I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel guilty or bad for wanting to be home with your baby during infancy and possibly toddler years. It's normal, natural and nothing to feel bad about. Some people have to put their babies in daycare and some people choose to, but if you want to be home with your baby you can find a way.

My husband and I sacrificed in many ways so I could stay home with our two kids until they were in school. It was totally worth it and he agrees, in fact he was jealous it wasn't him home with the kids. He made a lot more money than I did, though.

People will tell you daycare is fine, the baby is fine, it's your anxiety, etc. but lots of others also know that being your baby's primary caregiver yourself is a highly rewarding and wonderful thing to do if you can pull it off financially. Lots of perks of two incomes including savings can wait a few years, this time with your baby cannot.

I never went back to work and never had a baby in day care ( yes I know I am lucky/privileged etc). But the best years of my life were when kids were little and being around them! And I did have PPD after one pregnancy. If you can manage it, take baby out of daycare and do this for yourself if not for baby. I don’t think you will be sorry. You can go back to work soon enough even if it is in five years!

[Anonymous]

Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

We had a nanny for my son and she ended up staying with us for 8 years. She was amazing! So loving and devoted 100% of her work day to him. He developed a very strong attachment to her and she was like part of our family. She eventually left for personal reasons related to her own family (we joke that we would've kept her until he went to college if we could have) but she is still close to my son years later and we are so thankful for her, she's almost like an aunt.

Way better than an institutional daycare, and so convenient. I vote nanny, for sure!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

Our former nanny never left! She used to see our kids every week and then when we moved an hour and a half away, we see her about once a month. My eight year old reads to her every night.

My best friend had a nanny who she used to have sleepovers with until she about 16. The sweetest thing is that they’ve always been in contact and the nanny, now in her 70’s, help my friend with her baby.

Nannies stop working with you but don’t always just leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

Our former nanny never left! She used to see our kids every week and then when we moved an hour and a half away, we see her about once a month. My eight year old reads to her every night.

My best friend had a nanny who she used to have sleepovers with until she about 16. The sweetest thing is that they’ve always been in contact and the nanny, now in her 70’s, help my friend with her baby.

Nannies stop working with you but don’t always just leave.

I would never use a nanny for an infant so you know where I am coming from, but I find the bolded outright creepy.

[Anonymous]

OP I can relate. The first daycare we put out DD in was… ok. But oddly enough my DH said he didn’t think she was happy there. We switched her and you know what? He was right. At the second place I would walk in and hear her laugh across several rooms.
So pay attention to how your child reacts.
FYI that was a great daycare- I had two there at the same time. They were happy and trained up.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's totally normal to miss your baby at daycare. My kid is a preschooler and I still miss him.

As for diaper rash a lot of it is age. My kid went to daycare but I know he developed a wicked diaper rash on a day I took the day off with him. Some poops are just acidic and rash up a kid in a hot second (especially if you're just starting some solids). The daycare actually recommended trying putting a little jock itch cream mixed in with thr diaper cream and it cleared him right up.

The dirty bottles thing is pretty standard too my daycare didn't wash bottles either.

Is there any way you can take an occasional morning or day off to do something with your baby just the two of you? I would flex off a morning and take my kid to story time at the library (pre COVID) or to the park. I enjoyed that a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

Our former nanny never left! She used to see our kids every week and then when we moved an hour and a half away, we see her about once a month. My eight year old reads to her every night.

My best friend had a nanny who she used to have sleepovers with until she about 16. The sweetest thing is that they’ve always been in contact and the nanny, now in her 70’s, help my friend with her baby.

Nannies stop working with you but don’t always just leave.

I would never use a nanny for an infant so you know where I am coming from, but I find the bolded outright creepy.

Really? NP here. Have you never had sleepovers with grandparents or family friends? I used to sleep over at my Godmothers house all the time! She is my dad’s oldest friend. I still adore her. I think a former nanny would be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

Our former nanny never left! She used to see our kids every week and then when we moved an hour and a half away, we see her about once a month. My eight year old reads to her every night.

My best friend had a nanny who she used to have sleepovers with until she about 16. The sweetest thing is that they’ve always been in contact and the nanny, now in her 70’s, help my friend with her baby.

Nannies stop working with you but don’t always just leave.

+1. MY brother and I saw our former nanny all the time after she left. When she died, my brother and I both spoke at her funeral. We loved her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you being treated for anxiety because if not, consider it. It sounds like daycare is going fine. Can your spouse do some of the getting ready/dropoffs/pickups?

Unless your savings are in excellent shape it sounds like you really can't afford a nanny.

If DCUM had a bingo card, someone accusing the OP of having anxiety would be the middle free spot.

This. Although I’d say it’s in second place to people with lazy, willfully incompetent husbands always being told their husbands MUST have ADHD or HFA.

OP, if it feels wrong and you’re miserable, don’t put yourself through years of this. Trust your intuition. If you can’t fund a nanny, look at a different center or an in home provider. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Follow your instincts OP, and don't let anyone tell you need therapy or medication for feeling what is completely normal for a parent to feel.

Those of you saying she has a mental health issue for wanting a nanny are seriously sick.

[Anonymous]

OP, trust your gut. I was never happy with our large, respected daycare and eventually called the county for an inspection. They were cited for a ton of serious violations and almost shut down. The management retaliated on parents for the inspection. We pulled our kid. I wish I had pulled her way earlier--it's just so hard to find care.

I concur with looking for a nannyshare or in home daycare. Find a situation where you are comfortable leaving your baby. You may still not like leaving her, but that is far different from real concern she's being neglected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that with a nanny you will have to say goodbye eventually. Maybe that will be on your terms and everything will be fine. Or maybe they will decide or take another path in life. It was very, very hard on my son to say goodbye to our nanny (not our choice, she moved). It was almost like his third parent moving away. Six months later and he is partially, but not fully over it.

Our former nanny never left! She used to see our kids every week and then when we moved an hour and a half away, we see her about once a month. My eight year old reads to her every night.

My best friend had a nanny who she used to have sleepovers with until she about 16. The sweetest thing is that they’ve always been in contact and the nanny, now in her 70’s, help my friend with her baby.

Nannies stop working with you but don’t always just leave.

I would never use a nanny for an infant so you know where I am coming from, but I find the bolded outright creepy.

I find you outright creepy for thinking this is creepy. Jesus, where does your mind go?

[Anonymous]

I stayed home with my kids until my youngest was 1 (I know, not feasible for everyone!) and now we have a nanny. We are 32 and not wealthy but I feel ok about saving less for a few more years and living on a modest budget for this. We will focus on saving more later. I vote nanny in your case.

[Anonymous]

for you peace of mind, i'd consider looking for a smaller hone based daycare.