boys and for girls. Some schools are surely doing better than others.

Also, serious question for parents who have experience with both: is there less meanness in the area public middle schools? Is it easier to avoid meanness there?

I'm from DC and you describe it well. It's soul squelching.

This is right on - zero chill here in the DMV.
I love the point of a school's culture creating peer pressure for inclusivity.
But, assuming the PPs aren't in a school cultivating kindness, I would suggest making sure your daughters (and sons) have interests, activities and supportive friend groups outside of school. Ideally friend groups should be neighborhood kids who go to a wide array of schools (including and most especially public) to dilute the social pressures a school social life has on a child. It can be toxic and the more peer interaction, the higher the likelihood of positive interactions that may help outweigh the lifelong harm/trauma of exclusionary and other bullying behavior. (Also, if you're selecting between private schools, go for the biggest among them. Greater selection of kids is always better.). And again the point the PP made about a school's culture for inclusivity is right on; without it, and left to their own devices and the devices of their competitive parents, kids go "Lord of the Flies."

Thx for sharing. Was really wondering if it was just me. Zero chill describes it well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an issue in certain grades at SSSAS, usually a problem in middle school.

This has been our experience, as well.

[Anonymous]

There are gentle grades and mean grades. It’s the luck of the draw. If you are in a bad grade you need to eject.

[Anonymous]

GDS girls can act like fire ants.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but when I hear mean girls, all I can think of is Holton.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GDS girls can act like fire ants.

What’s a girl?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Please stop using "mean girls." No girl is one thing, and it just perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes.

Oh sweet mother. Take whatever it is you take pill wise in the afternoon.

So, you answer my post with a slam against people who take medications. A crazy lady -- another misogynistic trope. My comment stands.

NP I agree with you. It’s better to talk about exclusionary behavior rather than labeling “mean girls”

Exclusionary behaviors is THE main bully tactic of “mean girls”. Do your research.

Young girls need to know the following is not nice nor inclusive or even civil:

Telling other girls not to talk to XYZ girl
Telling other girls who to invite or not to things
Pushing
Lying to teachers about what you did
Telling other girls not to talk to girls who don’t wear masks
Making fun of lower/middle school girls who don’t have smartphones

So don’t raise a flying monkey chump that does a bully’s bidding. And do raise someone who avoids toxic people and knows simple things to say when it’s happening. Whether they’re the target or in the group.
The above examples were from a coed school; note the bully has double standards and only singles out girls to control or to bully and not boys.

There is peer pressure wear masks at your mask-optional school? I find that so surprising. If anything, I would have thought the opposite-- that kids who don't wear masks bully the kids that do.

Girls are taught by their woke parents that people who don't wear masks are bad, so they think that they are being noble to mistreat classmates.

+2 At our private k-8, almost every 8th grade girl remained masked after the school went mask optional. I think about 80-90%of the boys ditched the mask immediately. There wasn’t any shaming or bullying about it though. The school made it very clear that they wouldn’t tolerate any unkindness or bullying about wearing or not wearing masks. Either decision was fine.

Anyone who says woke embraces the mean girl cult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but when I hear mean girls, all I can think of is Holton.

And we had a shy, nerdy girl who graduated from Holton without any mean girl issues whatsoever. She found the girls to be very supportive within the school. But she wasn't trying to be engaged socially beyond her own circle of friends, which I suspect is when more of the mean girl behavior can come into play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but when I hear mean girls, all I can think of is Holton.

Don’t forget NCS. It’s even a problem at coeducational private schools. Who can forget the “posses” (girls and moms) surrounding the Obamas at Sidwell Friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but when I hear mean girls, all I can think of is Holton.

Don’t forget NCS. It’s even a problem at coeducational private schools. Who can forget the “posses” (girls and moms) surrounding the Obamas at Sidwell Friends?

It's not specific to any school; it's specific to a certain age group/demographic. All schools have mean girls, just like all schools have nerds, jocks, emo/alternative students, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DMV idea of bullying is so mild compared to what I saw at a good Southern private. One kid was avoided for years from 5th grade on—no one would go to his house, parties, nothing. It was awful. I forced my kid to go to his events but not a single person in the school, or other parents, cared. It was totally ignored.

That’s bullying.

That community bullying, which is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but when I hear mean girls, all I can think of is Holton.

Don’t forget NCS. It’s even a problem at coeducational private schools. Who can forget the “posses” (girls and moms) surrounding the Obamas at Sidwell Friends?

It's not specific to any school; it's specific to a certain age group/demographic. All schools have mean girls, just like all schools have nerds, jocks, emo/alternative students, etc.

Always with this. The kids in your school are special - smart, polite, engaging - until they are just like all other kids - doing drugs, bullying. Convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Holton?[/quote

Peer pressure to buy hundreds of dollars of lycra a week. These kids look silly spending daddy’s money, and, sadly, that’s not the worst of it.