Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

PP clearly has issues the statement "or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?" That whole statement is repulsive. Women aren't commodities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

You seem…….crazy. Go live your own life and stop being so invested in a stranger’s tale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

PP clearly has issues the statement "or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?" That whole statement is repulsive. Women aren't commodities.

DP. Oh please, let’s get real. Some men expect women to always meet a certain standard of beauty that does not come without a hefty price tag, and want them to provide a vibrant social life that does not come cheap (and some women have comparable expectations of men, but that off-topic for this particular discussion). Having those preferences is fine, but then you can’t complain about the cost of them.

But this also goes to the question someone asked about whether the ex was as frugal as OP during their relationship. If she spent money on expensive clothes, drinks or dinner with friends at high-end restaurants, etc., then OP was fooling himself if he thought she would do a complete turnaround once they got married. OP needs to make sure he’s targeting a dating pool that already budgets the way he wants to budget during marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

PP clearly has issues the statement "or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?" That whole statement is repulsive. Women aren't commodities.

DP. Oh please, let’s get real. Some men expect women to always meet a certain standard of beauty that does not come without a hefty price tag, and want them to provide a vibrant social life that does not come cheap (and some women have comparable expectations of men, but that off-topic for this particular discussion). Having those preferences is fine, but then you can’t complain about the cost of them.

But this also goes to the question someone asked about whether the ex was as frugal as OP during their relationship. If she spent money on expensive clothes, drinks or dinner with friends at high-end restaurants, etc., then OP was fooling himself if he thought she would do a complete turnaround once they got married. OP needs to make sure he’s targeting a dating pool that already budgets the way he wants to budget during marriage.

DP, seems like you be the perfect candidate to write a book on how to be a trophy wife and or trophy husband and for those want to date or marry them. Maybe I will see it on the NY Times bestseller list one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

DP. Someone asked, pp answered. Why are you so threatened by that?

Not threatened at all- just the amount of interest and reading in to the situation seems super disproportionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

+1. You’re way too invested.

OP did answer the SAHM question. How would OP be able to afford a 2.5m house if he has to pull back from work? Most people have no idea about what school they want for their kids until they have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

Dude. Calm down. Maybe he doesn't want to get that in-depth with strangers. You seem like you have issues.

+1. You’re way too invested.

OP did answer the SAHM question. How would OP be able to afford a 2.5m house if he has to pull back from work? Most people have no idea about what school they want for their kids until they have kids.

OP said he would be okay with her being a SAHM. He did not answer whether he expected her to be a SAHM, and he didn’t touch at all whether he was willing to adjust his work demands to pick up 50% of the childcare and domestic chores so she could continue to pursue her career after they have kids.

[Anonymous]

To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Friend: Why did you guys break up?

OP: X decided she wanted to live in big house and stay home with our kids.

Friend: The nerve of the girl.

You are leaving a lot out but you know that. Not even close.

DP. So is OP. He has been dodging a lot of questions in this discussion.

What questions has OP been dodging? He has answered many questions that have been asked on this thread.

Questions OP did not answer:

1. “Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.”

2. “On the SAHP thing, are you willing to ease up on your own career (maybe switch to a job with lower pay but better quality of life) is you can be a full 50% partner on the home and childcare front?”

3. “OP, what do you think are reasonable compromises on these issues? Where are you willing to deviate from your ideal plan?”

4. “OP, do you like the idea of traditional gender roles in a marriage? Where you get to be the husband who “takes care of“ his family and you get to make most of the big decisions pretty much unilaterally? Or do you prefer to have a marriage with a partner who is also wage earning and wants to build a life with you and also has an equal say in everything?”

5. “Op is a well off guy. Does he want his wife to work and have a nanny? Or send your baby to daycare?”

6. “OP, did you really have no clue that she wanted a different lifestyle than you are willing to contribute to? Does she wear cheap, frumpy clothes, no jewelry, hair only gets cut every six months, carrying an extra 10 pounds because she doesn’t want to pay for a gym or even new running shoes, living in a cheap crummy apartment and never spending money to socialize with friends?”

I am sure you will find grounds to dismiss them, but these question get at important points about OP’s expectations for marriage and family life, and whether his dating choices are likely to lead to the kid of marriage he thinks he wants. The question of how he and his hypothetical wife would balance careers and children is a major issue for a marriage. Is he willing to ease up on his own career so he can participate equally in home life while his wife to continues to also pursue her own career at a level comparable to OP’s? If his preference is for his wife to scale back her career or stop working entirely so he doesn’t have to make any career sacrifices, can he also accept that he will have to share “his” money equally with his wife, and can’t use “I make the money” as an excuse to control her financially? Bigger picture, is he willing to compromise and find an acceptable middle ground when he and his wife have disagreements, or will it be “my way or the highway”?

And before he even gets to that point, is he dating women who seem to have values and preferences aligned with his, particularly his strict frugality, or is he looking for women who fit certain standards of “hot” and “socially desirable” to boost his own self-image while conveniently ignoring that those things come with a financial cost he’s not willing to bear?

OP here.

- I’m not sure about what school I would send my kids to. Likely private unless we lived in an area with top rated schools. Schools are very terrible and I’m open to home schooling too. That’s a long ways away and it depends on my kids and what they need.

- I will not be scaling back at my job. I work 40-50 hour weeks and can easily help out with kids/household without needing to take another job.

- I have no issue paying for these major items as long as I’m not set stretched beyond what’s I’m comfortable with, or if she also contributes. My ex made $200k/year and had a savings account, but never offered to help pay for any major needs. Yes I did tell her I love frugal because I wanted to provide a comfortable lifestyle for my future wife and kids, but that does not mean the most expensive lifestyle or that she couldn’t contribute. She never told me how much she had in savings, and besides paying for groceries and some household stuff a couple of times, she never paid for anything.

- I’m open to what my future wife wants. I don’t have any expectations on wanting a wife who works or stays home. I’m comfortable with each option. Regardless of staying home or having a career, she will always be an equal partnership and have a say. My mom stayed home and my parents were equals partners. I think both maybe overruled each other on certain things that were important to them, but they were always a united front. My mom had access to everything and was able to spend within budget and that’s what I want.

- I’m open to either option. I think it would depend on what makes sense for our schedules and the type of kids we have.

- She is fit. She does dress nicely but she never wore a ton of jewelry or went shopping a ton in the year we were together. She wasn’t one of those women who needed super expensive clothes or a bunch of pursues. She took care of herself, but I know several women in my life ( mom, ex gfs, SIL, friends wives, family members) that look good and take care of themselves without needing an expensive lifestyle to do it. My ex before this one made about the same as this ex and she didn’t spend a ton of money. She also saved her money and lived frugal to pay off SL and save for the future. She always looked amazing but she wasn’t into fancy stuff. You don’t need an expensive to look good or socialize.

- I will be an equal partner. My dad was a strong man and took care of us and helped my mom with household stuff. I’ve always been the main cook in prior relationships and don’t mind helping clean up. I want to be an active and involved parent. A wife who stays at home might do a little more of childcare or household tasks, but I will be help out and be involved.

- I didn’t go for the hottest woman. Physical attraction is important, but there is more to attraction than looks. I want a wife and I want a partner who compliments me.

- My money will be her money once we are married. We will have a budget like most people and she will have full access to our money regardless if she works or stays home. My ex before this one and I lived together for a year and we had a joint account. Both of used it without checking with each other unless the purchase was large ( over $500). She contributed and money was never an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

OP here. I’m fine with this. I’ve dated feminine women who were frugal. You don’t need an expensive budget to take look good. I live frugal because I wanted a good future for myself and to provide a comfortable lifestyle for my future wife and kids, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to live frugal forever. We will have a budget like any family and consult each other on major purchases, but we do not have to live by a strict budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

This. I was frugal when I was single and also now that I am married. Would not meet exacting standards for "hotness" because that costs a lot of money in just clothes and upkeep.

OP, you have a choice: high standards for what you consider feminity (costing you $$$ once you get married) or a frugal woman whose goal is to also save money. The two are not compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

This. I was frugal when I was single and also now that I am married. Would not meet exacting standards for "hotness" because that costs a lot of money in just clothes and upkeep.

OP, you have a choice: high standards for what you consider feminity (costing you $$$ once you get married) or a frugal woman whose goal is to also save money. The two are not compatible.

The OP just said he dated a feminine woman who was frugal. But keep on preaching this drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

This. I was frugal when I was single and also now that I am married. Would not meet exacting standards for "hotness" because that costs a lot of money in just clothes and upkeep.

OP, you have a choice: high standards for what you consider feminity (costing you $$$ once you get married) or a frugal woman whose goal is to also save money. The two are not compatible.

The OP just said he dated a feminine woman who was frugal. But keep on preaching this drivel.

Women saying you need money to look good and feminine are either lying, nor feminine and lie to themselves, or lazy. I lived on a frigate budget of $30k I’m a major city when I was in school. I didn’t have a money for super fancy things or designer brands, but I had a good skincare regimen, worked out and ate healthy, and dressed nicely. You have no idea how taking good care of your skin, working out and eating healthy, and dressing nicely will make you look good and look feminine. My husband and I have a high HHI but I still never buy a bunch of designer clothes, handbags, or jewelry. Many traditional women are Christians and they don’t wear a ton of makeup or jewelry and still look feminine. I never had issues attracting men in my frugal days. Many women in low income areas still manage look feminine and attractive. Stop with the nonsense that you need a ton of money in order to take care of yourself or look feminine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

This. I was frugal when I was single and also now that I am married. Would not meet exacting standards for "hotness" because that costs a lot of money in just clothes and upkeep.

OP, you have a choice: high standards for what you consider feminity (costing you $$$ once you get married) or a frugal woman whose goal is to also save money. The two are not compatible.

The OP just said he dated a feminine woman who was frugal. But keep on preaching this drivel.

So he found the ideal type of woman and is not currently with her. Why? OP should think about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those speculating OP could never find a partner as frugal as him, I disagree. I was super frugal back when I was single. But there's no way I could have ever met OP's standards for femininity. None of the frugal women I know are feminine, and none of the feminine ones I know are frugal.

Note to OP: feminine women are more likely to want to be SAHMs, expect their husbands to cover major expenses such as housing, want to spend more money on jewelry/clothing/makeup/housing/home decor/personal grooming/etc. OP should adjust his expectations accordingly.

This. I was frugal when I was single and also now that I am married. Would not meet exacting standards for "hotness" because that costs a lot of money in just clothes and upkeep.

OP, you have a choice: high standards for what you consider feminity (costing you $$$ once you get married) or a frugal woman whose goal is to also save money. The two are not compatible.

The OP just said he dated a feminine woman who was frugal. But keep on preaching this drivel.

So he found the ideal type of woman and is not currently with her. Why? OP should think about this.

My initial observation was that he seemed more compatible with the previous ex as well but OP didn't delve into too much details other than she looked amazing and was thrifty.