I didn't grow up with my birth family because of the Baptists

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listen, adoptees have now joined together to deal with these patriarchial systems that resulted in millions of baby/ mother separations. The narratives adoptees were fed, some seen here, are all being busted and outed- that adoptees were chosen not given up, the birth mothers were acting in the baby's best interest, white married well to do families are/ were better equipped to raise children, that adoptees were lucky, should be grateful, etc.

It's called "coming out of the fog." That being said, many adoptees were happy and well adjusted growing up, but that still doesn't change the reality of what happened for decades. The narrative of the truth needs to be told.

You are not alone. Check out communities on IG and elsewhere :
BABYBEBRAVE
KARPOOZY
THEADOPTEDCHAMELEON

Three are many more.

OP here.

Thank you for this!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

The mother didn't choose. She was forced.

There are, however, situations in which mother's do give up their babies voluntarily.



My cousin was adopted. She was the seventh of ten children from a Catholic family. The mother kept the first six and gave up the rest. She now visits them regularly.

Uh huh....read your words. Her mother actually had a number of children she couldn't keep. And she kept having them
She was used as a brood mare. You write this with such nonchalance, as in " where's the problem?"

Let's keep our eye on the larger picture here. Adoption is not the remedy for forced birth.

Um, her mother was happy to have the kids. She just couldn't raise them. They have a good relationship now

I doubt those last 3 children who were given up are all just fine and have “good relationship” with the mother who gave them up. Note that you say “now” the relationship is good. How did those children feel up until now? What traumas did they face? I’m not saying the answer is that they should have been aborted and should not exist, but in a situation like this, the children are treated like a commodity to trade. It’s sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Where did her family think she was for 9 months while she was at the unwed mother’s home? That’s a long time to be in hiding from your family. What about your dad? Do you know where he is?

Do you think your mom loved you and did the best she could? At that time it wasn’t just “the baptists” who didn’t like children being born out of wedlock. It was American society as a whole.

“The parents of Wilson-Buterbaugh and Ellerby were ashamed and embarrassed about their daughters’ pregnancies, a typical reaction for most families at the time.”


The maternity homes where ‘mind control’ was used on teen moms to give up their babies

https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2018/11/19/maternity-homes-where-mind-control-was-used-teen-moms-give-up-their-babies/

I grew up in the late 60s and at that time, it wasn’t just religious people who sent their unwed and pregnant daughters away.

You have a lot of anger about something that you are focusing on “the Baptists” when it wasn’t just baptists forcing girls to give up their babies.

She was not a teen. She was living on her own a couple states away. My dad was a player -- yes they had those back then -- who slept around as much as he could. I have a few siblings and none of us have the same mothers.

My mother should have had support from her family. She didn't have it because of the toxic Southern Baptist culture. Maybe she still would have chosen to give me up. That's fine. Maybe she would have chosen abortion. That is fine as as well.

Because I have access now to some of her letters I am so angry on her behalf.

My birth parents are both dead now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Sounds like you would not have wanted to grow up in that environment. So while your disappointment at not living with your birth parents is understandable you’re outrage seems overwrought. Are you suggesting that it would’ve been better that the Baptists advocated for aborting you — or not you if you believe that the fetus’s identity is different from you.

Beside, it could go either way. A HS friend forever talked about meeting her birth mother. Turns out all the negative assumption about her birth father were wrong, and mostly applied to her mother. Amazingly it is the father and his children with whom she has some semblance of a relationship. She wants nothing to do with her bio mom.

[Anonymous]

This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

I’m not sure that “liking” adoption is the best way to prove it. But it certainly is evident that adoption results in trauma and some feel it worse than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Where did her family think she was for 9 months while she was at the unwed mother’s home? That’s a long time to be in hiding from your family. What about your dad? Do you know where he is?

Do you think your mom loved you and did the best she could? At that time it wasn’t just “the baptists” who didn’t like children being born out of wedlock. It was American society as a whole.

“The parents of Wilson-Buterbaugh and Ellerby were ashamed and embarrassed about their daughters’ pregnancies, a typical reaction for most families at the time.”


The maternity homes where ‘mind control’ was used on teen moms to give up their babies

https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2018/11/19/maternity-homes-where-mind-control-was-used-teen-moms-give-up-their-babies/

I grew up in the late 60s and at that time, it wasn’t just religious people who sent their unwed and pregnant daughters away.

You have a lot of anger about something that you are focusing on “the Baptists” when it wasn’t just baptists forcing girls to give up their babies.

She was not a teen. She was living on her own a couple states away. My dad was a player -- yes they had those back then -- who slept around as much as he could. I have a few siblings and none of us have the same mothers.

My mother should have had support from her family. She didn't have it because of the toxic Southern Baptist culture. Maybe she still would have chosen to give me up. That's fine. Maybe she would have chosen abortion. That is fine as as well.

Because I have access now to some of her letters I am so angry on her behalf.

My birth parents are both dead now.

If your mom was living independently a couple states away from her family and an adult, no church or no baptist made her do anything. She wasn’t living in her parent’s home as an adult. She had her own home. Nobody was going to kick her out of her home. She wasn’t attending the baptist church you want to show up at and attack and blame everyone for your circumstance. If your mom told nobody in her family what was happening on her life, she didn’t even give them a chance to help. She didn’t have to worry about the baptist church judging her from a few states away.

Homes for unwed mothers were common in American society at the time of your birth. It’s unfortunate, but take your life and do something good with it. You only get one life. You can’t change the past. Your mom made her choice and you have a choice to make too. Don’t live your life in anger and hatred.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Where did her family think she was for 9 months while she was at the unwed mother’s home? That’s a long time to be in hiding from your family. What about your dad? Do you know where he is?

Do you think your mom loved you and did the best she could? At that time it wasn’t just “the baptists” who didn’t like children being born out of wedlock. It was American society as a whole.

“The parents of Wilson-Buterbaugh and Ellerby were ashamed and embarrassed about their daughters’ pregnancies, a typical reaction for most families at the time.”


The maternity homes where ‘mind control’ was used on teen moms to give up their babies

https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2018/11/19/maternity-homes-where-mind-control-was-used-teen-moms-give-up-their-babies/

I grew up in the late 60s and at that time, it wasn’t just religious people who sent their unwed and pregnant daughters away.

You have a lot of anger about something that you are focusing on “the Baptists” when it wasn’t just baptists forcing girls to give up their babies.

She was not a teen. She was living on her own a couple states away. My dad was a player -- yes they had those back then -- who slept around as much as he could. I have a few siblings and none of us have the same mothers.

My mother should have had support from her family. She didn't have it because of the toxic Southern Baptist culture. Maybe she still would have chosen to give me up. That's fine. Maybe she would have chosen abortion. That is fine as as well.

Because I have access now to some of her letters I am so angry on her behalf.

My birth parents are both dead now.

If your mom was living independently a couple states away from her family and an adult, no church or no baptist made her do anything. She wasn’t living in her parent’s home as an adult. She had her own home. Nobody was going to kick her out of her home. She wasn’t attending the baptist church you want to show up at and attack and blame everyone for your circumstance. If your mom told nobody in her family what was happening on her life, she didn’t even give them a chance to help. She didn’t have to worry about the baptist church judging her from a few states away.

Homes for unwed mothers were common in American society at the time of your birth. It’s unfortunate, but take your life and do something good with it. You only get one life. You can’t change the past. Your mom made her choice and you have a choice to make too. Don’t live your life in anger and hatred.

How did you get access to her letters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was your mom’s decision. She could have chosen to be disowned. And you don’t know how your life would have turned out if she had not placed you for adoption. My mom was catholic and chose to keep her baby, but who knows, maybe I would have been better off adopted. Your mom did what she thought was best at the time, as did mine. No one can know the future when making these decisions. I’m sorry it didn’t turn out better for you.

OP, I'm familiar with the story of a woman who was taken advantage of when she was young and naive and at a very vulnerable point of her life (her parents had just been tragically killed in a car crash). The man was a creep to take advantage of this girl. She got pregnant. She chose to raise the baby. Things went terrible for her. She did not have a good life, and her child who is now in her 60s has not had a good life. Society can be very cruel in these situations.

You don't know your biological mother's story. Keep that in mind.

The PP above has solid advice.

OP here. I DO KNOW HER STORY NOW. Or most of it. I have met her brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews, stepchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was adopted.

My birth mother grew up poor in Sorth Carolina. Her big family was very Baptist. So when she got pregnant, she had to go to an unwed mother's home and give me up. I was considered a worthless b@stard and so her devout parents would have disowned her if they ever found out. She hid it and a friend helped her get to the unwed more home.

I have since identified my birth parents. I know which church she went to. It is my fantasy to go there and denounce them. I want to embarrass and punish them.

What would you do? They still push the no sex before marriage BS. Only the women and children suffer.

I grew up without my family because of their preaching.

Where did her family think she was for 9 months while she was at the unwed mother’s home? That’s a long time to be in hiding from your family. What about your dad? Do you know where he is?

Do you think your mom loved you and did the best she could? At that time it wasn’t just “the baptists” who didn’t like children being born out of wedlock. It was American society as a whole.

“The parents of Wilson-Buterbaugh and Ellerby were ashamed and embarrassed about their daughters’ pregnancies, a typical reaction for most families at the time.”


The maternity homes where ‘mind control’ was used on teen moms to give up their babies

https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2018/11/19/maternity-homes-where-mind-control-was-used-teen-moms-give-up-their-babies/

I grew up in the late 60s and at that time, it wasn’t just religious people who sent their unwed and pregnant daughters away.

You have a lot of anger about something that you are focusing on “the Baptists” when it wasn’t just baptists forcing girls to give up their babies.

She was not a teen. She was living on her own a couple states away. My dad was a player -- yes they had those back then -- who slept around as much as he could. I have a few siblings and none of us have the same mothers.

My mother should have had support from her family. She didn't have it because of the toxic Southern Baptist culture. Maybe she still would have chosen to give me up. That's fine. Maybe she would have chosen abortion. That is fine as as well.

Because I have access now to some of her letters I am so angry on her behalf.

My birth parents are both dead now.

If your mom was living independently a couple states away from her family and an adult, no church or no baptist made her do anything. She wasn’t living in her parent’s home as an adult. She had her own home. Nobody was going to kick her out of her home. She wasn’t attending the baptist church you want to show up at and attack and blame everyone for your circumstance. If your mom told nobody in her family what was happening on her life, she didn’t even give them a chance to help. She didn’t have to worry about the baptist church judging her from a few states away.

Homes for unwed mothers were common in American society at the time of your birth. It’s unfortunate, but take your life and do something good with it. You only get one life. You can’t change the past. Your mom made her choice and you have a choice to make too. Don’t live your life in anger and hatred.

How did you get access to her letters?

Because I located her/my family, then her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This seems a little circular...you hate these people because they didn't raise you because of beliefs that you hate...so in theory you wish you had been raised in that setting and held the beliefs you think are wrong?

OP seems bent on trying to punish the birth family and their religion for giving up a child, irrespective of any other factors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread totally reinforces my belief that no one like adoption. I've never heard of anyone be grateful they were adopted and most wish they were aborted.

OP here. It's complicated.

What I feel most of all in angry that my mother was punished for being a sexual person. This anti Roe nonsense from Alito is very "triggering" for me, though I hate that term.

I wish:

--my mother would have had access to good birth control, which she didn't because she was unmarried in the 60s
--my mother would have had access to legal abortion, which she didn't because it was pre-Roe
--That if my mother didn't choose an abortion, HER CHOICE, that she knew she had a loving family that would have welcomed us both regardless
--That my father wasn't such a egomaniac, selfish, arrogant jerk who would have stood by my mother
--that there wasn't this raging double standard, that you still see on here, that women should just "keep their legs closed"
--that adoption is pushed because babies like me are/were commodities
--that the adoption would have been open, so I could have met my birth family at 18 years or so.

That wish list should not be so unattainable and yet. I'm sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

NP But presumably those siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles are all fundamentalists too, right? So you're disgusted by the culture because it deprived you of being raised in that culture?

I get that you're angry I just think you need to reason this out a little more. What are you hoping to achieve, exactly? They'll likely just think "she wasn't raised in the Church, she doesn't know any better" if you show up and denounce a community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were adopted, you grew up with a family, no? I think you need therapy to deal with your immature anger. Your fantasy will not result in a revamp of the culture, you know that right?

I did nothing wrong. I WAS wronged.

Why do you defend these idiots?

I grew up without my siblings and cousins, aunts and uncles.

NP But presumably those siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles are all fundamentalists too, right? So you're disgusted by the culture because it deprived you of being raised in that culture?

I get that you're angry I just think you need to reason this out a little more. What are you hoping to achieve, exactly? They'll likely just think "she wasn't raised in the Church, she doesn't know any better" if you show up and denounce a community.

A few are. Most have moved to other more left-leaning Protestant religions.