How stressed is your senior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS applied SCEA to an Ivy and was rejected, also got deferred from Georgia Tech, but accepted in UMD Honors. He is devastated, very high stats student from magnet school, perfect SAT, AP's with 5's, high level ECA's

These stories make me crazy- I mean who does get in?! In some ways our process has been easier as an average student with mediocre grades, no APs and decent, but not great test scores (3.3 and 30 ACT)

He’s into 8/10 schools and waiting to hear from 2 more. He wanted big state flagship type schools so that’s where he applied.

I really do feel for these super achievers, all of whom I know will end up in great places but it’s hard getting rejections when you’ve worked so hard.

I posted something along these lines on another thread snd got some negative feedback, I’m not sure my point was understood. It’s such a crapshoot that the kids with amazing stats end up needing to seriously consider and maybe attend schools they could have gotten into with much more middling stats. These are generally perfectly good schools. This calls into question the whole achievement culture. Why take 12 APs if the benefit in the admissions process is so hard to gauge? I’m really just offering this as food for thought. I have a sophomore so I’m just learning, but the system seems really unfortunate and creates so much unnecessary stress.

You are 100% correct. Teens' mental health is suffering because they are pursuing schools based SO heavily on USNWR rankings.

Elite high schools fuel this (both the parents and the peers). Try your best to see this process as a search for schools that would serve your child well, in terms of education and fit. I recommend the Colleges that Change Lives traveling panel (though perhaps now their talk is virtual). It is NOT primarily a marketing scam (despite the rants of one crazy troll on here). My daughter and I attended when she was a junior and it contained SO much healthy advice (like don''t compare lists of schools with your friends, how not to make the search a stressful topic within the family, etc)

Take what you read on here with a grain of salt. Help your child come up with a list of schools that is balanced, in terms of selectivity. Share great things you hear about a wide range of schools. Don't make them believe that a B or average standardized test scores will set them up for a failed life. Really, help them out because the forces around here are NOT healthy.

[Anonymous]

Guess we should just be thankful to have gotten into UMD but not gonna lie, UVA and ED Vanderbilt rejection hurt. I get it you need a hook, but caption of 2 varsity sports, close to perfect grades 35 ACT and class President. It seemed like he lowered the bar to not apply to IVY but wow, kid is super depressed.

[Anonymous]

He is hiding it if it's there.

He is in at top state flagship (UT). Waiting on ED2 from top choice (top 50 school).

Three other RD apps out that are targets.

He will be really sad if he doesn't get into his top school but he also has excellent alternate option(s.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guess we should just be thankful to have gotten into UMD but not gonna lie, UVA and ED Vanderbilt rejection hurt. I get it you need a hook, but caption of 2 varsity sports, close to perfect grades 35 ACT and class President. It seemed like he lowered the bar to not apply to IVY but wow, kid is super depressed.

I get that. But what does he get at UVA or Vanderbilt he doesn’t get at Washington and Lee or Wake Forest, both of which are much more likely and have similar profiles. Are the outcomes really different? Do you need to live or die on 5-10 USNWR spots? I think WFU, UNC and UVA are almost neck and neck. The PP is right about setting kids up to believe there are only a few schools they can graduate from and be successful. And otherwise they will fail at life. That’s crazy pressure. Or do you need the validation that UVA brings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess we should just be thankful to have gotten into UMD but not gonna lie, UVA and ED Vanderbilt rejection hurt. I get it you need a hook, but caption of 2 varsity sports, close to perfect grades 35 ACT and class President. It seemed like he lowered the bar to not apply to IVY but wow, kid is super depressed.

I get that. But what does he get at UVA or Vanderbilt he doesn’t get at Washington and Lee or Wake Forest, both of which are much more likely and have similar profiles. Are the outcomes really different? Do you need to live or die on 5-10 USNWR spots? I think WFU, UNC and UVA are almost neck and neck. The PP is right about setting kids up to believe there are only a few schools they can graduate from and be successful. And otherwise they will fail at life. That’s crazy pressure. Or do you need the validation that UVA brings?

ITA. It's is a rat race to nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS applied SCEA to an Ivy and was rejected, also got deferred from Georgia Tech, but accepted in UMD Honors. He is devastated, very high stats student from magnet school, perfect SAT, AP's with 5's, high level ECA's

Sounds like mine. They are probably classmates. I posted earlier. High stats magnet, nmsf, 5s on aps, national awards, all state orchestra, professional theatre, sports captain, club pres. So disappointing that they weren't even deferred!
Mine is getting some good feedback from some rd schools, albeit 2 safeties, but another is a top tier LAC (based on arts supplement).Trying to get mine excited about the honors houses and safeties.

Hoping we all get better news in rd.

My DD from magnet school rejected from top 2 EA schools, accepted in Georgia tech, and UMD honors. Her EA school is her dream school and is now waiting on Ivy results. Very high stats, perfect SAT's , many AP"s with full scores, chorus singer performed in Carnegie Hall past 2 years, NMSF and now Presidential Scholar nominee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS applied SCEA to an Ivy and was rejected, also got deferred from Georgia Tech, but accepted in UMD Honors. He is devastated, very high stats student from magnet school, perfect SAT, AP's with 5's, high level ECA's

Sounds like mine. They are probably classmates. I posted earlier. High stats magnet, nmsf, 5s on aps, national awards, all state orchestra, professional theatre, sports captain, club pres. So disappointing that they weren't even deferred!
Mine is getting some good feedback from some rd schools, albeit 2 safeties, but another is a top tier LAC (based on arts supplement).Trying to get mine excited about the honors houses and safeties.

Hoping we all get better news in rd.

My DD from magnet school rejected from top 2 EA schools, accepted in Georgia tech, and UMD honors. Her EA school is her dream school and is now waiting on Ivy results. Very high stats, perfect SAT's , many AP"s with full scores, chorus singer performed in Carnegie Hall past 2 years, NMSF and now Presidential Scholar nominee.

I’m so sorry. That must hurt. Still, my money is on your kid. She could go anywhere and is gonna light the world on fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS applied SCEA to an Ivy and was rejected, also got deferred from Georgia Tech, but accepted in UMD Honors. He is devastated, very high stats student from magnet school, perfect SAT, AP's with 5's, high level ECA's

These stories make me crazy- I mean who does get in?! In some ways our process has been easier as an average student with mediocre grades, no APs and decent, but not great test scores (3.3 and 30 ACT)

He’s into 8/10 schools and waiting to hear from 2 more. He wanted big state flagship type schools so that’s where he applied.

I really do feel for these super achievers, all of whom I know will end up in great places but it’s hard getting rejections when you’ve worked so hard.

I posted something along these lines on another thread snd got some negative feedback, I’m not sure my point was understood. It’s such a crapshoot that the kids with amazing stats end up needing to seriously consider and maybe attend schools they could have gotten into with much more middling stats. These are generally perfectly good schools. This calls into question the whole achievement culture. Why take 12 APs if the benefit in the admissions process is so hard to gauge? I’m really just offering this as food for thought. I have a sophomore so I’m just learning, but the system seems really unfortunate and creates so much unnecessary stress.

You are 100% correct. Teens' mental health is suffering because they are pursuing schools based SO heavily on USNWR rankings.

Elite high schools fuel this (both the parents and the peers). Try your best to see this process as a search for schools that would serve your child well, in terms of education and fit. I recommend the Colleges that Change Lives traveling panel (though perhaps now their talk is virtual). It is NOT primarily a marketing scam (despite the rants of one crazy troll on here). My daughter and I attended when she was a junior and it contained SO much healthy advice (like don''t compare lists of schools with your friends, how not to make the search a stressful topic within the family, etc)

Take what you read on here with a grain of salt. Help your child come up with a list of schools that is balanced, in terms of selectivity. Share great things you hear about a wide range of schools. Don't make them believe that a B or average standardized test scores will set them up for a failed life. Really, help them out because the forces around here are NOT healthy.

Here's an interesting list of schools by median SAT percentile. Lots of safeties not so different from the elites.

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/page/3/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guess we should just be thankful to have gotten into UMD but not gonna lie, UVA and ED Vanderbilt rejection hurt. I get it you need a hook, but caption of 2 varsity sports, close to perfect grades 35 ACT and class President. It seemed like he lowered the bar to not apply to IVY but wow, kid is super depressed.

I get that. But what does he get at UVA or Vanderbilt he doesn’t get at Washington and Lee or Wake Forest, both of which are much more likely and have similar profiles. Are the outcomes really different? Do you need to live or die on 5-10 USNWR spots? I think WFU, UNC and UVA are almost neck and neck. The PP is right about setting kids up to believe there are only a few schools they can graduate from and be successful. And otherwise they will fail at life. That’s crazy pressure. Or do you need the validation that UVA brings?

It’s funny that you mention Wake Forest because that was kid’s top choice until we visited. I loved school but kid said it seemed too small and unfortunately I did not pick great area for hotel so that was also a downer. So he didn’t intentionally set on Top 20. Vanderbilt used his ED card that in retrospect school have been used elsewhere. He did really like UVa campus compared to UMD. I know it will all work out. It is just difficult to see kid disappointed after 4!years of always trying his hardest. That quality will serve him well in life and better moments are ahead.

[Anonymous]

As the lore of the classes of 2021 and 2022 spread, it is going to be increasingly difficult for kids to be motivated in high school for some brass ring of T20 college as a reward. Seeing all these high stats, strong EC kids "settling" for "lessor" schools is very hard.

[Anonymous]

DS has severe adhd/anxiety that kept him from reaching potential during Covid and even in the "aftermath". He also dropped out of sports and other activities during that time. There are kids who didn't thrive due to underlying mental health issues that got worse during isolation. I'm proud of the fact that he is still functioning and has gotten into some good schools. Rejected as legacy from UVA (where step sister, cousin, uncle, godmother, mother and many others in the family went), which really stung as he had set his sights on that one for years. Everyone seems to discuss their GPAs in high school. There's such an unhealthy focus on grades and top schools in this area; it's sad when 4.1 and 1490 on SATs means you're "not enough".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the lore of the classes of 2021 and 2022 spread, it is going to be increasingly difficult for kids to be motivated in high school for some brass ring of T20 college as a reward. Seeing all these high stats, strong EC kids "settling" for "lessor" schools is very hard.

Good. Maybe a reset in how we think about college is in order. Maybe we, are parents, need to stop pushing our kids to take 14 APs, get a 34/1500+/ participate in so many ECs and believe that aT20 college is the only answer. It’s a race to nowhere. My 2020 kid is now having to make decisions about summers and study await her an eye towards grad school. It never stops.

I had a 2020 kid at TJ and have a 2022 kid. And the pandemic has made me realize how batsh*t crazy academics and college admissions are in this area. It was such a relief in spring of 2020 to be forced to stop. And then restart at a slower pace. It made me realize how crazy our pace of life was and how exhausted we were. I’ve also seen my friends in other parts of the country have kids get into the same range of colleges as my kids with 1/2 the APs, 100 points less on the SATs and many fewer ECs.

The system is broken. A more sane system, like Canada or Europe would be healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS has severe adhd/anxiety that kept him from reaching potential during Covid and even in the "aftermath". He also dropped out of sports and other activities during that time. There are kids who didn't thrive due to underlying mental health issues that got worse during isolation. I'm proud of the fact that he is still functioning and has gotten into some good schools. Rejected as legacy from UVA (where step sister, cousin, uncle, godmother, mother and many others in the family went), which really stung as he had set his sights on that one for years. Everyone seems to discuss their GPAs in high school. There's such an unhealthy focus on grades and top schools in this area; it's sad when 4.1 and 1490 on SATs means you're "not enough".

I am sorry to hear that but unfortunately of all of those relatives, the only way he is actually a legacy is through his mother. You could have 50 extended family members wh attended but only parents count as legacies at UVA. That said, I could tell you of the granddaughter of a VERY famous legacy (household name famous) whose mother also attended and the kid got rejected. Unfortunately legacy status does ot matter much at UVA.

That said, your DC has done great through adverse situations and you should be proud. College admittances should not be validation of that... maybe how they do in the college they DO go to might be, but admittance? no. Best of luck to your DC, I'm sure they will land at a great place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the lore of the classes of 2021 and 2022 spread, it is going to be increasingly difficult for kids to be motivated in high school for some brass ring of T20 college as a reward. Seeing all these high stats, strong EC kids "settling" for "lessor" schools is very hard.

Good. Maybe a reset in how we think about college is in order. Maybe we, are parents, need to stop pushing our kids to take 14 APs, get a 34/1500+/ participate in so many ECs and believe that aT20 college is the only answer. It’s a race to nowhere. My 2020 kid is now having to make decisions about summers and study await her an eye towards grad school. It never stops.

I had a 2020 kid at TJ and have a 2022 kid. And the pandemic has made me realize how batsh*t crazy academics and college admissions are in this area. It was such a relief in spring of 2020 to be forced to stop. And then restart at a slower pace. It made me realize how crazy our pace of life was and how exhausted we were. I’ve also seen my friends in other parts of the country have kids get into the same range of colleges as my kids with 1/2 the APs, 100 points less on the SATs and many fewer ECs.

The system is broken. A more sane system, like Canada or Europe would be healthier.

For actual top kids, it isn't the parents pushing. There are some kids where they want the challenge and thrive with it.

[Anonymous]

2021 parent here. Many of your kids were deferred and mine was too. Please nudge them to write a LOCI email to their college admissions advisor and cc the Dean who sent the deferral email. Update any important changes, and keep focusing on grades because colleges are looking closely at 1st half transcripts.

DS was accepted early to two safeties. Deferred by others. Rejected ED. He was deflated by the EA deferral from his 2nd choice because they’re not known to yield protect. He emailed a short, upbeat letter of continued interest, plus a few extra accomplishments since applying. A few weeks later, he emailed advisor to let her know that one of their supplemental essay prompts was deleted before the EA app deadline. He had completed that essay the summer before and attached it to email. He explained why and said something like I know how busy you are, and you don’t have to read it, but I promise it’s really short. She quickly confirmed that she read it, the reason why the prompt was deleted (which was funny), and that she included it in the file for team review. He emailed his thanks. He was accepted. Who knows if any of it was the reason. After RD decisions came out, he was offered a spot in their scholars program. That was unexpected. Don’t let your kids give up. Show deferrals the love. Don’t assume deferral = rejection, or treat it as such. Good luck to your kids! It’s a grind. So glad it’s over!