I’m so unhappy with my baby in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Just chiming in to say we had a wonderful nanny and I still hated it every day. Only had 3 months of leave, and I was absolutely crushed to have someone else caring for my baby all day long. I ended up quitting after a few months and have zero regrets. I will be home with my kids until they are in elementary school and it’s worth the sacrifices we make elsewhere. I know this isn’t feasible for everyone but just another voice to the chorus of “a nanny might not fix the underlying problem” whatever that is for you.

[Anonymous]

Everything in me told me not to leave my baby in daycare. I tried, but the feeling of dread never went away. I don’t have anxiety or depression, I just knew that it didn’t feel right. We dramatically changed our lifestyle so that I could stay at home until the kids were school aged. I know that’s not possible for everyone and realize how fortunate we are. A nanny wouldn’t have been any better for me. I felt physical pain when I was away from my infant all day. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything in me told me not to leave my baby in daycare. I tried, but the feeling of dread never went away. I don’t have anxiety or depression, I just knew that it didn’t feel right. We dramatically changed our lifestyle so that I could stay at home until the kids were school aged. I know that’s not possible for everyone and realize how fortunate we are. A nanny wouldn’t have been any better for me. I felt physical pain when I was away from my infant all day. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid.

I posted above about how I wound up leaving my job because I hated being apart from my baby so much (I went back to work at 18 mo). This is how I felt. Everyone told me it was PPD, but they also told me going back to work would help with PPD. It wasn't PPD. I just wanted to be home with my baby for a while. It's only in this godforsaken country that this is seen as a personal failing instead of incredibly normal.

[Anonymous]

Get a good nanny. It makes all the difference in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it, but in the long term, your baby will be better off with daycare and parents who have more savings, instead of nanny and parents with less savings.

I couldn’t disagree more. Our savings were easily refunded and our kids so much better off. Get a good nanny, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in me told me not to leave my baby in daycare. I tried, but the feeling of dread never went away. I don’t have anxiety or depression, I just knew that it didn’t feel right. We dramatically changed our lifestyle so that I could stay at home until the kids were school aged. I know that’s not possible for everyone and realize how fortunate we are. A nanny wouldn’t have been any better for me. I felt physical pain when I was away from my infant all day. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid.

I posted above about how I wound up leaving my job because I hated being apart from my baby so much (I went back to work at 18 mo). This is how I felt. Everyone told me it was PPD, but they also told me going back to work would help with PPD. It wasn't PPD. I just wanted to be home with my baby for a while. It's only in this godforsaken country that this is seen as a personal failing instead of incredibly normal.

Yep I posted above too and feel this 100 percent. If we were able to take 12-18months of a mix of paid and unpaid (but job protected) leave in this country, I feel certain I would not have quit. I don’t regret it for a minute but it wasn’t anxiety or depression for me either. Everything immediately went away when I was home with my baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you being treated for anxiety because if not, consider it. It sounds like daycare is going fine. Can your spouse do some of the getting ready/dropoffs/pickups?

Unless your savings are in excellent shape it sounds like you really can't afford a nanny.

What a ridiculous comment! You truly think all parents who hate daycare have anxiety issues?! No, dear, we just don’t like group care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a good nanny. It makes all the difference in the world.

+1 If you can swing it, it's a great option. You don't have to lug baby around, they can be in the comfort of home receiving 1 on 1 care and baby won't be sick every other week.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the inhome suggestions. We toured a bunch of larger centers and put deposits down but I never truly felt comfortable with any of them. Then a spot came up in a nearby inhome and the second I met the owner I just knew it was the perfect place. My daughter gets loving care and gets exposure to kids of different ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you being treated for anxiety because if not, consider it. It sounds like daycare is going fine. Can your spouse do some of the getting ready/dropoffs/pickups?

Unless your savings are in excellent shape it sounds like you really can't afford a nanny.

If DCUM had a bingo card, someone accusing the OP of having anxiety would be the middle free spot.

[Anonymous]

Can you try nannyshare or in home? I do a nannyshare with a longtime colleague and it is perfect especially since we have the same work and travel schedule and the same days off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a good nanny. It makes all the difference in the world.

+1 If you can swing it, it's a great option. You don't have to lug baby around, they can be in the comfort of home receiving 1 on 1 care and baby won't be sick every other week.

+2. It was so much easier and better for all of us to have a nanny. There’s nothing daycare can do that a nanny can’t but lots of things a nanny can do that daycare can’t. I have no problem handing over my babies/toddler to our nanny and going to work happy.

[Anonymous]

Don't feel guilty or bad for wanting to be home with your baby during infancy and possibly toddler years. It's normal, natural and nothing to feel bad about. Some people have to put their babies in daycare and some people choose to, but if you want to be home with your baby you can find a way.

My husband and I sacrificed in many ways so I could stay home with our two kids until they were in school. It was totally worth it and he agrees, in fact he was jealous it wasn't him home with the kids. He made a lot more money than I did, though.

People will tell you daycare is fine, the baby is fine, it's your anxiety, etc. but lots of others also know that being your baby's primary caregiver yourself is a highly rewarding and wonderful thing to do if you can pull it off financially. Lots of perks of two incomes including savings can wait a few years, this time with your baby cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you being treated for anxiety because if not, consider it. It sounds like daycare is going fine. Can your spouse do some of the getting ready/dropoffs/pickups?

Unless your savings are in excellent shape it sounds like you really can't afford a nanny.

If DCUM had a bingo card, someone accusing the OP of having anxiety would be the middle free spot.

+1000. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

I’d see about giving it another month, but with spouse doing the drop-off and/or pick up. See if that is better.