Can y'all stop being so mean, and tell your kids that, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

FYI - OP never said their child was having confidence issues and did not say their child was even having troubles. OP noted that parents and kids are not very thoughtful. You are only proving the point. Have an appropriate filter - especially if you are going to be judgmental. Include that filter in front of your children so they don't copy you.

Sure thing, thanks for the advice. You still missed the point but not surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid goes to a W school in Montgomery County. Husband and I are appalled at the nasty comments she receives. So rude, so nasty. We just figure the parents must be as nasty. Openly talk about their top SAT scores, and which colleges are good and which are not. Daughter has come home in tears. I can't wait to get out of this area and can't wait to get HER out. We don't want to look at Maryland for this reason - have had enough...

+1 - also a W school. I've told my spouse many times that I can't wait to move away from this area. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

Respectfully disagree. It IS mean. It's not that some of us merely "think" that it is mean.

--Parent of student dealing with the highlighted section.

OK, sorry your child is dealing with that. We control what we can control, there are mean people in this world. Hell, Russia is leveling entire cities and murdering thousands of innocent people right now, Ukraine is standing their ground against the heathens. We will never live in a perfect world, if a kid didn't get into Harvard and some other school deemed not worthy they should own and be proud of what they did earn, not sure why this is a difficult concept.

[Anonymous]

The kids are mean because the parents are mean. And, sadly OP, at 17/18 years old, very little can be done to change the behavior of kids who think their unkindness is okay because mom and dad say mean things about others all the time.

This area is full of bullies and they keep reproducing bullies. And many are bragging about where their child attends grade school or even nursery! That is where their self esteem comes from. So by the time Larla is headed to college - mom and dad have raised a kid who judges others all the time - based on where they go to school. Scary people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with Op completely - my kid is planning to attend a good school, but was accepted into significantly better schools. He has been subject to so much pressure from peers and their parents that he is settling and making a big mistake. It has caused my DC great emotional distress and made him question his own decisions. I can't stand the DMV and the snobbish behavior of people - DCUM of course takes it to a completely new level!

This. DC got accepted to UNC and UVA and decided to go to UNC. People, including parents, have acted like DC is going to a terrible school and keep asking why DC would turn down UVA for UNC. Just congratulate the kid and move on.

[Anonymous]

It’s really bad in the hyper-competitive privates. My kid says several kids haven’t announced yet and thinks it’s because they didn’t get in anywhere “good” and are praying they get off a waitlist before they have to tell. What contributes is kids rarely turn down a school for financial reasons so others assume where they are going is best they could do. In some cases there is glee because many of the party/social kids aren’t going to top schools. Some see it as chickens coming home to roost in the mean girls’ coops there. There is some compassion for good students who others believe didn’t get fairly treated in the admissions process/got screwed for no good reason. But the whole atmosphere for seniors right now is intense and would be hard to take no matter how good you are at letting things roll off your back. I think a lot of grownups would find it just as tough to get through. The best armour is a kid being truly happy about where they are going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with Op completely - my kid is planning to attend a good school, but was accepted into significantly better schools. He has been subject to so much pressure from peers and their parents that he is settling and making a big mistake. It has caused my DC great emotional distress and made him question his own decisions. I can't stand the DMV and the snobbish behavior of people - DCUM of course takes it to a completely new level!

This. DC got accepted to UNC and UVA and decided to go to UNC. People, including parents, have acted like DC is going to a terrible school and keep asking why DC would turn down UVA for UNC. Just congratulate the kid and move on.

Idiots - UNC is amazing with like a 10% out of state acceptance rate! Awesome for your kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

Respectfully disagree. It IS mean. It's not that some of us merely "think" that it is mean.

--Parent of student dealing with the highlighted section.

OK, sorry your child is dealing with that. We control what we can control, there are mean people in this world. Hell, Russia is leveling entire cities and murdering thousands of innocent people right now, Ukraine is standing their ground against the heathens. We will never live in a perfect world, if a kid didn't get into Harvard and some other school deemed not worthy they should own and be proud of what they did earn, not sure why this is a difficult concept.

Not sure why its a difficult concept for a lot of kids to not be nasty.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t just people in this area. My aunts said nasty things when my sister and I went to college.

I went to Georgetown. My one aunt said “oh I can’t imagine letting my kids go to a Catholic school. They’re going to brainwash you.” (Our family isn’t Catholic)

My sister went to UChicago. One of them said, “Isn’t that a state school?” <— hilarious, right? Not only are many state schools terrific, but she couldn’t even make her insult factually accurate.

But these are also the people who tracked my sister down outside a music school she went to on the weekend to ask her what I got on the SAT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t just people in this area. My aunts said nasty things when my sister and I went to college.

I went to Georgetown. My one aunt said “oh I can’t imagine letting my kids go to a Catholic school. They’re going to brainwash you.” (Our family isn’t Catholic)

My sister went to UChicago. One of them said, “Isn’t that a state school?” <— hilarious, right? Not only are many state schools terrific, but she couldn’t even make her insult factually accurate.

But these are also the people who tracked my sister down outside a music school she went to on the weekend to ask her what I got on the SAT.

Sorry — I should add that this was in NYC in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with Op completely - my kid is planning to attend a good school, but was accepted into significantly better schools. He has been subject to so much pressure from peers and their parents that he is settling and making a big mistake. It has caused my DC great emotional distress and made him question his own decisions. I can't stand the DMV and the snobbish behavior of people - DCUM of course takes it to a completely new level!

This. DC got accepted to UNC and UVA and decided to go to UNC. People, including parents, have acted like DC is going to a terrible school and keep asking why DC would turn down UVA for UNC. Just congratulate the kid and move on.

If you live in VA and turn down UVA I could see where the question comes from. If not then who cares? Both schools are great and logical people know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean this both on here and IRL. My child is a senior in high school and there are kids and parents saying really mean things to their classmates about what college they're going to. I hope you realize that there are a number of reasons why someone may be going to a ''bad'' college: their parents have no college savings for them (regardless of the parents income), the parents are professors or staff at the college the kid is going to, the kid has a family tradition of going to that college, the kid has medical issues that require staying within a certain radius from home, the kid is majoring in something where the school matters very little (e.g. nursing or elementary education), the school had a very niche program the student is interested in, or maybe the student is just an okay student. And as for the last point, that does not make them a bad PERSON. Understand that not every child has a burning desire to make a gazillion bucks, either.

For a confident child none of this needs to be explained, not sorry if you think that's mean.

Respectfully disagree. It IS mean. It's not that some of us merely "think" that it is mean.

--Parent of student dealing with the highlighted section.

OK, sorry your child is dealing with that. We control what we can control, there are mean people in this world. Hell, Russia is leveling entire cities and murdering thousands of innocent people right now, Ukraine is standing their ground against the heathens. We will never live in a perfect world, if a kid didn't get into Harvard and some other school deemed not worthy they should own and be proud of what they did earn, not sure why this is a difficult concept.

Not sure why its a difficult concept for a lot of kids to not be nasty.

As I said, you can't control other people. Only yourself and the reaction to other nasty people...nasty people will always exist!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The DC area sounds horrible! None of this is happening at our suburban Chicago high school by students or parents!!! Everyone is happy to be going to college

It happens everywhere. Kids at my DC's private school are being belittled if they chose to apply to a college close by---you are considered 'settling' or a 'loser'. Never mind the college is T30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid goes to a W school in Montgomery County. Husband and I are appalled at the nasty comments she receives. So rude, so nasty. We just figure the parents must be as nasty. Openly talk about their top SAT scores, and which colleges are good and which are not. Daughter has come home in tears. I can't wait to get out of this area and can't wait to get HER out. We don't want to look at Maryland for this reason - have had enough...

+1 - also a W school. I've told my spouse many times that I can't wait to move away from this area. It sucks.

I know what you mean. I went to a W school and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there when I went away for college. As a parent I knew there was no way I wanted to raise my kids in that area so my husband and I settled elsewhere (not far distance-wise but a world away in other ways). When my kid's friends were making college decisions, every single one of them was cheered. No negative comments from the kids or the parents. I'm sure some parents were competitive and nasty but I mostly experienced full support and that's exactly what I offer my friends' kids now. I hope you get to move - just visiting my family back in the area raises my blood pressure!

[Anonymous]

Where do you live now?