Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to address your issues with your parents in a healthy, adult way because now your son is getting caught in the middle of your drama with them. What you described in my family would have been met with delight all around even if logistics needed to be navigated.

Agree. I get that you have a background with your dad, but OP you are allowing that to color how you respond to the basic annoyances of family life that most people are able to discuss/work around.

Sounds like OP's father has been treating OP as if they don't deserve respect, and this is just one more example. Some parents treat their kids like they're nothing, and they can't stop doing that when they grow up, either. Then they have kids and it's a real dilemma because the parents just can't admit their adult kids, who they think of as immature little nothings that they have a right to disrespect, are in charge of their grandchildren.

OP, I get it. Posters from healthy families will never understand. You are the parent. Don't let your father undermine you.

Two things can be true at the same time. OP’s dad could have been disrespectful in the past and made a mistake today, and OP was overly rigid in her reaction to her dad’s spontaneity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For a little background, my father is constantly trying to make plans on behalf of other people. When I was pregnant he announced that he expected to spend at least one weekend per month visiting without asking me if that would work. He buys tickets to visit and I have to dodge his calls so he doesn’t actually just show up. No amount of time spent together is enough.

I don’t know what the diagnosis is, but it doesn’t seem normal.

You are visiting HIM. It’s normal for the host to plan activities for their guests, show them around town and hit the local kid friendly hot spots. You need to let yourself fall into the role of guest when you are in his home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For a little background, my father is constantly trying to make plans on behalf of other people. When I was pregnant he announced that he expected to spend at least one weekend per month visiting without asking me if that would work. He buys tickets to visit and I have to dodge his calls so he doesn’t actually just show up. No amount of time spent together is enough.

I don’t know what the diagnosis is, but it doesn’t seem normal.

You are visiting HIM. It’s normal for the host to plan activities for their guests, show them around town and hit the local kid friendly hot spots. You need to let yourself fall into the role of guest when you are in his home.

Parents are in charge of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

[Anonymous]

Name the time sensitive activity. Why so vague? You aren't trolling are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

When you're on a vacation or visiting people, the schedule goes out the window.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

OP vaguely said it was transportation related

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For a little background, my father is constantly trying to make plans on behalf of other people. When I was pregnant he announced that he expected to spend at least one weekend per month visiting without asking me if that would work. He buys tickets to visit and I have to dodge his calls so he doesn’t actually just show up. No amount of time spent together is enough.

I don’t know what the diagnosis is, but it doesn’t seem normal.

You are visiting HIM. It’s normal for the host to plan activities for their guests, show them around town and hit the local kid friendly hot spots. You need to let yourself fall into the role of guest when you are in his home.

Parents are in charge of their children.

Those two things aren’t in conflict though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

All manageable if OP uses her words and comes from a place of cooperation rather than rigidity.

[Anonymous]

Unless it’s going up in a private plane or helicopter why not op???

[Anonymous]

Leave him to figure out the transportation logistics. If he’s already promised the kid something then he can make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see this both ways. If my own father said to my kids "what do you guys think about going to the playground across town this morning??" without asking me first, and I'd over heard it, I'd think it was sweet and I'd probably get tears in my eyes. However, if my MIL said it to my kids without asking me first and I'd overheard it, I'd be boiling up inside and I'd be immediately coming into the room to be like "hey MIL, what did you tell my kids you had planned? Did you run it by (DH) already? Because we had some other stuff in mind today" because it would just be a knee jerk reaction to her CONSTANT overstepping and trying to bulldoze over my parenting when she is around.

So basically- I think your reaction is clouded by your dislike of your father, as mine would be clouded by my dislike of my MIL in that situation. Whereas I'd actually appreciate it a LOT if my father did it.

Np. I get this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a happy grandfather made impromptu plans with his grandchild for a really fun outing, but forgot to consider logistics? Tar and feather him!!

Lighten up, OP.

Nope. Found the overstepper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For a little background, my father is constantly trying to make plans on behalf of other people. When I was pregnant he announced that he expected to spend at least one weekend per month visiting without asking me if that would work. He buys tickets to visit and I have to dodge his calls so he doesn’t actually just show up. No amount of time spent together is enough.

I don’t know what the diagnosis is, but it doesn’t seem normal.

OK, so what are YOU going to do? You can’t change him, so what are YOU going to do to protect yourself and your family from a bad dynamic? Stop talking about his problems or diagnoses or whatever. What are YOU going to do?

I have repeatedly told him that he needs to clear his plans with me, but the message still hasn’t been received. What else can I do except cut off all communication?

You can LET IT GO. Don't let it bother you.

Or you can become estranged from your loving, if annoying, father, and your child will be kept away from his loving grandfather. that sounds better, right?

You are impressively wrong.