I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

It’s been a month and I still hate handing her over every morning. I hate getting her bundled up, packed up, and out of the house. The daycare is fine I guess but I worry all day long. She’s such a good baby and I fear she’s getting ignored because of one higher needs baby in her room. I also hate getting the dirty breastmilk bottles back at the end of the day (minor issue but it just bugs me). She’s also had two colds in the last month and a diaper rash.

Should I stick with it or just admit I’m not a daycare parent? We could afford a nanny if we really scrimp and stop contributing to our savings. DH was insistent that we try daycare initially but is now open to a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Most likely, baby is just fine in daycare. But… If it’s really bothering you, get a nanny.

We did this - basically stopped saving other than maxing out 401k and tightened our belts for a few years while the kids were old enough to start preschool. Now we make twice as much and the nanny years are behind us so we have been able to build savings back up.

Would you consider a nanny share? That’s a lot more budget friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most likely, baby is just fine in daycare. But… If it’s really bothering you, get a nanny.

We did this - basically stopped saving other than maxing out 401k and tightened our belts for a few years while the kids were old enough to start preschool. Now we make twice as much and the nanny years are behind us so we have been able to build savings back up.

Would you consider a nanny share? That’s a lot more budget friendly.

I agree with this and I stayed with daycare. I think daycare is fine but if you can afford a nanny and are miserable worrying about your kid, get the nanny!

[Anonymous]

Are you being treated for anxiety because if not, consider it. It sounds like daycare is going fine. Can your spouse do some of the getting ready/dropoffs/pickups?

Unless your savings are in excellent shape it sounds like you really can't afford a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I hate to say it, but in the long term, your baby will be better off with daycare and parents who have more savings, instead of nanny and parents with less savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you being treated for anxiety because if not, consider it. It sounds like daycare is going fine. Can your spouse do some of the getting ready/dropoffs/pickups?

Unless your savings are in excellent shape it sounds like you really can't afford a nanny.

+1 coming back from MAternity leave and postpartum can be a hard time. I would suggest talking to a therapist about these worries and feelings. It's possible you will switch to a nanny and then other things will come up and you won't have dealt with the problem of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

The colds and diaper rash are not unusual for daycare.

[Anonymous]

I hated it too, OP. I don't know what the answer is and suspect it's different for everyone. I wound up leaving my job to stay home for a bit, which I know isn't feasible for everyone. In your situation I'd probably try to do the nanny, but I'd worry about how long it would go on -- once you hire a nanny you like, it is very, very hard to give her up. But I know that feeling of dropping off your baby every day and just thinking "I hate this, I hate this."

Are you in a place where people do nanny shares? We tried to get one of these set up and it never worked out for us, but we know people who have done it and it's worked well. I think it can also be a better option if you're only going to do it for 6 months or a year or something, because it's not as convenient as having your own nanny, so transitioning from that to daycare once your baby is a year or 18 months will probably be easier.

Good luck. I know how hard it is.

[Anonymous]

In your situation, I would get a nanny until she's 3. Then switch to preschool/daycare. You hate daycare, you have the money, your spouse is on board, and it will bring you great peace of mind. You can start saving in less than 3 years.

[Anonymous]

Is she at a center? Perhaps you would like home based care better? Can you find a nanny share?

[Anonymous]

How old is your baby? My answer might vary depending on this. If you didn’t have a long leave, nanny or nanny share might be a good answer until your child is a bit more independent and you can feel more confident leaving them? I have a two month old and I’d hate to be leaving him in daycare this young although I know that’s not an uncommon timeline in this godforsaken country.

[Anonymous]

Pp here... I hated daycare too, so I quit my job until DS was in 2nd grade.

[Anonymous]

I’d do a nanny if you can afford it. We do, and it’s been such a relief knowing that our baby is home and comfortable. Logistically, it’s so much easier too. Seconding the nanny share suggestion if you can make it work!

[Anonymous]

I used daycare but I much preferred in-home to a center for under two. More like dropping off at a relative and less institutional.

But if you hate the packing/etc., a nanny share can work great. It’s not that much more than an infant in a center.

[Anonymous]

Daycare is fine for the baby. Getting a nanny for your own anxiety and mental health is a decision that you only can make. You have to weigh the peace of mind to have things exactly the way you need it to get yourself comfortable with your situation and care vs the need for financial security.

The first step is to admit that this is for you and not for your baby. Your baby is fine. Now, you and your husband need to discuss what will make you happier and what will make you more comfortable. Having more individualized care for your child or having savings, retirement and more disposable income? Then you two make the best decision for your family.