Men do you care if your wives are average looking after babies and many years of marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been with my husband for 14 years, married 11 - we have 3 young kids. I realized I haven't put on jeans or button pants in forever since I WFH full time and run around after 3 young kids during the morning/evenings/weekends. I am definitely bigger than when we met (was around 135 when we met and now at 145). Would you prefer a wife who has to seriously restrict their diet, no booze, and works out all the time in order to maintain their weight or would you prefer a wife who has a little bit more weight, works out regularly but just can't shed those last 10 postpartum pounds? I am still at a good pant size (26-27 inch waist) but just don't know if I have it in me to push to lost the last 10 pounds. I really like wine and food.

Why don't you talk to husband? They are a bunch of women answering for men, and even when a man answers, women just override what he says. So what is it you are looking for here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

I was going to write this. Unfortunately weight is easier for women to control than sex drive.

Is it really though?
I bet that if your wife let herself gain 20 lbs so that she wasn’t hungry all of the time and spent an hour a day with you trying to figure out what she liked in bed instead of working out, she could get her sex drive back in six months. She has likely put almost zero effort into it.

Did you ever see the Angel Kays starvation study? A bunch of young, healthy men lost 20% of their body weight over six months. They all got depressed and lost their sex drive. Isn’t it possible the same thing is going on with your wife?

[Anonymous]

*Ancel Keys, not Angel Kays. Stupid autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

It is a lot, but I’ve never been obsessive about my weight at all. And I’m just finding it hard to care about losing it. I feel like I’m 40 now, not 25. So what if I’m a size 12 instead of a size 8?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

This is absolutely true for most men. Of course, there is a line somewhere between gaining a bit of weight and becoming so obese it's unattractive. I don't think 30 pounds is that big of a deal, and he wants to see you naked.

Is this a man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

It is a lot, but I’ve never been obsessive about my weight at all. And I’m just finding it hard to care about losing it. I feel like I’m 40 now, not 25. So what if I’m a size 12 instead of a size 8?

It depends on the relationship. I care a lot about 10lbs of weight gain, and my husband would definitely care about 30lbs of weight gain. If your husband does not care, and you don't care, it does not seem like a problem at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been with my husband for 14 years, married 11 - we have 3 young kids. I realized I haven't put on jeans or button pants in forever since I WFH full time and run around after 3 young kids during the morning/evenings/weekends. I am definitely bigger than when we met (was around 135 when we met and now at 145). Would you prefer a wife who has to seriously restrict their diet, no booze, and works out all the time in order to maintain their weight or would you prefer a wife who has a little bit more weight, works out regularly but just can't shed those last 10 postpartum pounds? I am still at a good pant size (26-27 inch waist) but just don't know if I have it in me to push to lost the last 10 pounds. I really like wine and food.

he only cares if the sex stops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

It is a lot, but I’ve never been obsessive about my weight at all. And I’m just finding it hard to care about losing it. I feel like I’m 40 now, not 25. So what if I’m a size 12 instead of a size 8?

It depends on the relationship. I care a lot about 10lbs of weight gain, and my husband would definitely care about 30lbs of weight gain. If your husband does not care, and you don't care, it does not seem like a problem at all.

He does care.
I was just asking if most men care or if he is in the minority.

I’m not unhealthy or anything. It’s purely an aesthetic thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

It is a lot, but I’ve never been obsessive about my weight at all. And I’m just finding it hard to care about losing it. I feel like I’m 40 now, not 25. So what if I’m a size 12 instead of a size 8?

It depends on the relationship. I care a lot about 10lbs of weight gain, and my husband would definitely care about 30lbs of weight gain. If your husband does not care, and you don't care, it does not seem like a problem at all.

He does care.
I was just asking if most men care or if he is in the minority.

I’m not unhealthy or anything. It’s purely an aesthetic thing.

Did you get your answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been with my husband for 14 years, married 11 - we have 3 young kids. I realized I haven't put on jeans or button pants in forever since I WFH full time and run around after 3 young kids during the morning/evenings/weekends. I am definitely bigger than when we met (was around 135 when we met and now at 145). Would you prefer a wife who has to seriously restrict their diet, no booze, and works out all the time in order to maintain their weight or would you prefer a wife who has a little bit more weight, works out regularly but just can't shed those last 10 postpartum pounds? I am still at a good pant size (26-27 inch waist) but just don't know if I have it in me to push to lost the last 10 pounds. I really like wine and food.

I would much rather hang out with you being happy enjoying a good meal and a few drinks than having you turn into a thinner way less fun version of yourself. Don’t change, I bet you’re a fox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

It is a lot, but I’ve never been obsessive about my weight at all. And I’m just finding it hard to care about losing it. I feel like I’m 40 now, not 25. So what if I’m a size 12 instead of a size 8?

It depends on the relationship. I care a lot about 10lbs of weight gain, and my husband would definitely care about 30lbs of weight gain. If your husband does not care, and you don't care, it does not seem like a problem at all.

He does care.
I was just asking if most men care or if he is in the minority.

I’m not unhealthy or anything. It’s purely an aesthetic thing.

Did you get your answer?

No. Not really.
Some men said they would prefer sex, but that seemed hypothetical.
I don’t personally think that a good sex life and weight loss go hand in hand. There has to be a certain dissatisfaction with your body to lose weight that has a psychological effect on weight loss. And then fat produces estrogen, so there is a physiological effect as well. Plus it has played out again and again during times of famine that fertility and birth rates decrease significantly. I just don’t think that weight loss and sex go together.

My husband has said that he would prefer the weight loss. I don’t know if other men * whose wives have actually gained weight * feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I care way more about how much sex we are having and how enthusiastic she is. Would much rather be doing it frequently and enthusiastically with a heavier wife than one who is thin but had no interest

Is this really true for most men? I have gained about 30 lbs since we were married 15 years ago. We have four kids, but the youngest is in second grade, so it’s hard to call it baby weight.
I have always been pretty enthusiastic about sex, and sex with my husband specifically. Lately though, I have been feeling like he would prefer that I put that energy into losing the weight rather than our love life.

30 pounds is a lot. I have also been married 15 years and my youngest is 5. I have gained 10. I was up 15-20 during Covid and back down to 10 over pre kid weight. I’m putting effort into losing it but isn’t really going anywhere. I may just have to accept that at age 44 I am 10 pounds heavier than at age 29.

It is a lot, but I’ve never been obsessive about my weight at all. And I’m just finding it hard to care about losing it. I feel like I’m 40 now, not 25. So what if I’m a size 12 instead of a size 8?

It depends on the relationship. I care a lot about 10lbs of weight gain, and my husband would definitely care about 30lbs of weight gain. If your husband does not care, and you don't care, it does not seem like a problem at all.

He does care.
I was just asking if most men care or if he is in the minority.

I’m not unhealthy or anything. It’s purely an aesthetic thing.

Did you get your answer?

No. Not really.
Some men said they would prefer sex, but that seemed hypothetical.
I don’t personally think that a good sex life and weight loss go hand in hand. There has to be a certain dissatisfaction with your body to lose weight that has a psychological effect on weight loss. And then fat produces estrogen, so there is a physiological effect as well. Plus it has played out again and again during times of famine that fertility and birth rates decrease significantly. I just don’t think that weight loss and sex go together.

My husband has said that he would prefer the weight loss. I don’t know if other men * whose wives have actually gained weight * feel the same.

DP.. I went from a size 0 when we got together to a size 4/6 now (50, and post two babies) . My DH has never made a comment on my weight gain (a lot, and I'm very short). He has made comments about the lack of sex, though. And I know he still finds me desirable.

[Anonymous]

I think this is probably a false binary? You can lose 10lbs without completely cutting out booze, dieting obsessively, and working out constantly. You can also stay at your current weight and be healthy and attractive! Just do what will make you feel good and happy. Who cares what the men of DCUM prefer.

[Anonymous]

Ha, I have the same weight/height as OP, with a thicker waist to boot. Glad to know I am "average looking." Luckily I have been always been this size so my husband can't complain about a bait and switch...I was average looking from the jump.