Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

I genuinely do not understand the issue here, at all.

Your sister is spending time with your father and not telling you in advance.
Your sister is participating in improvements to your father's house.
And while I'm not at all sure I understand why it is relevant, she is "less successful" than you and you have a beach house.

What is the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

+1 making problems where there are no problems

Yes agree, and that’s clearly why she pointed out that she’s “less successful” in the subject. Op is willing to lose her sister over $333k.

OP pointed out that her sister is less successful because her sister doesn't work and appears to feel entitled to the family beach house now that OP bought her own. OP is no less entitled to the family house just because she's successful. OP I sympathize with you. Sounds like OP's sister is willing to lose her over $333,000

+1

Totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

So what? She still is showing up for the father. How ofter in OP visiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

It's my dad's house, it's his money, he has a sharp mind. Where would I get off telling him how to renovate his house? Where does my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband get off bossing or guilt-tripping my dad around to fix or renovate things how they want? They aren't paying for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

He's living there.

OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

+1

How are you people defending the lazy mooch sister, when the sister doesn't even hold a JOB (ie: plenty of time to manipulate the dad)??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have your own friggin beach house. Dammit. Count your blessings, let dad give her the beach house. Why are you so jealous???

Because she has saved and made sacrifices to own the beach house, whereas the sister hasn’t.

Yeah but how often is OP visiting her dad and helping him out? Maybe the sister is helping care for him or spends time with him and that provides companionship and comfort to him?

The sister doesn't even hold a job!

So what? She still is showing up for the father. How ofter in OP visiting?

Presumably, OP has a job and family, unlike mooching sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

It's my dad's house, it's his money, he has a sharp mind. Where would I get off telling him how to renovate his house? Where does my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband get off bossing or guilt-tripping my dad around to fix or renovate things how they want? They aren't paying for it.

OP, your dad is probably of sound mind for legal purposes. But where he may not be the same is just not having the mental and emotional energy to argue with your sister and her husband if they keep nagging him about something. Just try to encourage him to speak up for himself and his opinions if he doesn't like a renovation but is too tired to protest it.

[Anonymous]

This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

It's my dad's house, it's his money, he has a sharp mind. Where would I get off telling him how to renovate his house? Where does my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband get off bossing or guilt-tripping my dad around to fix or renovate things how they want? They aren't paying for it.

OP, your dad is probably of sound mind for legal purposes. But where he may not be the same is just not having the mental and emotional energy to argue with your sister and her husband if they keep nagging him about something. Just try to encourage him to speak up for himself and his opinions if he doesn't like a renovation but is too tired to protest it.

+1

That's just it - Mooch Sister is wearing dad down. Not sure there is much OP can do about it, but at least now OP knows who Mooch Sister really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

It's my dad's house, it's his money, he has a sharp mind. Where would I get off telling him how to renovate his house? Where does my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband get off bossing or guilt-tripping my dad around to fix or renovate things how they want? They aren't paying for it.

You keep doubling down on how much disdain you have for your sister. Do you think maybe that disdain is influencing how you perceive/interpret what is happening?

If your father is so sharp, he can handle the input they are giving him. Are you trying to manage your sister's relationship with your dad? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

PP here (not OP) - you obviously have not been through this ordeal. It is pretty awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your main complaint is that she is frequently using an otherwise vacant beach house with the owner’s full permission. You could sell your beach house and then compete with her to use your dad’s if that would make you feel better.

He's living there.

OP, you are getting beat up because it is hard to tell from your description what exactly your sister is doing. Isn't your sister visiting your dad with his permission? Why does she need to check in with you and your brother when goes to visit your dad? It doesn't make a ton of sense. I think it is fine to start having conversations about what will happen to the house when your dad passes so you know everyone's expectations.

1. Instead of working to buy her own, she and husband act like they own his beach house.

2. "Calling the shots" like it's hers or as if she's paying for anything, including making dad pay to have something redone to their specifications.

3. Separately, but worth mentioning, maybe this behavior signals she is laying the groundwork to get the house in her name soon (pre-death) or in his estate instead of his estate being divided equally among three siblings.

[Anonymous]

OP I suggest you try to identify what your actual issue is.

Are you concerned about your sister's current day actions and want her to stop doing something? If so, why and who would it benefit? Do you really think your dad would be better off if you told your sister to visit him less? to check with you before she did? You want to tell her to not mentioning anything about renovations to your dad?

Or are you really simply concerned about what will happen to your dad's estate after he passes? If it is this, do you really want to do anything about it now? Have a conversation with him about his will? Then do that. But think through the impact it will have on you, your sister, your brother, and your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is one big projection by OP. Her only interest in her father is the size of her future inheritance, so she assumes everyone else views him the same way. It’s gross, OP.

PP here (not OP) - you obviously have not been through this ordeal. It is pretty awful.

What is so awful about it! The worst case scenario here is OP’s inheritance from her father is less than she’s already counting on. But OP is not entitled to an inheritance, and it’s so gross that she’s already counting the pennies of it before her father is dead. I guarantee you everyone else in OP’s family knows the score here, including her own father.