Can y'all stop being so mean, and tell your kids that, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad we moved out of the DC area before HS. My kid goes to a private school and virtually all of the students go to college, but there is no meanness about the students' choices.

One of the many good things that has happened to my kid is getting to know people from all walks of life and truly understanding how privileged she is to be able to choose to attend any college she can get into. One of my DC's friends is starting out at community college, and DC understands that this is a wise choice for someone who has limited resources, or wants to stay close to home, or wants to do so for any number of other reasons. Another friend will be attending a "top 20" college, and DC is very happy for him, but no more so than the 5 or 6 that will be going to the state flagship. It's just not that big of a deal, either way.

It's not just this board -- I talk to old friends from DC's private school in DC, and even second hand, I can sense the stress and competitiveness. My DH have discussed more than once how happy we are to not be part of it.

Wish we could have left but wasn’t in cards. Hopefully my kids will be more resilient and kind for having lived through the crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you teach your children to deal with comments? You can't protect them from everything, everywhere. What are you going to do when your 24 yr old "child" calls you crying because someone at work said something they didn't like? Tell them to complain to their boss? HR?

Teach your kids to let comments roll off their backs. Teach your kids to laugh things off.

OP here. My child isn't really the subject of these comments, but has said that other kids are frequently.

I hope your child stands up for the other kids, then, and says what you've said above.

I'll give you an anecdote to reinforce the philosophy that it isn't the quality of the school that impacts outcome but what you do with what you have that impacts your outcome. My dad is the only member of his family to attend college. It was a commuter college and he paid his own way. He didn't get great grades but he also didn't flunk out, and he somehow managed to graduate in four years. If I told you his name and his job, you would be flabbergasted. He's pretty big time.

For other examples, look at people like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. Yes, you can say that they are anomalies and outliers; however, you really can't argue that they would have done better if they had attended (and graduated from - lookin' at you, BG) Harvard or Yale. People who are smart and driven will likely succeed no matter what their college experience. Just ask my dad or Jobs or Gates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

Or, you know, people can just stop being dicks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

There is lots of teasing kids over this in high school. I am not sorry if you need me to explain that.

“Teasing” is part of high school and if your kid doesn’t have the confidence to handle it, get them outside help, or parent them, until they can. I am not sorry if you need me to explain that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

PP here - and this poster completely made my point. It is mean!

You know “mean” is an elementary school word and not how intelligent adults talk or think, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

Respectfully disagree. It IS mean. It's not that some of us merely "think" that it is mean.

--Parent of student dealing with the highlighted section.

OK, sorry your child is dealing with that. We control what we can control, there are mean people in this world. Hell, Russia is leveling entire cities and murdering thousands of innocent people right now, Ukraine is standing their ground against the heathens. We will never live in a perfect world, if a kid didn't get into Harvard and some other school deemed not worthy they should own and be proud of what they did earn, not sure why this is a difficult concept.

Not sure why its a difficult concept for a lot of kids to not be nasty.

OK,well keep holding your breath until the world starts behaving the way you want it to because you post “WAAAHH STOP BEING MEEEEAN” on one anonymous message board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

Respectfully disagree. It IS mean. It's not that some of us merely "think" that it is mean.

--Parent of student dealing with the highlighted section.

OK, sorry your child is dealing with that. We control what we can control, there are mean people in this world. Hell, Russia is leveling entire cities and murdering thousands of innocent people right now, Ukraine is standing their ground against the heathens. We will never live in a perfect world, if a kid didn't get into Harvard and some other school deemed not worthy they should own and be proud of what they did earn, not sure why this is a difficult concept.

Not sure why its a difficult concept for a lot of kids to not be nasty.

As I said, you can't control other people. Only yourself and the reaction to other nasty people...nasty people will always exist!

Yes - but it is also true that parents should teach their kids to not be nasty and that parents should not be nasty themselves....

Agree, but YOU CANNOT CONTROL THAT...the only thing you can teach YOUR child is being confident in their own skin. This is not a hard concept, my kid has lived their live in a wheel chair so I get it.

Does this "replacement" below help you understand?

"" As I said, you can't control other people. Only yourself and the reaction to other "racist" people..."racist" people will always exist ""

We ALL know what resilience is and I'm pretty certain most of us GET your point. But teaching/being resilience isn't everything and as far as I can tell, does not seem to be the issue for OP or OP's child.

Being/Teaching resilience doesn't mean it's then ok to summarily discount the valid point the OP has shed light on. The way you are replying to the OP is mean in itself. Maybe you didn't intend it that way...but digging in your heels about it has made you come across as a harda$$ who genuinely don't care.

If resilience is your only point - a "nicer" way to make that point might be to say "I totally hear you, people are obnoxious in DMV about colleges. The best way we have found to manage the minefield is by combatting at home with positive messaging and teaching resilience".

Good luck to you. Hopefully you don't steamroll in real life as you have on this topic thread.

The OP “has shed light on” nothing. None of this will change.

You people convincing yourselves you’re saving the world because you post childish fits on the internet demanding to control other people’s behavior are laughable. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DC area sounds horrible! None of this is happening at our suburban Chicago high school by students or parents!!! Everyone is happy to be going to college

I am in a very rich Detroit suburb. Same here.

It's why we did raise our kids in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The DC area sounds horrible! None of this is happening at our suburban Chicago high school by students or parents!!! Everyone is happy to be going to college

I am in a very rich Detroit suburb. Same here.

It's why we did raise our kids in DC.

Why we DIDN'T ^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live now?

We live in Towson, on the north side of Baltimore (and yes, we really do like it here).

NP. I was reading this thread in horror until I reached this comment. We are planning to send our daughter to one of the Towson area privates, and I’m so glad to hear that there’s a much more positive and supportive vibe from the families there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with Op completely - my kid is planning to attend a good school, but was accepted into significantly better schools. He has been subject to so much pressure from peers and their parents that he is settling and making a big mistake. It has caused my DC great emotional distress and made him question his own decisions. I can't stand the DMV and the snobbish behavior of people - DCUM of course takes it to a completely new level!

This is happening to my kid too. Luckily, we were able to have him talk to someone in the field he is entering, and the expert on the subject gave him confidence that he was on the right course (even telling him to reach out when it was time for apply for a job), and the haters are just ignorant about his chosen path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

There is lots of teasing kids over this in high school. I am not sorry if you need me to explain that.

“Teasing” is part of high school and if your kid doesn’t have the confidence to handle it, get them outside help, or parent them, until they can. I am not sorry if you need me to explain that.

You are wrong. Life doesn't have to be that way. You choose to make it so, and the rest of us think you are a bore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, I was the PP that said a simple life rule...a confident kid would care less about this. How ironic, the knives came out, humorous indeed!

You just missed the fact that you said it in a rude way that came across as a put down to kids already feeling down because of socially inappropriate peers -- blaming the victim actually. You are essentially saying, "F'er if she can't take an insult." Not a life rule I live by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with Op completely - my kid is planning to attend a good school, but was accepted into significantly better schools. He has been subject to so much pressure from peers and their parents that he is settling and making a big mistake. It has caused my DC great emotional distress and made him question his own decisions. I can't stand the DMV and the snobbish behavior of people - DCUM of course takes it to a completely new level!

This. DC got accepted to UNC and UVA and decided to go to UNC. People, including parents, have acted like DC is going to a terrible school and keep asking why DC would turn down UVA for UNC. Just congratulate the kid and move on.

"I'm really excited to be moving to Chapel Hill. The people there are authentic, interesting, and kind, not at all like this area."

sincerely,

A Chapel Hill resident

[Anonymous]

The fear and insecurity in DC is palpable. No other place I have lived is like this. It’s like we’re the worst type of social climbers and bullies.