Accepted ED but ex refuses to help pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD accepted ED to Cornell. My ex refuses to pay for DD college. What are my options besides her taking out loans?

Go back to family court and reopen your divorce settlement to address this issue. In the meantime, take the loans.

Depends entirely upon the state you live in. Some states do NOT require the spouse to pay for College (D.C. is one of them), so even going back to reopen the divorce settlement won't happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP- Please tell us whether he agreed to pay any portion of the college costs in your divorce agreement. If you're in DC, he's required to continue providing child support until she's 21 unless your agreement specified otherwise. In our case, dad has specific amounts he's supposed to put in an account for child's college, plus an amount toward the total bill.

But not college! DC sees college as a luxury purchase and will not reopen a divorce settlement to force a parent to contribute. Other states will consider it. D.C. will not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People need to stop giving blanket advice without knowing more details.

Is there $200K already set aside for her in an account somewhere, and the mom can cash flow part of the remaining $120K but needs the other half ($60K) to come from dad? (I'm assuming Cornell is $80K/year.)

If so, kid can borrow almost $30K of dad's share in federal loans that won't be debilitating. Then they're only short another $30K. You don't turn down Cornell because of a $30K shortfall. She could save that money by taking off one semester and attending a cheap local school and pack in a ton of transferrable credits that semester (I did this at a comparable college with my language requirement), then come back the following year and finish up.


Anyway my point is that we have no way of knowing how much money she is short or all the other possibilities for filling the gap.

No, she can't if the family's EFC is 100% or close to 100%. If dad makes a good salary then the EFC most likely is 100% in which case the only federal loan she can get is the unsubsidized one at $5,500. She also can't walk into a bank and get standard loans because she's too young, no credit history and no collateral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD accepted ED to Cornell. My ex refuses to pay for DD college. What are my options besides her taking out loans?

Why don’t you pay, then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me, when DC was accepted to Columbia. XDH sat DC down and told them they’d have to attend a state school instead—and a few months later he bought younger DC a car.

We had enough college savings to completely cover the state school, but not for a private university. I pointed out to XDH that if he would contribute to a state school, he should contribute that much to a private university, and XDH couldn’t say no to that logic. He ended up contributing about $10k a year, and my mom and I, and college savings, contributed the rest.

PPs are right, your ex has no obligation to contribute. But, some college financial aid offices will look at your X’s assets, which puts your kid in a double bind.

It does matter if DC is your dependent, though, and you to get your Ex to agree to this if he’s not providing much financial support. By the time the divorce had gone through and I was supporting two kids in college as a single mom, Columbia came through with pretty generous financial aid. That may have had something to do with the fact that DC was a junior by then.

Oh boy, what whip lash.

I get why some people do not want to pay for private - that can be a prudent decision, especially for those in the "donut hole." What's unfortunate here is that the dad did not explain that he would not pay when he completed FAFSA. That's very, very wrong and something the DC will not easily forget.

Yep. DC is cordial to him but she won’t ever forget it.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard this story several times now, if you’re divorced, I’d make up an agreement in writing before your kid applies to college. Even state schools are expensive nowadays. Your kid deserves to know what they can afford before applying. Don’t leave it to the whim of a deadbeat father.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your kid -- a Cornell acceptance is outstanding. What a blow. I really hope it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Yep, pretty much this. There is NO way the dad should have completed the FAFSA if he had no intention of paying for college or only for instate. Yeah, maybe the mom was hopeful, but this is on the dad.

[Anonymous]

What is the back story? Does he have a relationship with the child? Did child get into a state school that is more reasonable? Can he afford to pay for college? How much are you contributing? Is he continuing to pay child support after 18? What was the agreement in the divorce decree? Was he included in the application process and did you discuss finances before you applied?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Did he just fill out generic forms or was this actually discussed with him? Did he agree to a specific amount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Filling out the FAFSA and CSS is not the same as saying the sky is the limit when it comes to pay for college. Most colleges, you can apply and look at options late. But before applying ED, OP and her d had to make sure dad was on board.

It’s strange OP hasn’t come back and said what the agreement is, or even what she wants. In fact, all she’s said is dad earns a lot more. Also as of she expects dad to pay most or all of the most. Which makes me wonder if OP called Dad and said. So, DD got into Cornell. It’s 80k a year. Is installment of 40k Wil e due in May, the. Sever six months.

OP points out Dad earns more, and asks if DD will have to take out loads. I wonder how much op sees herself contributing? Hard to believe this wasn’t a discussion before the application. OP really screwed her kid, because even if her kid can get out of the ED contract, it’s not like she be allowed to apply to a bunch of private colleges and compare awards now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People need to stop giving blanket advice without knowing more details.

Is there $200K already set aside for her in an account somewhere, and the mom can cash flow part of the remaining $120K but needs the other half ($60K) to come from dad? (I'm assuming Cornell is $80K/year.)

If so, kid can borrow almost $30K of dad's share in federal loans that won't be debilitating. Then they're only short another $30K. You don't turn down Cornell because of a $30K shortfall. She could save that money by taking off one semester and attending a cheap local school and pack in a ton of transferrable credits that semester (I did this at a comparable college with my language requirement), then come back the following year and finish up.


Anyway my point is that we have no way of knowing how much money she is short or all the other possibilities for filling the gap.

No, she can't if the family's EFC is 100% or close to 100%. If dad makes a good salary then the EFC most likely is 100% in which case the only federal loan she can get is the unsubsidized one at $5,500. She also can't walk into a bank and get standard loans because she's too young, no credit history and no collateral.

If its important to mom, she can take a regular loan for her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to come back and answer the question of what he agreed to before the application went in. The fact she won’t makes me suspect that mom was hoping if Dad got in, he could be pressured into paying. And that makes me a lot less sympathetic to mom. Feel bad for DD that he mom wasn’t above board though.

She did say they both filled out the forms, so he went in eyes wide open. Why didn't he, the child's father, ask some questions or set some ground rules? Why is it on the mother to ask "you're not going to be a complete d*ck about this later given that you know where DD is applying right?"

Filling out the FAFSA and CSS is not the same as saying the sky is the limit when it comes to pay for college. Most colleges, you can apply and look at options late. But before applying ED, OP and her d had to make sure dad was on board.

It’s strange OP hasn’t come back and said what the agreement is, or even what she wants. In fact, all she’s said is dad earns a lot more. Also as of she expects dad to pay most or all of the most. Which makes me wonder if OP called Dad and said. So, DD got into Cornell. It’s 80k a year. Is installment of 40k Wil e due in May, the. Sever six months.

OP points out Dad earns more, and asks if DD will have to take out loads. I wonder how much op sees herself contributing? Hard to believe this wasn’t a discussion before the application. OP really screwed her kid, because even if her kid can get out of the ED contract, it’s not like she be allowed to apply to a bunch of private colleges and compare awards now.

If he earns a bit more but is still paying child support for this child or kids at home, that could be an issue too.