I was so naive re marriage, career and kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should see a therapist and psychiatrist. You sound very angry.

Extra points for misogynistic gaslighting.

I’m trying to imagine a dad complaining about walking through the door at 9 pm, having avoided all childcare duty as the baby is now asleep, and complaining that his wife, who works full time, didn’t finish all the dishes in addition to everything else she did that evening.

His childcare duties involve 2-2.5 hours per day total.

And presumably you had a child because you think it’s fun.

Op: yes we used to have a nanny 8-6 and now daycare 730-6 pm.

OP: I need to remind him everything. He even forgets to wash the baby’s teeth.

How old is your baby? It sounds like you honestly need to let go a little and hire some help. Your husband is picking up the baby at 6 and alone with them until bed time? Do you see your child every day?

[Anonymous]

So basically neither of you is willing to commit spending a lot of time with the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should see a therapist and psychiatrist. You sound very angry.

Extra points for misogynistic gaslighting.

I’m trying to imagine a dad complaining about walking through the door at 9 pm, having avoided all childcare duty as the baby is now asleep, and complaining that his wife, who works full time, didn’t finish all the dishes in addition to everything else she did that evening.

His childcare duties involve 2-2.5 hours per day total.

And presumably you had a child because you think it’s fun.

Op: yes we used to have a nanny 8-6 and now daycare 730-6 pm.

Yes, that’s what a lot of dual working spouses handle. They swap up daycare pickup, take turns bathing, feeding, playing, soothing, rocking and reading to the baby.

Your husband is doing 100 percent of all that, and you are walking through the door at 9 pm complaining he didn’t do enough.

Sorry, I don’t see a dad getting much sympathy if he were posting and not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Sorry just frustrated.

He takes care of our toddler around 2.5 hours 3 days a week. I help out the other 2.

During the weekend, he gets kid free time 7am-2pm and then again after 730pm at night.

He does not want to split admin with me.

I’d rather do more of the fun direct childcare.

Why does he have kid free time 7am-2pm every weekend??? What’s he doing during that time? You both hardly see your kid as it is w daycare 7:30-6 daily and then kid goes to bed at 7:30. It sounds like neither one of you should’ve had kids. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Sorry just frustrated.

He takes care of our toddler around 2.5 hours 3 days a week. I help out the other 2.

During the weekend, he gets kid free time 7am-2pm and then again after 730pm at night.

He does not want to split admin with me.

I’d rather do more of the fun direct childcare.

Why does he have kid free time 7am-2pm every weekend??? What’s he doing during that time? You both hardly see your kid as it is w daycare 7:30-6 daily and then kid goes to bed at 7:30. It sounds like neither one of you should’ve had kids. Poor kid.

OP I usually hang out with the kid during that time so he can get free time.

[Anonymous]

Why aren’t you doing stuff on the weekends all together, as a family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Sorry just frustrated.

He takes care of our toddler around 2.5 hours 3 days a week. I help out the other 2.

During the weekend, he gets kid free time 7am-2pm and then again after 730pm at night.

He does not want to split admin with me.

I’d rather do more of the fun direct childcare.

Why does he have kid free time 7am-2pm every weekend??? What’s he doing during that time? You both hardly see your kid as it is w daycare 7:30-6 daily and then kid goes to bed at 7:30. It sounds like neither one of you should’ve had kids. Poor kid.

OP I usually hang out with the kid during that time so he can get free time.

[/quote
Op:
Sometime we do stuff all 3 together but he also likes doing his own hobbies so usually he’s child free during this time plus in the evenings. I take over the kid to make up childcare for the time he does during the week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t you doing stuff on the weekends all together, as a family?

OP we do but be really needs his free time. He says after the child goes to bed is not enough for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should see a therapist and psychiatrist. You sound very angry.

Extra points for misogynistic gaslighting.

I’m trying to imagine a dad complaining about walking through the door at 9 pm, having avoided all childcare duty as the baby is now asleep, and complaining that his wife, who works full time, didn’t finish all the dishes in addition to everything else she did that evening.

His childcare duties involve 2-2.5 hours per day total.

And presumably you had a child because you think it’s fun.

Op: yes we used to have a nanny 8-6 and now daycare 730-6 pm.

Yes, that’s what a lot of dual working spouses handle. They swap up daycare pickup, take turns bathing, feeding, playing, soothing, rocking and reading to the baby.

Your husband is doing 100 percent of all that, and you are walking through the door at 9 pm complaining he didn’t do enough.

Sorry, I don’t see a dad getting much sympathy if he were posting and not you.

Op: and I do everything else while he relaxes in the evening or during the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Sorry just frustrated.

He takes care of our toddler around 2.5 hours 3 days a week. I help out the other 2.

During the weekend, he gets kid free time 7am-2pm and then again after 730pm at night.

He does not want to split admin with me.

I’d rather do more of the fun direct childcare.

Isn’t that what your are doing 7-2pm on weekends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should see a therapist and psychiatrist. You sound very angry.

Extra points for misogynistic gaslighting.

I’m trying to imagine a dad complaining about walking through the door at 9 pm, having avoided all childcare duty as the baby is now asleep, and complaining that his wife, who works full time, didn’t finish all the dishes in addition to everything else she did that evening.

His childcare duties involve 2-2.5 hours per day total.

And presumably you had a child because you think it’s fun.

Op: yes we used to have a nanny 8-6 and now daycare 730-6 pm.

Yes, that’s what a lot of dual working spouses handle. They swap up daycare pickup, take turns bathing, feeding, playing, soothing, rocking and reading to the baby.

Your husband is doing 100 percent of all that, and you are walking through the door at 9 pm complaining he didn’t do enough.

Sorry, I don’t see a dad getting much sympathy if he were posting and not you.

Op: and I do everything else while he relaxes in the evening or during the weekend.

OP if he cooks he says he cannot do childcare because it’s too intense. I can watch the child and cook at the same time.

[Anonymous]

It’s a sad state of affairs that we expect a couple to work 105 combined hours per week and have time to raise a kid. Work is the bigger problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

Sorry just frustrated.

He takes care of our toddler around 2.5 hours 3 days a week. I help out the other 2.

During the weekend, he gets kid free time 7am-2pm and then again after 730pm at night.

He does not want to split admin with me.

I’d rather do more of the fun direct childcare.

Isn’t that what your are doing 7-2pm on weekends?

OP I want to do more. I like the baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're working too much. 60 hours a week as a regular schedule is simply too much for a mother with young child(ren.) Sorry, but that's reality.

Dial it back until your youngest is in kindergarten. Then you can refocus on this big career of yours.

OP: he’s not dialing back. He wants more responsibility and said he will work as many hours as he needs if given the opportunity. Why do I have to give up when he can do whatever he wants?

Seriously, this is your response? How old are you, 17?

Grow up, OP.

You're a mom now. Yes, it's a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a sad state of affairs that we expect a couple to work 105 combined hours per week and have time to raise a kid. Work is the bigger problem here.

OP exactly my point. The myth of the career woman is oversold. You can definitely either make it super big or have a good but not amazing career and have a good marriage.but a really good career usually works out if it’s the man.