Do you harshly judge mothers with a lot of outside help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I don’t but I do judge parents giving their kids phones too young. I get that it keeps your kid happy and quiet but in the long harm this is doing more harm than someone who has “help” A kid my 10yo used to be very good friends with had been given one and he’s basically shut down and wants it all the time. Even had it in a restaurant when we all went out to eat snd ky kid just sat there until I suggested they play hangman together or something.

I saw a 4ish kid walking around Party City with his mom, staring at his iPad. There are so many fun and shiny things to look at on Party City!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

Exactly! I was livid when a mom from a family where a grandma watches the kids full time told me that she could never leave her kids with a stranger.

I told her that I could never make my mom an unpaid slave and force her to forgo earning social security. The stunned look was priceless to watch.

Sorry you feel judged, but I actually agree with this sentiment. My mother (who took early retirement well before I had children) stayed with us during our first 6 months of nanny care until the nanny became like family and I trusted her completely. I would not have wanted to leave DB alone with a stranger. Daycare even worse option.

[Anonymous]

Harshly judge, no. I can’t really relate to having a ton of help, and I also can’t imagine thinking a parent of typically developing kids who also has a ton of help is the best parent ever or something. It’s easier to function under optimal conditions, right? So, I wouldn’t think they’re a bad mother, but I also wouldn’t think they’re mother of the year or something. If I had an extra adult in the household, beyond me and DH, I’d be a hell of a lot calmer, too.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I distanced myself from a friend who had a baby on purpose and then became a stay at home mom and started hiring childcare 3x a week almost immediately.

[Anonymous]

Not harshly, but a bit in some cases yes. My MIL had a nanny for each child, plus cooking and cleaning help, and didn’t work. She went to mass, went to the market and visited her mother daily.

Another time and another class from me. She was sweet but very nervous and pretty boring with not many interests. I can’t help but wonder if she would have been mentally healthier if she’d had more responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

+1
It's great if you can afford a lot of help, but please don't act like everyone can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

Exactly! I was livid when a mom from a family where a grandma watches the kids full time told me that she could never leave her kids with a stranger.

I told her that I could never make my mom an unpaid slave and force her to forgo earning social security. The stunned look was priceless to watch.

Sorry you feel judged, but I actually agree with this sentiment. My mother (who took early retirement well before I had children) stayed with us during our first 6 months of nanny care until the nanny became like family and I trusted her completely. I would not have wanted to leave DB alone with a stranger. Daycare even worse option.

I judge you for your judgy response. So many people don’t have the options you have! And my daycare never lent my car their drug addicted son who left pot in the backseat of said car but the “like family”nanny of 2 years for a friend did….

[Anonymous]

I do not judge at all. If I had the money, I would hire all the help in the world. It's ridiculous to think that we shouldn't. Suffering does not equate to better parenting.

I paid a ton of money for a FT nanny when kids were little as a WFH mom. If I could've paid for FT plus cleaning, cooking, PA, I'd have done it.

Also, the women being paid for their services also appreciate the payments. So the idea that we should not outsource is nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

I don’t know if you are talking about this forum, but a huge part of the reason that I come here is to get recommendations and advice that includes hiring help. I don’t know a lot of people who want it or can afford it in my day to day life, and I really appreciate the advice that I have gotten here. I’ve found it really useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not judge at all. If I had the money, I would hire all the help in the world. It's ridiculous to think that we shouldn't. Suffering does not equate to better parenting.

I paid a ton of money for a FT nanny when kids were little as a WFH mom. If I could've paid for FT plus cleaning, cooking, PA, I'd have done it.

Also, the women being paid for their services also appreciate the payments. So the idea that we should not outsource is nonsense.

This is true.
My husband and I are physicians and lived in a blue collar town after residency. I hired help because I wanted help, and I appreciated it. I’m not going to pretend it was altruism or anything, but I really did like the idea that the money that we were making was staying in the community and benefitting our neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

+1 Who judges moms with a lot of outside help? Jealousy? yes. Judging no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

Exactly! I was livid when a mom from a family where a grandma watches the kids full time told me that she could never leave her kids with a stranger.

I told her that I could never make my mom an unpaid slave and force her to forgo earning social security. The stunned look was priceless to watch.

Sorry you feel judged, but I actually agree with this sentiment. My mother (who took early retirement well before I had children) stayed with us during our first 6 months of nanny care until the nanny became like family and I trusted her completely. I would not have wanted to leave DB alone with a stranger. Daycare even worse option.

It’s always amazing to me how people are willing to just demonstrate what awful parents they are on this site. Judgmental parents like you are terrible parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do judge. I imagine what it’s like to grow up as a kid with a nanny attending to my every need and a housekeeper cleaning up after every mess and a cook preparing exactly what I want… and I think that would make for an irresponsible and entitled adult.

I think there are a lot more mothers who cater to kids like this than there are housekeepers. My housekeeper cooked what I told her to cook. I was her employer. She didn't give a poop about what my kids wanted her to make. And they ate what she made or they had PB&J. I didn't make a special meal for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do judge. I imagine what it’s like to grow up as a kid with a nanny attending to my every need and a housekeeper cleaning up after every mess and a cook preparing exactly what I want… and I think that would make for an irresponsible and entitled adult.

I think there are a lot more mothers who cater to kids like this than there are housekeepers. My housekeeper cooked what I told her to cook. I was her employer. She didn't give a poop about what my kids wanted her to make. And they ate what she made or they had PB&J. I didn't make a special meal for them.

I grew up with a nanny and housekeeper who were far tougher than my parents. I learned manners from them. There was no catering. Our nanny always said, “I don’t work for you - I work for your parents”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't judge those with help, but I do get annoyed when mothers with lots of outside help give advice, recommendations, or pass judgment on those of us who don't.

Exactly! I was livid when a mom from a family where a grandma watches the kids full time told me that she could never leave her kids with a stranger.

I told her that I could never make my mom an unpaid slave and force her to forgo earning social security. The stunned look was priceless to watch.

Sorry you feel judged, but I actually agree with this sentiment. My mother (who took early retirement well before I had children) stayed with us during our first 6 months of nanny care until the nanny became like family and I trusted her completely. I would not have wanted to leave DB alone with a stranger. Daycare even worse option.

It’s always amazing to me how people are willing to just demonstrate what awful parents they are on this site. Judgmental parents like you are terrible parents.

I know you’d like to think that. In reality we are just happier parents because we are more confident with our decisions. They are largely unassailable.

Btw, I would never actually tell someone they were making the wrong decision. I just think it internally. I don’t care to make people feel bad. So you would never actually know I feel this way, unless you were my my mother/sister/close friend who already shares the same view.