Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

PP here (not OP) - you obviously have not been through this ordeal. It is pretty awful.

What is so awful about it! The worst case scenario here is OP’s inheritance from her father is less than she’s already counting on. But OP is not entitled to an inheritance, and it’s so gross that she’s already counting the pennies of it before her father is dead. I guarantee you everyone else in OP’s family knows the score here, including her own father.

PP here. Yes, and the "score" here is that the sister is a thieving, manipulative moocher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

PP here (not OP) - you obviously have not been through this ordeal. It is pretty awful.

I've never been through something like this either, so that's why I'm asking an anonymous board. The estate question marks are I guess separate from the demeanor of her acting like she already owns the place, but it could tease out the other. It is not her beach house but she's essentially taken control of it already and acts like it to my dad, to me, even to people in the neighborhood it's in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

He's living there.

OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.

1. Instead of working to buy her own, she and husband act like they own his beach house.

2. "Calling the shots" like it's hers or as if she's paying for anything, including making dad pay to have something redone to their specifications.

3. Separately, but worth mentioning, maybe this behavior signals she is laying the groundwork to get the house in her name soon (pre-death) or in his estate instead of his estate being divided equally among three siblings.

OP, either let it go and fight her when dad is gone, or talk to da (NOT HER) about it now). Nothing to stop you from drawing up a fair and equitable will with dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

PP here (not OP) - you obviously have not been through this ordeal. It is pretty awful.

I've never been through something like this either, so that's why I'm asking an anonymous board. The estate question marks are I guess separate from the demeanor of her acting like she already owns the place, but it could tease out the other. It is not her beach house but she's essentially taken control of it already and acts like it to my dad, to me, even to people in the neighborhood it's in.

She's pissed that you did better than her. Since you asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

+1

Exactly. WTF? Who steals from family and why is other PP okay with this? I think we know the answer.

[Anonymous]

It’s entirely possible your dad likes her suggestions and appreciates her overseeing the work, but is afraid to tell you that because you’re so judgmental and bean-counting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

+1

Exactly. WTF? Who steals from family and why is other PP okay with this? I think we know the answer.

No one has stolen anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

He's living there.

OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.

1. Instead of working to buy her own, she and husband act like they own his beach house.

2. "Calling the shots" like it's hers or as if she's paying for anything, including making dad pay to have something redone to their specifications.

3. Separately, but worth mentioning, maybe this behavior signals she is laying the groundwork to get the house in her name soon (pre-death) or in his estate instead of his estate being divided equally among three siblings.

OP, either let it go and fight her when dad is gone, or talk to da (NOT HER) about it now). Nothing to stop you from drawing up a fair and equitable will with dad.

LOL, actually OP gets zero say in her dad’s will.

[Anonymous]

She may think she's doing you and your dad a favor. You now have your own house to worry about, so she is stepping up in terms of helping dad with his house and staying with him. Maybe OP loves doing house stuff, but I would not want to be caring for 3 homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

PP here (not OP) - you obviously have not been through this ordeal. It is pretty awful.

I've never been through something like this either, so that's why I'm asking an anonymous board. The estate question marks are I guess separate from the demeanor of her acting like she already owns the place, but it could tease out the other. It is not her beach house but she's essentially taken control of it already and acts like it to my dad, to me, even to people in the neighborhood it's in.

OP you really need to stop thinking about her "demeanor" on this. You may not like the way she is behaving, but it does not impact you and you've given us no facts to indicate your father is being harmed. Let that go. That is ALL wrapped up in how you feel about your sister and not what she is actually doing.

If your concern if that you are not going to get "your part" of an inheritance, well I guess than you can just ask your dad. But if I were you I would not want to put my dad in that position. My best advice to you is just to try not to think about this at all.

[Anonymous]

I've seen this before. What will happen is the sister will simply use the beach house as if it's her own, and will not agree to sell or to buy out her siblings. Be prepared, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP this is not your house. You get zero say. Your father is an adult and of sound mind.
He doesn't owe you anything.
LOL people with real money do not post like you did.

[Anonymous]

Keeping on top of renovations and updates will help you get more $ for the house when it comes time to sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

Please give us an example of you "losing" $333,000 to someone and you letting it be water under the bridge. And wouldn't it be $666,000, since presumably sister would try to cut out both of her siblings. And speaking of bridges, I have one to sell you if you think someone who would steal a beach house from an elderly parent would stop at the house and wouldn't weasel into the rest of dad's estate, life insurance, stocks and bonds.

Still waiting for the snarky poster to tell us about the time they let it slide after someone stole over 300 grand from them.

+1

Exactly. WTF? Who steals from family and why is other PP okay with this? I think we know the answer.

No one has stolen anything.

Yet.

OP knows her sister well enough to be concerned, apparently.