Girlfriend Has Changed Her Mind On Every Important Issue

[Anonymous]

Run for the exits OP while you can. Whatever you do/buy will never be good enough for this princess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the first page of this thread, you were given a substantive post on what to say. Interesting that OP has not commented on that one at all but instead chooses to make his case.

Because this is 100% a creative writing exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got engaged to my girlfriend - now fiancé, on Valentines Day. We have been together for a year and I thought I saw my life with her, but her new attitude is making me question everything. We got along great - very much on the same page with major goals, etc. Now it seems like she has changed her mind about major things. Some of the comments she has made about her having a big ring, an expensive house, and her quitting her job to have kids right away, is nothing of which we talked about the entire year of our relationship. I feel like with a different person than the one I was dating. We have had some small talks about these things and she has changed her mind on every important decision. I’m seriously considering having a heart to heart talk and putting our engagement on hold, if not ending the relationship. I need advice on how to navigate this.

Heart to heart talk, absolutely. Ending relationship? Totally depends on how it all goes down. I mean this kindly, but being together for a year is nothing. That doesn't mean that can't work for some people. But at 30 and 35, you guys are just wrapping your heads around what it mean to start a family, share huge financial decisions, make career moves that fit all that, etc. She's watching her contemporaries do the same thing and it's easy to get swept up in a vision for what life "should" look like, especially if you're not the one footing the bill (and I say this as both the higher earning spouse and a women who has felt pangs of desire to live above our means). Before you pull the plug on this thing, lay out your concerns as a PP suggested. Don't do it defensively, but just in the way you've described. You're concerned that the two of you aren't on the same page about big life goals. That's crucial to discuss prior to marriage. Also be honest with yourself about what you heard from her prior to engagement. Did you really inquire about what she wanted? Or assume she wanted what you wanted? No criticism, I've been on both sides of that coin.

I will say your statement about ending it sounds like you've got a foot out the door. And if you do, now's the time to get out. It's painful but not as painful as a life you don't want. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call off your engagement. If you’re this hesitant now, it’s not going to get better.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Homes in this area are expensive. You won’t be able to find homes for under $1 million in most areas.

OP here. I spent most of my life living frugal to share for big investments like a house, wedding, and kids. I was raised middle class. My parents lived below their means, and taught my brother and I the importance of saving money and living within your means. I love comfortably but I save 90% of what I make.

We are looking in Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, etc., and I know that we will need to spend money to get a house we want. We talked about a 3-4bd house with a nice yard. Now she says we need a 5-6 bd house.

Are you planning to pay for private schools? Your budget won’t get you much in those areas with decent schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound cheap. Admit that you can’t afford her and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not compatible. I actually agree with her about a few things - if you are truly saving 90 percent of what you make and just don’t want to pay for certain things, you are actually cheap. You really can afford more house. At 30 she really shouldn’t wait a long time to try for kids. That’s okay, but you don’t align, and whichever one bends will always be unhappy.

You don’t need an expensive home just because you want one and have the money. Anything can happen and then you will be stuck with a huge mortgage. The best thing is to buy a smaller, cheaper home that OP can cover if something were to happen.

[Anonymous]

You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

He must make a crap ton of money. Or live in a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run, she is never going to be happy. She was very rude about the engagement ring. She showed you who she is.

Completely agree. The tacky, hurtful ingratitude displayed upon receiving a 1.5 (!!!) caret ring is all you need to know. Your gut is trying to tell you something. Please listen. You’ve only dated for a year. You need to tell her “you’ve changed since we’ve gotten engaged. I never realized how materialistic you are and it’s become abundantly clear to me that we don’t see eye to eye on many important issues relating to our life goals. I don’t think we want the same things—most importantly a life partner who is interested in building a life equally, together.” This gal thinks she’s hitched herself to a gravy train.

You will make a costly mistake marrying this woman.

—50 year old female here who has been married for 22 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound cheap. Admit that you can’t afford her and let her find someone who can give her what she wants.

She can’t afford herself..which is why she is trying to find someone to pay for her. Gross.
OP…I would end this engagement. Much better women out there for you.

[Anonymous]

Hold off on marriage with her. Marriage is a business deal and tell Her she cha he’s the terms and you’re no longer interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Homes in this area are expensive. You won’t be able to find homes for under $1 million in most areas.

OP here. I spent most of my life living frugal to share for big investments like a house, wedding, and kids. I was raised middle class. My parents lived below their means, and taught my brother and I the importance of saving money and living within your means. I love comfortably but I save 90% of what I make.

We are looking in Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, etc., and I know that we will need to spend money to get a house we want. We talked about a 3-4bd house with a nice yard. Now she says we need a 5-6 bd house.

Why is everyone glossing over OP saving 90% of his income??? You are cheap AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You save 90% of what you make? You are cheap.

He must make a crap ton of money. Or live in a car.

Even making 1,000,000 a year (which I doubt bc op wants to spend only 1.5m on a house), spending only 100k of that is practically poor in DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too bad the thread was deleted, I would have shared the story of Engagement Ring girl with you OP. Because that is the exact same scenario.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/a-dc-lawyer-is-suing-his-former-girlfriend-for-the-return-of-a-100000-engagement-ring-2018-09-25

Ha! I know this guy.