Reply to Accepted ED but ex refuses to help pay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our child applied ED.  Both parents have to sign the form which promises the child will go if they are admitted.  You also are fully aware that you are signing a binding contract.  If the Dad signed it and didn't read itr and didn't make sure she applied for aid, that's on him.

I will say that if Dad has a lot of money and power he may be used to using that to get out of things.  Why do I say that?  Because there are a lot of controlling, narcissistic men that use money to control their children and their ex.  I know because I've worked with them.  Many of them remarry and get the new wife to believe that the ex and the children are evil, horrible, money grubbing parasites.  Again, I say this because I have seen this play out in court.

The reason I am bringing this up and because of the number of prior posters who were so quick to paint a picture of the OP as a villain.  It's an old stereotype that is still effective because of the number of people that don't even consider whether they may have bias that they are unaware of.

To the OP, I am sorry you are dealing with this.  I would contact your child's college counselor and then consider contacting Cornell.  It's an Ivy.  They have money and your daughter is not the first student who has been put in this position.  [/quote]

At this point, child is an adult and Dad has a right to dictate the relationship when it comes to money.  IF he sets limits, he is not a villain or controlling.  I don't get the blame game with Dad when those things can easily go with mom.  Mom can remarry and replace dad with her husband and still expect child support.  She can refuse contact.  She can demand things that are unreasonable and then say he's the problem.  She can choose not to spend the child support on the kids.  It goes both ways.

Bottomline is we don't know OP ex-husband's situation or what he can afford/what is reasonable.  She is painting him out to be the bad guy when she may have not fully discussed this with him or given him all the information.  He may not be able to afford it.  Demanding Dad pay $80K a year is a lot of money depending on his income, situation and relationship with the child.  As a married couple we'd have to tell our child no.  We can fully pay for a state school and graduate school or $30K a year, possibly $40K.  If the child demands going to a school we cannot afford, they will have to figure out how to pay for it above our contribution.  Part of parenting is teaching your kids financial responsibility and about budgeting and money.  You need to teach them to live within their means.  Dad has to maintain his own household and probably is paying child support, health insurance and a lot of extras (all post taxes).  He could also be paying alimony.  We don't know his finaces.  We just know what mom is demanding.  [/quote]

I think the dad is well within rights to refuse the financial support BUT he should've said that when he completed the FAFSA form. [/quote]

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