Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

[Anonymous]

What's there to discuss? She is who she is. Your values are vastly different. Engagements are still a trial period end it now.

It will suck but better to suck now than after the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

[Anonymous]

Your values are not her values. Run. This will not get better.

I don't think you're cheap. I think you are frugal. Someone else will agree with me. She won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person). However, none of that matters. What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions. You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term. Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

If there is no other issue and you two love each other, talk to her and voice your concerns. Use this as a dispute resolution test. If you two pass, good for you. If not, find someone with similar values. Money can sour relationships, usually lack of it but spending habits also matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound cheap. Admit that you can’t afford her and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.

She can’t afford herself..which is why she is trying to find someone to pay for her. Gross.
OP…I would end this engagement. Much better women out there for you.

Uh no OP makes 400k alone. They can def afford at least $2m house, he can on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run, she is never going to be happy. She was very rude about the engagement ring. She showed you who she is.

Yep. When people show you who they are, believe them. If she changed like this after the engagement, imagine what she will do after the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Op, your values don’t align. Better to find out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person). However, none of that matters. What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions. You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term. Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things. Good luck, OP.

You keep calling OP cheap but there is nothing wrong with living within your means and saving for the future. Too many people spend all of their money or love beyond their means and end up in debt.

I lived on $30k/year in my twenties while I went to nursing school for my BSN and masters. I was able to save and pay off $100k worth of loans in two years. I lived this way until I was married and was able to save over $500k by 30 years old. Most of co-workers bought huge expensive gifts and are still paying off SL.

I would rather be OP and live well below my means, than to spend all my money or be in a bunch of debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person). However, none of that matters. What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions. You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term. Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things. Good luck, OP.

You keep calling OP cheap but there is nothing wrong with living within your means and saving for the future. Too many people spend all of their money or love beyond their means and end up in debt.

I lived on $30k/year in my twenties while I went to nursing school for my BSN and masters. I was able to save and pay off $100k worth of loans in two years. I lived this way until I was married and was able to save over $500k by 30 years old. Most of co-workers bought huge expensive gifts and are still paying off SL.

I would rather be OP and live well below my means, than to spend all my money or be in a bunch of debt.

There can be a happy medium. I mean, would it make sense for a broke college student to subsist on Ramen? Yes. Would it make sense for a guy making 400K to do so? That would be cheap. That’s the equivalence here. OP is basically the modern day equivalent of my aunt, who owns multiple rental properties and has millions in savings, but lives in a crime infested neighborhood and only wears second hand clothing, including undergarments. That’s well beyond living well within one’s means.

Anyway, categorization doesn’t matter here. OP has some adulting to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person). However, none of that matters. What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions. You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term. Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things. Good luck, OP.

You keep calling OP cheap but there is nothing wrong with living within your means and saving for the future. Too many people spend all of their money or love beyond their means and end up in debt.

I lived on $30k/year in my twenties while I went to nursing school for my BSN and masters. I was able to save and pay off $100k worth of loans in two years. I lived this way until I was married and was able to save over $500k by 30 years old. Most of co-workers bought huge expensive gifts and are still paying off SL.

I would rather be OP and live well below my means, than to spend all my money or be in a bunch of debt.

There can be a happy medium. I mean, would it make sense for a broke college student to subsist on Ramen? Yes. Would it make sense for a guy making 400K to do so? That would be cheap. That’s the equivalence here. OP is basically the modern day equivalent of my aunt, who owns multiple rental properties and has millions in savings, but lives in a crime infested neighborhood and only wears second hand clothing, including undergarments. That’s well beyond living well within one’s means.

Anyway, categorization doesn’t matter here. OP has some adulting to do.

You sound very ignorant. What “ adulting” does he need to do? Is blowing all of his money “ adulting”? The adult thing is him living below his means and saving for his future. It sounds like something you can’t comprehend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person). However, none of that matters. What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions. You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term. Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things. Good luck, OP.

You keep calling OP cheap but there is nothing wrong with living within your means and saving for the future. Too many people spend all of their money or love beyond their means and end up in debt.

I lived on $30k/year in my twenties while I went to nursing school for my BSN and masters. I was able to save and pay off $100k worth of loans in two years. I lived this way until I was married and was able to save over $500k by 30 years old. Most of co-workers bought huge expensive gifts and are still paying off SL.

I would rather be OP and live well below my means, than to spend all my money or be in a bunch of debt.

There can be a happy medium. I mean, would it make sense for a broke college student to subsist on Ramen? Yes. Would it make sense for a guy making 400K to do so? That would be cheap. That’s the equivalence here. OP is basically the modern day equivalent of my aunt, who owns multiple rental properties and has millions in savings, but lives in a crime infested neighborhood and only wears second hand clothing, including undergarments. That’s well beyond living well within one’s means.

Anyway, categorization doesn’t matter here. OP has some adulting to do.

You sound very ignorant. What “ adulting” does he need to do? Is blowing all of his money “ adulting”? The adult thing is him living below his means and saving for his future. It sounds like something you can’t comprehend.

The adulting involves sitting down and having an honest conversation with his fiancé about their different values. Either they can work this out now, or choose to go their separate ways.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to find someone else. She will spend your money.

I have a family member who makes double your salary and lives like you. His wife works. They live in a $900,000 house. They drive normal cars. They had a family-only wedding. No engagement ring. It works because their values around material things align. He could never marry someone like your gf/fiancé

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

OP here. That’s was bit of exaggeration but I save majority of my money. I live in a paid off condo my parents bought as their vacation home in VA. I make roughly $400k and live on about $40k a year. I have no debt and don’t buy things I don’t need. I pay them a small rent fee, utilities, household necessities, food, and phone bill. I spend roughly 2500-3000k a month. Some months I spend more. I’ve been able to save a ton during the pandemic with everything closed down. I’ve been able to save a large amount of money by living like this.

There's frugal, and there's cheap, and well, I think you're running the risk of being more the latter than the former (and I say this as a wealthy but frugal person). However, none of that matters. What matters is that your fiance and you do not see eye to eye on some pretty major life decisions. You can sit down and talk it out and see if there can be a meeting of the minds, or you can decide this is really not going to work out long-term. Either way requires doing some more difficult, grown-up things. Good luck, OP.

You keep calling OP cheap but there is nothing wrong with living within your means and saving for the future. Too many people spend all of their money or love beyond their means and end up in debt.

I lived on $30k/year in my twenties while I went to nursing school for my BSN and masters. I was able to save and pay off $100k worth of loans in two years. I lived this way until I was married and was able to save over $500k by 30 years old. Most of co-workers bought huge expensive gifts and are still paying off SL.

I would rather be OP and live well below my means, than to spend all my money or be in a bunch of debt.

There can be a happy medium. I mean, would it make sense for a broke college student to subsist on Ramen? Yes. Would it make sense for a guy making 400K to do so? That would be cheap. That’s the equivalence here. OP is basically the modern day equivalent of my aunt, who owns multiple rental properties and has millions in savings, but lives in a crime infested neighborhood and only wears second hand clothing, including undergarments. That’s well beyond living well within one’s means.

Anyway, categorization doesn’t matter here. OP has some adulting to do.

You sound very ignorant. What “ adulting” does he need to do? Is blowing all of his money “ adulting”? The adult thing is him living below his means and saving for his future. It sounds like something you can’t comprehend.

Isn’t getting married and starting a family the future you’d want to save for? What else are you pinching pennies for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you talk about?
Like you were going to be DINKs and travel the world, and now she wants a house in the suburbs and kids? Or you were going to get a house in the suburbs and have kids, but now she also wants to SAH with them for a couple of years?

OP here. The issue is the materialistic view that had suddenly come out.

Before we got engaged, we went to a friends house who had recently got engaged. My gf made a snide remark about how small the ring is and that she needs one at least double that size. I bought her a 1.5 carat and she has made comments that it could be bigger.

We had always planned to get married and buy a SFH to eventually raise kids in. We had talked about what we want in a home and a little on purchase price. Now the houses we talked about are no longer good enough and she wants a bigger, more expensive home. She grew up in a huge house and expects that lifestyle for her kids. She has said, without even asking, that we can use the money I saved for many years for a down payment. I’m more frugal and would not be willing to pay such a high amount for a home. It’s our money but I make the majority of our income.

We had talked about getting married and waiting 1-2 years and then having kids. She has since decided we should start trying right after we have her married. She has said that she wants to stay home since I make more money than she anyway.

We have had many long talks about these above issues and we were always on the same page. Now she has become a different person after getting engaged.

Nope. She showed you who she was before getting married. You just chose not to believe her.