Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

When you're on a vacation or visiting people, the schedule goes out the window.

No, it doesn’t.

For a preschooler? Sure, whatever you say.

NP. DH and I maintained a schedule that allowed normal feeding times and nap schedules for an 8-month-old and a 3.5yo at Yellowstone in August. With around those same ages, we also traveled to the beach, to South Dakota, to a lake cottage in Indiana, and to a family wedding in Detroit. What’s your excuse?

My excuse is that it isn’t necessary. My kids are flexible and can fo with the flow. I’m not an insecure uptight mom who can’t deal with out a strict schedule. Sorry parenting is so hard for you. For at least preschool aged kids which barely describes one of your kids inexperienced mom. You have so much to learn.

Schedules aren't for the parents, duh. Kids need schedules.

I always find these parents who think they're cool for ignoring their children's sleep needs hilarious. yeah - go you for having your kid chronically over tired which is one of the most important things for healthy growth so you can drag them around being a "cool" parent. instead of just prioritizing their needs for 5 years or so out of the 85 other years you can not worry about a 3 year olds sleep needs

Not all kids nap and especially not all preschoolers. And if they are driving somewhere sometime the good old car nap is good enough. There are no infants in this situation. Someday you'll figure it out.

NP. You’ve clearly never read a baby sleep book, or any parenting book. Research has shown again and again the ties between brain development and sleep needs. Just because your child isn’t being given reasonable opportunities to nap and reasonable conditions in which to nap doesn’t mean they “don’t nap,” it means they are unable to nap because you are dragging them around. Sadly, you won’t “someday figure it out,” and your children have already suffered because of it.

Jesus, idiot, we're not talking about babies. Why don't you waddle back to the baby forum to talk about sleep schedules.

NP. Wow, you sound like you need to wander back to the Health forum. I hope you find a therapist and a meds plan that works for you.

Wow maybe if the usual responders didn't try to derail and bring in their personal problems and talk about babies in a thread not about babies it wouldn't be so annoying for anyone else trying to read. Start your own threads about your dysfunctional families.

[Anonymous]

Since OP can't be bothered to elaborate for all we know he just wanted to walk the kid to the park and she lost her mind because how dare he not run that by her first. OP probably knows the details will make her look like a loon which is why she won't clarify. The details matter here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since OP can't be bothered to elaborate for all we know he just wanted to walk the kid to the park and she lost her mind because how dare he not run that by her first. OP probably knows the details will make her look like a loon which is why she won't clarify. The details matter here.

This is OP. It involved going from point A to point B on a form of transportation (not a car) with no plan on how to safely get back to point A because it wasn’t round trip. The trip started in about 40 minutes, and it started 30 minutes away from where we were. I was concerned they weren’t going to make it to the initial stop or wouldn’t have a way to get back and my kid would be crushed. If he had spoken to me ahead of time instead of impulsively announcing the plans to my son, I could have talked through my concerns with him directly without getting my kid all ginned up. It sounded incredibly fun, but stuff like that takes more than 3 minutes of planning.

I’m sure I will be flamed as a rigid B for wanting to talk through his plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since OP can't be bothered to elaborate for all we know he just wanted to walk the kid to the park and she lost her mind because how dare he not run that by her first. OP probably knows the details will make her look like a loon which is why she won't clarify. The details matter here.

This is OP. It involved going from point A to point B on a form of transportation (not a car) with no plan on how to safely get back to point A because it wasn’t round trip. The trip started in about 40 minutes, and it started 30 minutes away from where we were. I was concerned they weren’t going to make it to the initial stop or wouldn’t have a way to get back and my kid would be crushed. If he had spoken to me ahead of time instead of impulsively announcing the plans to my son, I could have talked through my concerns with him directly without getting my kid all ginned up. It sounded incredibly fun, but stuff like that takes more than 3 minutes of planning.

I’m sure I will be flamed as a rigid B for wanting to talk through his plan.

This is so incredibly stupid. Why did you even bother to post about it?

Because his reaction when I didn’t greet the idea with the enthusiasm he felt it deserved was to yell at me in front of my son and storm out?

Well if the alternative would be to sit around and listen to you complain about it for the next few hours it makes sense that he would leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Since OP can't be bothered to elaborate for all we know he just wanted to walk the kid to the park and she lost her mind because how dare he not run that by her first. OP probably knows the details will make her look like a loon which is why she won't clarify. The details matter here.

This is OP. It involved going from point A to point B on a form of transportation (not a car) with no plan on how to safely get back to point A because it wasn’t round trip. The trip started in about 40 minutes, and it started 30 minutes away from where we were. I was concerned they weren’t going to make it to the initial stop or wouldn’t have a way to get back and my kid would be crushed. If he had spoken to me ahead of time instead of impulsively announcing the plans to my son, I could have talked through my concerns with him directly without getting my kid all ginned up. It sounded incredibly fun, but stuff like that takes more than 3 minutes of planning.

I’m sure I will be flamed as a rigid B for wanting to talk through his plan.

This is so incredibly stupid. Why did you even bother to post about it?

Because his reaction when I didn’t greet the idea with the enthusiasm he felt it deserved was to yell at me in front of my son and storm out?

Well if the alternative would be to sit around and listen to you complain about it for the next few hours it makes sense that he would leave.

LOL, "leave." Funny, PP. OP said he yelled at her in front of her son and stormed out. If that's how your family "leaves" then I guess it makes sense that you don't understand why normal people would be upset by that.

No one should be shouting at a child's mother in front of the child. How disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

When you're on a vacation or visiting people, the schedule goes out the window.

No, it doesn’t.

For a preschooler? Sure, whatever you say.

NP. DH and I maintained a schedule that allowed normal feeding times and nap schedules for an 8-month-old and a 3.5yo at Yellowstone in August. With around those same ages, we also traveled to the beach, to South Dakota, to a lake cottage in Indiana, and to a family wedding in Detroit. What’s your excuse?

My excuse is that it isn’t necessary. My kids are flexible and can fo with the flow. I’m not an insecure uptight mom who can’t deal with out a strict schedule. Sorry parenting is so hard for you. For at least preschool aged kids which barely describes one of your kids inexperienced mom. You have so much to learn.

Oh, we know. You’re not like The Other Moms. You’re a Cool Mom.

Don’t worry. We all saw Mean Girls too.

Lol you’re just a head case not a cool or normal mom. Do you even have kids or do you just troll here giving out ridiculous advice? Because you sound like a complete idiot.

I have multiple kids. And honey, I’m not the one who sounds like an idiot, but cute try.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. For a little background, my father is constantly trying to make plans on behalf of other people. When I was pregnant he announced that he expected to spend at least one weekend per month visiting without asking me if that would work. He buys tickets to visit and I have to dodge his calls so he doesn’t actually just show up. No amount of time spent together is enough.

I don’t know what the diagnosis is, but it doesn’t seem normal.

You are visiting HIM. It’s normal for the host to plan activities for their guests, show them around town and hit the local kid friendly hot spots. You need to let yourself fall into the role of guest when you are in his home.

Nope! Good hosts recognize the needs of their guests, especially small children. If I planned late-night loud parties while my elderly uncle who is ill and needs lots of rest is visiting, am I a good host? Would he be a “bad guest” not to join in carousing at the risk of his health and peace of mind?

Small children do not care that they are “guests,” they still have basic biological needs, and if the hosts cannot be reasonably flexible and cognizant of those needs, they have no business hosting small children and parents of small children. Hotel.

And by the way, even when only hosting adults, good hosts *communicate ideas* for activities to their guests, they do not drag them around on a forced march of what they want to do without taking their guests’ needs and preferences into consideration.

And yet in this case, the child was very excited by grandpa’s plan so obviously he took the child’s interests in mind when he offered it. That’s what good hosts do - think about the options in the area and propose them with the person’s interests in mind. There wasn’t a “need” here that the child wasn’t having met, OP was just worked up about transportation logistics that she wasn’t even willing to address with her dad in a mature, lets-work-this-out mindset. She just shot him looks.

She did t say “interests.” She said “needs.” Reading comprehension much?

Read my post again. “There wasn’t a need here that the child wasn’t having met.”

Oh, so you don’t understand what needs are then. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is using your child to undermine you, which undermines your relationship with your child. Don't let him do it. Tell you kid now, and keep telling them again and again and again for years, that they have to run things by you first. This is a no-brainer parenting rule anyway. If they want to get in the car with someone else's mom at pickup -- no, they have to run that by their mom first. They want to walk to the corner store with their 7 year old friend -- no, they have to run that by you first. At friend A's house and decides to go to friend B's house for a while -- they have to run that by your first. ETC. Keep reenforcing that because that is parenting 101. When grandpa says they're going to do X, Y or Z -- DC should say, YAY!! Let me ask my mom if that's okay.

Grandfather is a jerk.

Grandfather has been called everything from a jerk to an ass on this thread - such an overreaction to a minor instance that can be resolved with some cooperation and conversation.

OP tried to have “conversation” with him and he threw an adult tantrum. And “cooperation” doesn’t mean Granddad gets what he wants over the wishes of the child’s own parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is using your child to undermine you, which undermines your relationship with your child. Don't let him do it. Tell you kid now, and keep telling them again and again and again for years, that they have to run things by you first. This is a no-brainer parenting rule anyway. If they want to get in the car with someone else's mom at pickup -- no, they have to run that by their mom first. They want to walk to the corner store with their 7 year old friend -- no, they have to run that by you first. At friend A's house and decides to go to friend B's house for a while -- they have to run that by your first. ETC. Keep reenforcing that because that is parenting 101. When grandpa says they're going to do X, Y or Z -- DC should say, YAY!! Let me ask my mom if that's okay.

Grandfather is a jerk.

Grandfather has been called everything from a jerk to an ass on this thread - such an overreaction to a minor instance that can be resolved with some cooperation and conversation.

OP tried to have “conversation” with him and he threw an adult tantrum. And “cooperation” doesn’t mean Granddad gets what he wants over the wishes of the child’s own parent.

Oh you were there? Fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it doesn't conflict with another previously scheduled thing, why don't you just let them go enjoy their time together? You got your point across, right? I get that you don't have a good relationship with your dad, but not a reason to interfere with them having one.

This, unless he proposed hookers and blow, what’s the big deal? I think it’s nice he’s proactively planning one on one time with his grandkid.

Um, because he’s probably not factoring in things like nap time, eating meals on a semi-schedule, sunscreen, etc. Grandparents can forget that taking care of kids entails more than an idea and the wish for everyone to fall in and behave under any circumstance.

When you're on a vacation or visiting people, the schedule goes out the window.

No, it doesn’t.

For a preschooler? Sure, whatever you say.

NP. DH and I maintained a schedule that allowed normal feeding times and nap schedules for an 8-month-old and a 3.5yo at Yellowstone in August. With around those same ages, we also traveled to the beach, to South Dakota, to a lake cottage in Indiana, and to a family wedding in Detroit. What’s your excuse?

My excuse is that it isn’t necessary. My kids are flexible and can fo with the flow. I’m not an insecure uptight mom who can’t deal with out a strict schedule. Sorry parenting is so hard for you. For at least preschool aged kids which barely describes one of your kids inexperienced mom. You have so much to learn.

Oh, we know. You’re not like The Other Moms. You’re a Cool Mom.

Don’t worry. We all saw Mean Girls too.

Lol you’re just a head case not a cool or normal mom. Do you even have kids or do you just troll here giving out ridiculous advice? Because you sound like a complete idiot.

I have multiple kids. And honey, I’m not the one who sounds like an idiot, but cute try.

Are you the one who doesn’t have potty trained preschoolers who need diapers on an outing? Very impressive.

[Anonymous]

My thought would be the grandparent tried to establish some relationship with grandchild by finding something they could enjoy together. Perhaps did not realize they needed “permission” to spend time with grandchild.

[Anonymous]

So what are we talking here? Grandpa wanted to take a 5 year old to the Minions movie but OP was going to have the car with the car seat at a nail appt. she hadn’t told anyone about scheduled for the same time? Or Grandpa wanted to take a EBF 20 mo. old to the zoo in another city at nap time? Way different.

[Anonymous]

This chick is cuckoo,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what are we talking here? Grandpa wanted to take a 5 year old to the Minions movie but OP was going to have the car with the car seat at a nail appt. she hadn’t told anyone about scheduled for the same time? Or Grandpa wanted to take a EBF 20 mo. old to the zoo in another city at nap time? Way different.

It’s literally right up the page. Love people who don’t bother to read the thread but just neeeeeeeeed to weigh in. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/150/1068928.page#22988346

[Anonymous]

Team Gramps