I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Follow your gut and get a nanny. There are not many great ones though so you need to do your homework, and some luck too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had a really, really bad nanny experience with someone that came highly recommended in my [wealthy, UMC] mom's group and had impeccable references, I would stick with daycare where there are multiple caregivers, always more than one adult in the room, people around watching, and they are accountable to multiple people at all times.

Also, honestly, better your child gets all the little kid viruses when they are tiny than when they are school-aged and they are hit harder and out of school for several days. A little diaper rash never hurt anybody. Highly recommend Calmoseptine, btw.

What happened? I’m the PP above whose DH is against hiring a nanny. Want to see both sides. We are also wealthy/UMC

[Anonymous]

Nanny or reduce hours/take leave.

[Anonymous]

Nanny for sure. It’s expensive but worth it for the convenience and attention. If you can’t find a good nanny then take a break from working for a few years, and have your kids close together so you can go back soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had a really, really bad nanny experience with someone that came highly recommended in my [wealthy, UMC] mom's group and had impeccable references, I would stick with daycare where there are multiple caregivers, always more than one adult in the room, people around watching, and they are accountable to multiple people at all times.

Also, honestly, better your child gets all the little kid viruses when they are tiny than when they are school-aged and they are hit harder and out of school for several days. A little diaper rash never hurt anybody. Highly recommend Calmoseptine, btw.

I completely disagree as this was not our experience. I followed my gut and pulled my baby from daycare. We have a fantastic nanny who has become family. In fact, we made nanny the Godmother to our third child. Kids are thriving and so are our careers and marriage. But my experience as well as PP’s doesn’t matter.

OP, learn to listen to your new mom-gut. Nothing will serve you better! After a month, you know what is best for your baby and yourself.

I'm sorry, what? You, a complete stranger on the internet, DISAGREES that I had a terrible experience with a nanny that was borderline abusive? You had a great experience with your nanny so you DISAGREE with my experience???? Seriously, what the hell?

Are you always this dramatic? The PP disagreed with your “I would stick with” statement, as their childcare experience was different than yours. You’re an adult. Simmer down.

[Anonymous]

I’d never hire a nanny for a pre verbal infant. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d never hire a nanny for a pre verbal infant. No way.

I would not only not hire a nanny for a preverbal child but I also would not put a preverbal child in daycare. I do realize, however, that most parents today totally do not agree with this. Whatever risks there are they are willing to take them. I was not when my kids were that little. Whatever we had to give up in order to live on one income my husband and I were willing to do it. We have never regretted that. As I said, though, this is apparently a very unpopular attitude these days. It kind of shocks me.

I know there are people who absolutely cannot find a way to do this and both parents must work which obviously requires a caregiver. I'm not talking about them when I say it shocks me.

[Anonymous]

I’m amazed how many women here marry and have babies with men that can’t afford to allow their wives to stay at home with their babies. So sad that so many women have to go back to work and disguise it as being a feminist when in reality they know they wish they could stay home but they married a loser.

[Anonymous]

I love daycare but infant room daycare was stressful and expensive. If you can afford a nanny share I'd consider it. I didn't like having to send bottles (and solid food later) ... it's a small thing but was really annoying. Toddler class and up they provided food so it was a lot less packing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed how many women here marry and have babies with men that can’t afford to allow their wives to stay at home with their babies. So sad that so many women have to go back to work and disguise it as being a feminist when in reality they know they wish they could stay home but they married a loser.

I’m sure you’re a troll, but ever stop to think that many women WANT to work rather than have to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d never hire a nanny for a pre verbal infant. No way.

I would not only not hire a nanny for a preverbal child but I also would not put a preverbal child in daycare. I do realize, however, that most parents today totally do not agree with this. Whatever risks there are they are willing to take them. I was not when my kids were that little. Whatever we had to give up in order to live on one income my husband and I were willing to do it. We have never regretted that. As I said, though, this is apparently a very unpopular attitude these days. It kind of shocks me.

I know there are people who absolutely cannot find a way to do this and both parents must work which obviously requires a caregiver. I'm not talking about them when I say it shocks me.

And it shocks me when people can’t comprehend that women have the right to develop a career and work at a job they enjoy just like men do. Why shouldn’t women be able to have a child and continue to work? There is nothing inherently wrong with child care in whatever for it might be. A blanket statement that mothers need to leave their careers and stay home with children because it’s better for everyone is just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed how many women here marry and have babies with men that can’t afford to allow their wives to stay at home with their babies. So sad that so many women have to go back to work and disguise it as being a feminist when in reality they know they wish they could stay home but they married a loser.

I’m sure you’re a troll, but ever stop to think that many women WANT to work rather than have to work?

PP is being a troll but I do think even women who really wants to work often struggle with this just because maternity leave us so short in the US. I think if it was more standard to take 6 months to a year and then return to your job, a lot of women would choose that option. And even many men, especially if you could split the leave with your spouse.

It’s one thing to want to keep your career and return to work. It’s something else to hand a six week old infant, or even a 3 or 4 month old, over to someone else to care for. I couldn’t do it and wound up quitting to stay home for a while, and was very grateful to have that option. I do wish I could have just taken a longer leave and returned to my old job though.

[Anonymous]

You are right to hate it. I worked in daycares and with babies and toddlers. Things had improved since I first worked in two of those in the 1990s when I was a student.
I was told by the daughter of the daycare manager, who had the shift after me, to splash water on 12 months old faces to keep them awake long after lunch so they would sleep longer when her shift started. (that of course did not happen and I quit soon after).
I loved them, one and all, and did my best to provide the best care for the kids, even as a student. They were not deprived of affection from me every minute I was there. Sadly, for every person who is loving and does the best, there is a person who doesn't show up bcs their car broke down, the bus is too hard, or whatever. They say things like who cares if they eat or sleep, let them cry, etc.

I worked at Kindercare in the DMV (in 2011, for a short time), and things were much better, but we were overworked, had two of us to 12 toddlers, things were chaotic. All of the kids in my care could count to 10, sing the alphabet, I made them sensory tables, splash and sand activities, rocked them to sleep when they needed it, and adored every single one of them.
In Kindercare, all teachers cared, I will say that, and did our best. Regardless, turnover is exceptionally high; parents have insane expectations that teachers can talk to them for half an hour about their kids while watching the kids drop off and pick up. We simply did not have enough people, and the regulations do not require enough people to provide the best care you can.
On the other hand, for a few kids that had very broken homes and disinterested parents, and I say this honestly, being in daycare with teachers like me was the best thing that could happen to them at that time.

[Anonymous]

No one will care for your baby as well as its parents. If you both have no choice but to work, there are options. Figure out what you are most comfortable with and make that happen. As with all things in life, you get what you pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one will care for your baby as well as its parents. If you both have no choice but to work, there are options. Figure out what you are most comfortable with and make that happen. As with all things in life, you get what you pay for.

Disagree with first sentence. I'm a decent mom but the baby/toddler years are HARD, esp when I was brand new at it. My DD's grandma, nanny and a couple of her lead daycare teachers were ojectively better caregivers than me when I was stressed in the early days.