Accepted ED but ex refuses to help pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are not obligated to pay for college
Kid is adult after 18

Parents are not obligated to pay for college. A good parent has a conversation with their kid, especially one who is on a college track and a very competitive one in this instance, about what they will/will not be paying for in re college. My parents, blue collar workers, told me when I was nine or ten, that they would not be paying for college. (As I got older, I realized what they really meant was "we can't afford to pay for college because we don't always have money to get through the end of the week.") I school shopped accordingly.

I don't think a kid who grew up in what sounds like UMC conditions and has one parent rolling in the dough made an unreasonable conjecture that there would be money for college IF the parent never had a conversation with the kid about it. Again, I don't think the dad is obligated to pay, but he is obligated to be a parent and he really failed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

Men want to be involved and consulted. In this case Mom made all the decisions and demands Dad pay for it. He is not under any obligation to pay and he may not be able to afford it. He makes slightly more than mom. He probably pays child support which would make it less for dad and more for mom. Mom cannot afford it. One could conclude neither can dad. Mom promised child an expensive education that neither parent can swing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD accepted ED to Cornell. My ex refuses to pay for DD college. What are my options besides her taking out loans?

This is the post. Mom is not willing to pay. Why should Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have negotiated he'd pay at least 50% in your custody agreement.

I find it really weird that you let her apply to schools you had no plan for paying for.

This is not required so if someone doesn’t want to agree to this, you have no leverage asking for it. Also, you have no idea if she settled or litigated her divorce case. A judge couldn’t order this unless the parties first agreed. (See first sentence that I wrote…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

Men want to be involved and consulted. In this case Mom made all the decisions and demands Dad pay for it. He is not under any obligation to pay and he may not be able to afford it. He makes slightly more than mom. He probably pays child support which would make it less for dad and more for mom. Mom cannot afford it. One could conclude neither can dad. Mom promised child an expensive education that neither parent can swing.

How do you know any of this? and finally, the dad SIGNED the FAFSA form. He also had a chance to ask questions and explain his plans. It's not a one way street. Did he think that his daughter was never going to become college age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are not obligated to pay for college
Kid is adult after 18

Parents are not obligated to pay for college. A good parent has a conversation with their kid, especially one who is on a college track and a very competitive one in this instance, about what they will/will not be paying for in re college. My parents, blue collar workers, told me when I was nine or ten, that they would not be paying for college. (As I got older, I realized what they really meant was "we can't afford to pay for college because we don't always have money to get through the end of the week.") I school shopped accordingly.

I don't think a kid who grew up in what sounds like UMC conditions and has one parent rolling in the dough made an unreasonable conjecture that there would be money for college IF the parent never had a conversation with the kid about it. Again, I don't think the dad is obligated to pay, but he is obligated to be a parent and he really failed here.

It sounds like Mom had daughter apply to schools they could not afford and expects Dad to pay for it regardless of if he has the money or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

Men want to be involved and consulted. In this case Mom made all the decisions and demands Dad pay for it. He is not under any obligation to pay and he may not be able to afford it. He makes slightly more than mom. He probably pays child support which would make it less for dad and more for mom. Mom cannot afford it. One could conclude neither can dad. Mom promised child an expensive education that neither parent can swing.

How do you know any of this? and finally, the dad SIGNED the FAFSA form. He also had a chance to ask questions and explain his plans. It's not a one way street. Did he think that his daughter was never going to become college age?

We don't know the entire situation. Signing the form and discussing it are two different things. He may have assumed daughter would get financial aid. When she didn't, mom got mad and expects Dad to pay. Why isn't mom paying for any of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

Men want to be involved and consulted. In this case Mom made all the decisions and demands Dad pay for it. He is not under any obligation to pay and he may not be able to afford it. He makes slightly more than mom. He probably pays child support which would make it less for dad and more for mom. Mom cannot afford it. One could conclude neither can dad. Mom promised child an expensive education that neither parent can swing.

How do you know any of this? and finally, the dad SIGNED the FAFSA form. He also had a chance to ask questions and explain his plans. It's not a one way street. Did he think that his daughter was never going to become college age?

We don't know the entire situation. Signing the form and discussing it are two different things. He may have assumed daughter would get financial aid. When she didn't, mom got mad and expects Dad to pay. Why isn't mom paying for any of it?

No it is not "two different things." When the dad signed the form, if not earlier, he should have a conversation with his HS senior, who is clearly a strong student, about what, if any, obligations he felt had for her college. Even if the dad assumed that the daughter would get financial aid, he should have still had a conversation.

How is it so hard to understand how to be a good parent?

[Anonymous]

Did the OP ever return? Her original post had very few details and some of the comments here seem to be attributing info that may not have come from the OP (like whether the dad completed the FAFSA or made any commitment to pay.)

The OP may be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD accepted ED to Cornell. My ex refuses to pay for DD college. What are my options besides her taking out loans?

why don't you pay? what is the issue here?

[Anonymous]

PP here with the DC who went to Columbia. XDH went on the college tour with us (we separated a few months after) and gave not a peep as we toured Vassar, Brown, and other private universities. Maybe he assumed DC wouldn’t get in. But she assumed his presence on the tours meant his implicit support.

Don’t know what OP’s situation is. But if her Ex had any contact at all with their daughter during her senior year, this subject would have come up. Of course he knew where she was applying. He was just to chicken to speak up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's me, but feels like there are one or more men's right activists in this thread with all the references to men being bamboozled, etc. When they became dads did they just think it was going to be all shits and giggles?

Men want to be involved and consulted. In this case Mom made all the decisions and demands Dad pay for it. He is not under any obligation to pay and he may not be able to afford it. He makes slightly more than mom. He probably pays child support which would make it less for dad and more for mom. Mom cannot afford it. One could conclude neither can dad. Mom promised child an expensive education that neither parent can swing.

How do you know any of this? and finally, the dad SIGNED the FAFSA form. He also had a chance to ask questions and explain his plans. It's not a one way street. Did he think that his daughter was never going to become college age?

We don't know the entire situation. Signing the form and discussing it are two different things. He may have assumed daughter would get financial aid. When she didn't, mom got mad and expects Dad to pay. Why isn't mom paying for any of it?

No it is not "two different things." When the dad signed the form, if not earlier, he should have a conversation with his HS senior, who is clearly a strong student, about what, if any, obligations he felt had for her college. Even if the dad assumed that the daughter would get financial aid, he should have still had a conversation.

How is it so hard to understand how to be a good parent?

Signing a form does not agree to full pay. It sound like daughter did not get financial aid and mom expects dad to pay all of it regardless of his ability to pay.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't you need 200k+ in loans? Can you pull cash from 401k? I never paid off my student loans after 20 years of interest payments. I finally gave up and used my home equity. A Cornell degree would be nice without massive debt. But no degree is worth your daughter carrying massive debt. No way. It's giving her a life of indentured servitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD accepted ED to Cornell. My ex refuses to pay for DD college. What are my options besides her taking out loans?

why don't you pay? what is the issue here?

Perhaps mom can’t afford it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD accepted ED to Cornell. My ex refuses to pay for DD college. What are my options besides her taking out loans?

why don't you pay? what is the issue here?

Perhaps mom can’t afford it alone.

Perhaps dad cannot with. But how much is mom contributing?