Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

My husband:

Pros
- High earning potential but currently a GS-15
- Intelligent, educated, well regarded in his field
- Good work ethic, rarely wastes any time
- 1000+ hobbies, skilled musician, athlete, programmer, woodworker
- Amazing father, unbelievably devoted to our kids
- Conventionally attractive, in good shape
- Cooks (but mostly very basic things)
- Invested in the community, volunteers, helps out elderly neighbors, generally just a good person
- Voracious reader
- Reliable, supportive, loving
- Very family oriented
- High libido, generous in bed

Cons
- Does chores when asked but takes little initiative to do them on his own
- Messy, not especially bothered by clutter around the house
- Bad at giving gifts (except to his kids)
- Avoids difficult conversations, not good at discussing emotions
- Needs 8+ hours of quality sleep each night or else he's a mess
- Over schedules everything (e.g. commits to 4 different activities on Saturday and is surprised when our young kids are burned out; if I don't block off my events weeks in advance he has usually already scheduled something)
- Weaponized incompetence in certain areas (mostly chores), i.e. pretends he doesn't know how to properly make a bed or load a dishwasher
- Obnoxious when drunk. Not abusive or dangerous but just...annoying. Drinking is mostly under control but he does get too drunk ~1 a year. Otherwise he has 2-3 beers regularly on weekends or in social situations, I typically have to remind him not to overdo it.
- Bad taste in movies
- Not interested in finances (I manage everything), but naturally pretty frugal
- Not especially romantic, sort of de-prioritized our relationship after we had kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all want different things in life. describe your spouse. Comment if you’d be “in” or “out” for the other spouses described here.

Mine:
Works hard, but can’t delegate, isn’t a high earner (<100k at 50)
Poor boundaries
Enjoys the good things in life (music, art, culture) - good taste
Great sense of humor, dedicated friend - is there when it counts. Makes time for those who count.
Affectionate, loves to give and receive attention
(High sex drive. great at oral sex)
But needs a lot of attention
Moody and erratic
Pedantic, micromanaging, anxious about household cleaning - gets angry if you don’t do things the “right way”
Time blindness - always late, no ability to long term plan
Mean when angry - speaks in cutting tone, will insult you personally
Can’t save money. Living paycheck to paycheck. Finances all on you.

Out, because of the two bolded items.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

In. I’m low drive also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very Pretty
Very good body
Dedicated Mother to the point where she can not say no and does everything for kids. Kids are becoming miserable to be around, example walking into places with no masks on or masks below the chin. We live in an area with mask mandate, mom thinks its funny. Kids on phone all the time, don't do homework, disrespectful to teachers, see sees this as showing strength and independence.
Wakes up complaining, goes to bed complaining.
Sex life is non existent.
Works from home, goes to gym, nails, shopping and such during the day so that when the kids come home she can complain about how she is always "stuck" at her desk working.
Maxes out every credit card available, spends all the money in any accounts she has access to.
Good cook.
Keeps the house clean, basically a maid to the kids. I cook and clean up also, but I am not a maid to the kids, I make them clean up rooms, bring laundry down and such. We also have housekeepers come 1 x a week to do a deep clean.
Only shows interest in me when discussing money and planning things like purchases or vacations.

Out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like this thread, OP. Eye-opening.

I love this thread and can't wait to play!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good looking and fit enough
High earner $500-$600k with a schedule that can be unpredictable and involved working some holidays and weekends but works mostly 7am-4pm weekdays
Intelligent, educated, cultured, worldly, keeps up with currents events and prefers classical music
Speaks several languages
Loves dogs
Cooks well but seldom does it and spends a lot of money on restaurants
Favorite things to spend on are restaurants, 5-star hotels and alcohol.
Skilled in bed, gorgeous privates, enjoys giving oral
Spends time engaged with DCs in activities they enjoy
Never tires of listening to himself talk and at times will not stop talking
Disrespectful, insulting to people deemed inferior which is often me
Commanding and controlling, demands behaviors and angry and insulting when not done or done “correctly”
Refuses to buy a house or save for college
Drinks up to ten drinks a day on weekends and several every evening
Won’t spend time with my family or friends, only his.

Out. It’s the last line for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High earner - $350k
Strong leader, well liked professionally and seen as high potential
Very smart, degrees from Princeton and Wharton
Tall (6’2), still has all his hair at 40
Handy, fixes things around the house + for family and friends
Enjoys the good things in life, but can overindulge a little
Outdoorsy and active, former athlete, ok shape (34” waist)
Good cook, but often too busy to cook
Great, involved dad who equally splits the invisible work
Coaches both our son and daughter’s lacrosse teams
Worldly and cultured, speaks a foreign language, and loves to travel internationally
Enjoys Broadway
Travels 20% of the time for work, pre-Covid
Affectionate, high drive, very giving in the bedroom
But needs a lot of attention
Can be a lazy dresser. Lots of old college tee shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes
Often late, somewhat ADHD
Messy. Helps around the house but also constantly leaves stuff sitting out.
Runs household finances and saves well
Highly confident based on life success, generally convinced he is right on everything
Loyal and caring, friends would describe him as super nice

You basically have it all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We all want different things in life. describe your spouse. Comment if you’d be “in” or “out” for the other spouses described here.

Mine:
Works hard, but can’t delegate, isn’t a high earner (<100k at 50)
Poor boundaries
Enjoys the good things in life (music, art, culture) - good taste
Great sense of humor, dedicated friend - is there when it counts. Makes time for those who count.
Affectionate, loves to give and receive attention
(High sex drive. great at oral sex)
But needs a lot of attention
Moody and erratic
Pedantic, micromanaging, anxious about household cleaning - gets angry if you don’t do things the “right way”
Time blindness - always late, no ability to long term plan
Mean when angry - speaks in cutting tone, will insult you personally
Can’t save money. Living paycheck to paycheck. Finances all on you.

I was in until I reached these lines. Out. Unless it only happens once every 10 years, can’t live with meanness.

+1, my thoughts exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High earner - $350k
Strong leader, well liked professionally and seen as high potential
Very smart, degrees from Princeton and Wharton
Tall (6’2), still has all his hair at 40
Handy, fixes things around the house + for family and friends
Enjoys the good things in life, but can overindulge a little
Outdoorsy and active, former athlete, ok shape (34” waist)
Good cook, but often too busy to cook
Great, involved dad who equally splits the invisible work
Coaches both our son and daughter’s lacrosse teams
Worldly and cultured, speaks a foreign language, and loves to travel internationally
Enjoys Broadway
Travels 20% of the time for work, pre-Covid
Affectionate, high drive, very giving in the bedroom
But needs a lot of attention
Can be a lazy dresser. Lots of old college tee shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes
Often late, somewhat ADHD
Messy. Helps around the house but also constantly leaves stuff sitting out.
Runs household finances and saves well
Highly confident based on life success, generally convinced he is right on everything
Loyal and caring, friends would describe him as super nice

You basically have it all

Agreed the one above seems pretty great. I wonder if she left out some of the bad things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loving, generous (in bed and out) and generally easy to get along with but has the kind of temper where he loses control when he’s in it - will scream in my face or kids’, but doesn’t happen often and will apologize
Excellent father who works to have close relationships with all kids
Works a lot, definitely much more than 9-5, but has flexibility so will attend kid games, etc.
Does more than his share around house despite fact that I am SAHM and he is happy to hire people to help
Does not cook but appreciates that I do
No interest in handling finances except on macro level
Not too tall (5’9”) but fit, attractive, exercises most days
Smart, well-educated, high EQ, well-regarded professionally
One of those people literally everyone likes, loyal friend
Fun and funny in an endearing way
Likes to do things together
Can tend to get dragged down emotionally in difficult situations so I have to support him and not just focus on primary issue (for example, one of the kids)
Very nice to my family, good friends with my siblings
Very high earner - $2m+
Great at giving gifts 🙂

Where do you live? I'm coming to get your man. Dang -- I'd have to die first. Mmmm...let me start my good ole gas oven because this dude is worth it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband:

Pros
- High earning potential but currently a GS-15
- Intelligent, educated, well regarded in his field
- Good work ethic, rarely wastes any time
- 1000+ hobbies, skilled musician, athlete, programmer, woodworker
- Amazing father, unbelievably devoted to our kids
- Conventionally attractive, in good shape
- Cooks (but mostly very basic things)
- Invested in the community, volunteers, helps out elderly neighbors, generally just a good person
- Voracious reader
- Reliable, supportive, loving
- Very family oriented
- High libido, generous in bed

Cons
- Does chores when asked but takes little initiative to do them on his own
- Messy, not especially bothered by clutter around the house
- Bad at giving gifts (except to his kids)
- Avoids difficult conversations, not good at discussing emotions
- Needs 8+ hours of quality sleep each night or else he's a mess
- Over schedules everything (e.g. commits to 4 different activities on Saturday and is surprised when our young kids are burned out; if I don't block off my events weeks in advance he has usually already scheduled something)
- Weaponized incompetence in certain areas (mostly chores), i.e. pretends he doesn't know how to properly make a bed or load a dishwasher
- Obnoxious when drunk. Not abusive or dangerous but just...annoying. Drinking is mostly under control but he does get too drunk ~1 a year. Otherwise he has 2-3 beers regularly on weekends or in social situations, I typically have to remind him not to overdo it.
- Bad taste in movies
- Not interested in finances (I manage everything), but naturally pretty frugal
- Not especially romantic, sort of de-prioritized our relationship after we had kids

In!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Great in bed - loves to please
In good shape
Good at cooking meats / grilling
Helps around the house (50-50)
Somewhat high earner (200k salary)
Terrible at personal finances and investments
Short term planner
Always late
May have ADHD
Somewhat paranoid
Mommy’s boy - truly enmeshed but works at it to the best of his ability

You do realize that $200K per year puts your DH in the top 5% of income earners. I'd say that makes him a good earner. Are you a good earner PP?

Now to my wife:

Mean
Self-centered
Verbally abusive
Materialistic
Bitter
Envious
Bad mother
Bad wife
Unfaithful
Fit
Good looking
Well dressed
Toxic


I'm filing for divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Loving, generous (in bed and out) and generally easy to get along with but has the kind of temper where he loses control when he’s in it - will scream in my face or kids’, but doesn’t happen often and will apologize
Excellent father who works to have close relationships with all kids
Works a lot, definitely much more than 9-5, but has flexibility so will attend kid games, etc.
Does more than his share around house despite fact that I am SAHM and he is happy to hire people to help
Does not cook but appreciates that I do
No interest in handling finances except on macro level
Not too tall (5’9”) but fit, attractive, exercises most days
Smart, well-educated, high EQ, well-regarded professionally
One of those people literally everyone likes, loyal friend
Fun and funny in an endearing way
Likes to do things together
Can tend to get dragged down emotionally in difficult situations so I have to support him and not just focus on primary issue (for example, one of the kids)
Very nice to my family, good friends with my siblings
Very high earner - $2m+
Great at giving gifts 🙂

Where do you live? I'm coming to get your man. Dang -- I'd have to die first. Mmmm...let me start my good ole gas oven because this dude is worth it!

I'm sorry but did you miss the part where he screams in her face or her kids' faces?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Would be in except for the last thing. I don't understand not working after your kids are in school.

Interesting, so there are lots of men out there who are fine with little to no sex or you would just cheat and deal with it that way?