Accepted ED but ex refuses to help pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Yep, pretty much this. There is NO way the dad should have completed the FAFSA if he had no intention of paying for college or only for instate. Yeah, maybe the mom was hopeful, but this is on the dad.

Why not. FAFSA is required fr merit aid in some cases. My dad refused to fill it out, and several schools pulled me out of their merit pools. Filling v out FAFSA is not an agreement to pay anything.

Everyone here should have discussed up from. But, certainly mom and kid needed to nail this down before they (?) signed the ED contract. DD did ED and online parent signed it. If hat was dad, he has some explaining to do. If it was mom, she can’t commit her *ex-husband* to pay $320,000 for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, $240,000 for a bachelor's degree is a huge waste of money. Kind of a moot point unless your ex is a millionaire.

Find a school with an actual return on investment.

This is a joke right? People on this forum easily spend 320,000 on each kids undergrad!

This is a pretty normal amount to spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Did her know DD was applying? Binding ED, so there could be no discussion later? Ad that moms plan was for him to pay and DD to take out loans and mom to not contribute much?

Seems like mom, who days her DD is “cordial,” but will “never forget” helped created a situation where her ex paid $80k a year or his kid would never forgive him. If sounds like he didn’t know she was applying ED and/or that he was expected to pick up the entire tab or he’d be the villain. Not everyone has that cash lying around. I’m beginning to see why she’s the ex-wife.

Before you commit to a college, everyone needs to agree how it will be paid for. That includes the guy actually writing te checks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

My husband asked his kids and ex lots of questions. They told him it was none of his business. They demand his financial information and he said no. He said he'd send it to the school directly pending he see a copy of the application and have a discussion about finances, how much mom was paying, how much they were paying out of summer jobs (they refused to work), how mom would handle child support (which technically terminated at 18 but she demanded afterward)....

[Anonymous]

Our child applied ED. Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted. You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract. If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things. Why do I say that? Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex. I know because I've worked with them. Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites. Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain. It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell. It's an Ivy. They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child applied ED. Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted. You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract. If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things. Why do I say that? Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex. I know because I've worked with them. Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites. Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain. It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell. It's an Ivy. They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.

At this point, child is an adult and Dad has a right to dictate the relationship when it comes to money. IF he sets limits, he is not a villain or controlling. I don't get the blame game with Dad when those things can easily go with mom. Mom can remarry and replace dad with her husband and still expect child support. She can refuse contact. She can demand things that are unreasonable and then say he's the problem. She can choose not to spend the child support on the kids. It goes both ways.

Bottomline is we don't know OP ex-husband's situation or what he can afford/what is reasonable. She is painting him out to be the bad guy when she may have not fully discussed this with him or given him all the information. He may not be able to afford it. Demanding Dad pay $80K a year is a lot of money depending on his income, situation and relationship with the child. As a married couple we'd have to tell our child no. We can fully pay for a state school and graduate school or $30K a year, possibly $40K. If the child demands going to a school we cannot afford, they will have to figure out how to pay for it above our contribution. Part of parenting is teaching your kids financial responsibility and about budgeting and money. You need to teach them to live within their means. Dad has to maintain his own household and probably is paying child support, health insurance and a lot of extras (all post taxes). He could also be paying alimony. We don't know his finaces. We just know what mom is demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child applied ED. Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted. You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract. If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things. Why do I say that? Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex. I know because I've worked with them. Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites. Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain. It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell. It's an Ivy. They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.

This is untrue. Only one parent has to sign the ED contract. Not both.


And apparently OP was the parent who signed DDs. Not that she will return and answer these questions.


https://appsupport.commonapp.org/applicantsupport/s/article/What-are-the-Early-Decision-requirements

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Yep, pretty much this. There is NO way the dad should have completed the FAFSA if he had no intention of paying for college or only for instate. Yeah, maybe the mom was hopeful, but this is on the dad.

Why not. FAFSA is required fr merit aid in some cases. My dad refused to fill it out, and several schools pulled me out of their merit pools. Filling v out FAFSA is not an agreement to pay anything.

Everyone here should have discussed up from. But, certainly mom and kid needed to nail this down before they (?) signed the ED contract. DD did ED and online parent signed it. If hat was dad, he has some explaining to do. If it was mom, she can’t commit her *ex-husband* to pay $320,000 for college.

I don't agree. DH should've then said, "I will complete the FAFSA for merit aid consideration, but I am not providing any financial assistance."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child applied ED. Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted. You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract. If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things. Why do I say that? Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex. I know because I've worked with them. Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites. Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain. It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell. It's an Ivy. They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.

1. Only one parent has to sign an ED agreement. Check again


2. Seems like you’re the one with biases. If mom signed the ED contract and just assumed Dad could be pressured into ponying the $$ to keep the relationship wit DD. She’s the villain.

Waiting for OP to come back and say dad signed, he’s going back on an agreement, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our child applied ED. Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted. You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract. If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things. Why do I say that? Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex. I know because I've worked with them. Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites. Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain. It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell. It's an Ivy. They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.

At this point, child is an adult and Dad has a right to dictate the relationship when it comes to money. IF he sets limits, he is not a villain or controlling. I don't get the blame game with Dad when those things can easily go with mom. Mom can remarry and replace dad with her husband and still expect child support. She can refuse contact. She can demand things that are unreasonable and then say he's the problem. She can choose not to spend the child support on the kids. It goes both ways.

Bottomline is we don't know OP ex-husband's situation or what he can afford/what is reasonable. She is painting him out to be the bad guy when she may have not fully discussed this with him or given him all the information. He may not be able to afford it. Demanding Dad pay $80K a year is a lot of money depending on his income, situation and relationship with the child. As a married couple we'd have to tell our child no. We can fully pay for a state school and graduate school or $30K a year, possibly $40K. If the child demands going to a school we cannot afford, they will have to figure out how to pay for it above our contribution. Part of parenting is teaching your kids financial responsibility and about budgeting and money. You need to teach them to live within their means. Dad has to maintain his own household and probably is paying child support, health insurance and a lot of extras (all post taxes). He could also be paying alimony. We don't know his finaces. We just know what mom is demanding.

I think the dad is well within rights to refuse the financial support BUT he should've said that when he completed the FAFSA form.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me, when DC was accepted to Columbia. XDH sat DC down and told them they’d have to attend a state school instead—and a few months later he bought younger DC a car.

We had enough college savings to completely cover the state school, but not for a private university. I pointed out to XDH that if he would contribute to a state school, he should contribute that much to a private university, and XDH couldn’t say no to that logic. He ended up contributing about $10k a year, and my mom and I, and college savings, contributed the rest.

PPs are right, your ex has no obligation to contribute. But, some college financial aid offices will look at your X’s assets, which puts your kid in a double bind.

It does matter if DC is your dependent, though, and you to get your Ex to agree to this if he’s not providing much financial support. By the time the divorce had gone through and I was supporting two kids in college as a single mom, Columbia came through with pretty generous financial aid. That may have had something to do with the fact that DC was a junior by then.

Oh boy, what whip lash.

I get why some people do not want to pay for private - that can be a prudent decision, especially for those in the "donut hole." What's unfortunate here is that the dad did not explain that he would not pay when he completed FAFSA. That's very, very wrong and something the DC will not easily forget.

Yep. DC is cordial to him but she won’t ever forget it.

She should be paying for it herself. How much is she contributing from her own savings from working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our child applied ED. Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted. You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract. If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things. Why do I say that? Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex. I know because I've worked with them. Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites. Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain. It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell. It's an Ivy. They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.

This is untrue. Only one parent has to sign the ED contract. Not both.


And apparently OP was the parent who signed DDs. Not that she will return and answer these questions.


https://appsupport.commonapp.org/applicantsupport/s/article/What-are-the-Early-Decision-requirements

Yep. I just signed an ED2 form and I was surprised that only on parent had to sign. I walked around the house reading the form and announced that I was doing it and made everyone agree that we were all on board, but I could see there being disagreements when another parent was unaware.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect, $240,000 for a bachelor's degree is a huge waste of money. Kind of a moot point unless your ex is a millionaire.

Find a school with an actual return on investment.

This is a joke right? People on this forum easily spend 320,000 on each kids undergrad!

And they are stupid to do it.

[Anonymous]

Parents are not obligated to pay for college
Kid is adult after 18