Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all want different things in life. describe your spouse. Comment if you’d be “in” or “out” for the other spouses described here.

Mine:
Works hard, but can’t delegate, isn’t a high earner (<100k at 50)
Poor boundaries
Enjoys the good things in life (music, art, culture) - good taste
Great sense of humor, dedicated friend - is there when it counts. Makes time for those who count.
Affectionate, loves to give and receive attention
(High sex drive. great at oral sex)
But needs a lot of attention
Moody and erratic
Pedantic, micromanaging, anxious about household cleaning - gets angry if you don’t do things the “right way”
Time blindness - always late, no ability to long term plan
Mean when angry - speaks in cutting tone, will insult you personally
Can’t save money. Living paycheck to paycheck. Finances all on you.

I was in until I reached these lines. Out. Unless it only happens once every 10 years, can’t live with meanness.

Does it make a difference if there is always a genuine apology and resolution after each argument? Conflicts don’t drag on. No in your face screaming like other poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

Interesting, so there are lots of men out there who are fine with little to no sex or you would just cheat and deal with it that way?

Sorry I should had added that I'm a (straight) woman, just playing along with the game. I probably have a lower libido than an average man so the low libido didn't stand out to me. I wouldn't want to be in a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High earner - $350k
Strong leader, well liked professionally and seen as high potential
Very smart, degrees from Princeton and Wharton
Tall (6’2), still has all his hair at 40
Handy, fixes things around the house + for family and friends
Enjoys the good things in life, but can overindulge a little
Outdoorsy and active, former athlete, ok shape (34” waist)
Good cook, but often too busy to cook
Great, involved dad who equally splits the invisible work
Coaches both our son and daughter’s lacrosse teams
Worldly and cultured, speaks a foreign language, and loves to travel internationally
Enjoys Broadway
Travels 20% of the time for work, pre-Covid
Affectionate, high drive, very giving in the bedroom
But needs a lot of attention
Can be a lazy dresser. Lots of old college tee shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes
Often late, somewhat ADHD
Messy. Helps around the house but also constantly leaves stuff sitting out.
Runs household finances and saves well
Highly confident based on life success, generally convinced he is right on everything
Loyal and caring, friends would describe him as super nice

You basically have it all

Agreed the one above seems pretty great. I wonder if she left out some of the bad things?

Travels 20% of the time — that’s a lot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High earner - $350k
Strong leader, well liked professionally and seen as high potential
Very smart, degrees from Princeton and Wharton
Tall (6’2), still has all his hair at 40
Handy, fixes things around the house + for family and friends
Enjoys the good things in life, but can overindulge a little
Outdoorsy and active, former athlete, ok shape (34” waist)
Good cook, but often too busy to cook
Great, involved dad who equally splits the invisible work
Coaches both our son and daughter’s lacrosse teams
Worldly and cultured, speaks a foreign language, and loves to travel internationally
Enjoys Broadway
Travels 20% of the time for work, pre-Covid
Affectionate, high drive, very giving in the bedroom
But needs a lot of attention
Can be a lazy dresser. Lots of old college tee shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes
Often late, somewhat ADHD
Messy. Helps around the house but also constantly leaves stuff sitting out.
Runs household finances and saves well
Highly confident based on life success, generally convinced he is right on everything
Loyal and caring, friends would describe him as super nice

You basically have it all

+1 this is the man I’d be going after if I was single! Guard him PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Great in bed - loves to please
In good shape
Good at cooking meats / grilling
Helps around the house (50-50)
Somewhat high earner (200k salary)
Terrible at personal finances and investments
Short term planner
Always late
May have ADHD
Somewhat paranoid
Mommy’s boy - truly enmeshed but works at it to the best of his ability

You do realize that $200K per year puts your DH in the top 5% of income earners. I'd say that makes him a good earner. Are you a good earner PP?

Now to my wife:

Mean
Self-centered
Verbally abusive
Materialistic
Bitter
Envious
Bad mother
Bad wife
Unfaithful
Fit
Good looking
Well dressed
Toxic


I'm filing for divorce.

Yes, I make about the same with my GS job and my Airbnb income. I agree with top 5% (we both are), but I'm going by DCUM standards and as you can see, most people here describe that as medium.

[Anonymous]

Also, sorry about your divorce, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

[Anonymous]

My dh:

Masters, has his dream job, 130k
Wonderful dad, attends everything with me including pediatricians, loves to get down and play with kids
6'2, 162 lbs, very lean and muscular, runs or bikes daily
Easy going and is very happy in his life. Works nonstop at home and at work. He gets more done in a day than most get done in a week.
Terrible cook, but loves to cook daily. Basically force feeds us vegetables.
No fashion sense, but looks great because I've bought all of his clothes for the last 15 years. He won't shop or buy anything ever, but does like to look sharp, especially for meetings.
He's at least 9/10 looks, maybe 10/10. Women stop him in grocery stores to talk. (I barely notice his looks anymore, but I recognize that he's really, really hot). His looks are the first thing my friends talk about when they meet him.
Super disorganized, constantly late. I have to set up all organization, all calendars, have to monitor and babysit so he doesn't forget things. I'm hyper organized because I have to pick up his slack.
No libido

Love my dh and wouldn't trade him in for anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all want different things in life. describe your spouse. Comment if you’d be “in” or “out” for the other spouses described here.

Mine:
Works hard, but can’t delegate, isn’t a high earner (<100k at 50)
Poor boundaries
Enjoys the good things in life (music, art, culture) - good taste
Great sense of humor, dedicated friend - is there when it counts. Makes time for those who count.
Affectionate, loves to give and receive attention
(High sex drive. great at oral sex)
But needs a lot of attention
Moody and erratic
Pedantic, micromanaging, anxious about household cleaning - gets angry if you don’t do things the “right way”
Time blindness - always late, no ability to long term plan
Mean when angry - speaks in cutting tone, will insult you personally
Can’t save money. Living paycheck to paycheck. Finances all on you.

I was in until I reached these lines. Out. Unless it only happens once every 10 years, can’t live with meanness.

Does it make a difference if there is always a genuine apology and resolution after each argument? Conflicts don’t drag on. No in your face screaming like other poster

Maybe it's not a total dealbreaker like the screaming in your face, but I'd be concerned if that behavior didn't improve over time. If he is genuinely apologizing then he must be aware that his behavior is wrong - so why does he keep doing it? Ultimately I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone who is mean or insulting when angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Whoa. Didn’t see those last two lines coming.

Tough one. I'd keep him, the devil you know. But that does suck

I don't think I could get over those two things, especially the last one. A one time mistake sexual encounter? Maybe. An ongoing potentially career-ending affair? That's more than just a lapse in judgement, it's a total disregard for our family and the life we built together. Pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

Interesting, so there are lots of men out there who are fine with little to no sex or you would just cheat and deal with it that way?

Sorry I should had added that I'm a (straight) woman, just playing along with the game. I probably have a lower libido than an average man so the low libido didn't stand out to me. I wouldn't want to be in a sexless marriage.

Got it.

I think most men would prefer to be married to an unorganized slob with a high libido than this guy's wife, but if you are low libido she sounds great

[Anonymous]

Fun
Funny
Really hard worker
Ambitious
Might work too hard
Short (but still has 6 inches on me)
Fit
Always wants to do the right thing
Gets defensive in arguments
Can’t stand when I’m not happy so tries to change me (so a little controlling in that way)
Earns a lot
Supports me in whatever I want to do (which right now is being a SAHM)
Kind
People pleaser (sometimes I feel like he values being kind to somebody over my. feelings; like if I disagree with a friend of his, he will take his friend’s side in public even if I know he disagrees )
Really smart
Great dad
Low tolerance for mess/clutter
A little critical but not as critical as he is of himself (he just sees this as having high standards for himself; he has done a lot of work to be less critical and more empathetic)
Really authentic
Good in social situations even though is an introvert
Wants to spend time with me
Really close to his family of origin (he’s nice to his mom)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

Interesting, so there are lots of men out there who are fine with little to no sex or you would just cheat and deal with it that way?

Sorry I should had added that I'm a (straight) woman, just playing along with the game. I probably have a lower libido than an average man so the low libido didn't stand out to me. I wouldn't want to be in a sexless marriage.

Got it.

I think most men would prefer to be married to an unorganized slob with a high libido than this guy's wife, but if you are low libido she sounds great

As an unorganized slob with a high libido, I really want to believe this is true, but I am not sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

Oh boy!! He sounded ideal until the end and that’s a doozie - such a dichotomy. People are so complicated.