Take them or leave them - brutally honest description of your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

Out!

[Anonymous]

Loving, generous (in bed and out) and generally easy to get along with but has the kind of temper where he loses control when he’s in it - will scream in my face or kids’, but doesn’t happen often and will apologize
Excellent father who works to have close relationships with all kids
Works a lot, definitely much more than 9-5, but has flexibility so will attend kid games, etc.
Does more than his share around house despite fact that I am SAHM and he is happy to hire people to help
Does not cook but appreciates that I do
No interest in handling finances except on macro level
Not too tall (5’9”) but fit, attractive, exercises most days
Smart, well-educated, high EQ, well-regarded professionally
One of those people literally everyone likes, loyal friend
Fun and funny in an endearing way
Likes to do things together
Can tend to get dragged down emotionally in difficult situations so I have to support him and not just focus on primary issue (for example, one of the kids)
Very nice to my family, good friends with my siblings
Very high earner - $2m+
Great at giving gifts 🙂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We all want different things in life. describe your spouse. Comment if you’d be “in” or “out” for the other spouses described here.

Mine:
Works hard, but can’t delegate, isn’t a high earner (<100k at 50)
Poor boundaries
Enjoys the good things in life (music, art, culture) - good taste
Great sense of humor, dedicated friend - is there when it counts. Makes time for those who count.
Affectionate, loves to give and receive attention
(High sex drive. great at oral sex)
But needs a lot of attention
Moody and erratic
Pedantic, micromanaging, anxious about household cleaning - gets angry if you don’t do things the “right way”
Time blindness - always late, no ability to long term plan
Mean when angry - speaks in cutting tone, will insult you personally
Can’t save money. Living paycheck to paycheck. Finances all on you.

out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loving, generous (in bed and out) and generally easy to get along with but has the kind of temper where he loses control when he’s in it - will scream in my face or kids’, but doesn’t happen often and will apologize
Excellent father who works to have close relationships with all kids
Works a lot, definitely much more than 9-5, but has flexibility so will attend kid games, etc.
Does more than his share around house despite fact that I am SAHM and he is happy to hire people to help
Does not cook but appreciates that I do
No interest in handling finances except on macro level
Not too tall (5’9”) but fit, attractive, exercises most days
Smart, well-educated, high EQ, well-regarded professionally
One of those people literally everyone likes, loyal friend
Fun and funny in an endearing way
Likes to do things together
Can tend to get dragged down emotionally in difficult situations so I have to support him and not just focus on primary issue (for example, one of the kids)
Very nice to my family, good friends with my siblings
Very high earner - $2m+
Great at giving gifts 🙂

uhh... losing control when angry and screaming in my face kind of negates all of the good stuff. out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife:

Educated, PhD from good school
Wonderful mom, on top of all the kids schedules, heavily involved in schools
Good fashion sense.
Likes to have fun, decent sense of humor
Excellent shape, into fitness
Great cook.
Zero libido, not willing to work on it. Sex 3-6x a year for last decade.

Oh, forgot to mention, SAHM, hasn't worked in 14 years

In.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH:
Great in bed - loves to please
In good shape
Good at cooking meats / grilling
Helps around the house (50-50)
Somewhat high earner (200k salary)
Terrible at personal finances and investments
Short term planner
Always late
May have ADHD
Somewhat paranoid
Mommy’s boy - truly enmeshed but works at it to the best of his ability

In.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High earner - $350k
Strong leader, well liked professionally and seen as high potential
Very smart, degrees from Princeton and Wharton
Tall (6’2), still has all his hair at 40
Handy, fixes things around the house + for family and friends
Enjoys the good things in life, but can overindulge a little
Outdoorsy and active, former athlete, ok shape (34” waist)
Good cook, but often too busy to cook
Great, involved dad who equally splits the invisible work
Coaches both our son and daughter’s lacrosse teams
Worldly and cultured, speaks a foreign language, and loves to travel internationally
Enjoys Broadway
Travels 20% of the time for work, pre-Covid
Affectionate, high drive, very giving in the bedroom
But needs a lot of attention
Can be a lazy dresser. Lots of old college tee shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes
Often late, somewhat ADHD
Messy. Helps around the house but also constantly leaves stuff sitting out.
Runs household finances and saves well
Highly confident based on life success, generally convinced he is right on everything
Loyal and caring, friends would describe him as super nice

OMG he sounds like a dream, apart from having to be right. In.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good looking and fit enough
High earner $500-$600k with a schedule that can be unpredictable and involved working some holidays and weekends but works mostly 7am-4pm weekdays
Intelligent, educated, cultured, worldly, keeps up with currents events and prefers classical music
Speaks several languages
Loves dogs
Cooks well but seldom does it and spends a lot of money on restaurants
Favorite things to spend on are restaurants, 5-star hotels and alcohol.
Skilled in bed, gorgeous privates, enjoys giving oral
Spends time engaged with DCs in activities they enjoy
Never tires of listening to himself talk and at times will not stop talking
Disrespectful, insulting to people deemed inferior which is often me
Commanding and controlling, demands behaviors and angry and insulting when not done or done “correctly”
Refuses to buy a house or save for college
Drinks up to ten drinks a day on weekends and several every evening
Won’t spend time with my family or friends, only his.

Out, out, out, and more out. 10 drinks a day?? And why does he refuse to buy a house or save? Especially with a $500-600k income??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High earner - $350k
Strong leader, well liked professionally and seen as high potential
Very smart, degrees from Princeton and Wharton
Tall (6’2), still has all his hair at 40
Handy, fixes things around the house + for family and friends
Enjoys the good things in life, but can overindulge a little
Outdoorsy and active, former athlete, ok shape (34” waist)
Good cook, but often too busy to cook
Great, involved dad who equally splits the invisible work
Coaches both our son and daughter’s lacrosse teams
Worldly and cultured, speaks a foreign language, and loves to travel internationally
Enjoys Broadway
Travels 20% of the time for work, pre-Covid
Affectionate, high drive, very giving in the bedroom
But needs a lot of attention
Can be a lazy dresser. Lots of old college tee shirts, jeans, and tennis shoes
Often late, somewhat ADHD
Messy. Helps around the house but also constantly leaves stuff sitting out.
Runs household finances and saves well
Highly confident based on life success, generally convinced he is right on everything
Loyal and caring, friends would describe him as super nice

I think you must already know you have a keeper!

Wow. You're a lucky lady!

[Anonymous]

Loving, generous (in bed and out) and generally easy to get along with but has the kind of temper where he loses control when he’s in it - will scream in my face or kids’, but doesn’t happen often and will apologize
Excellent father who works to have close relationships with all kids
Works a lot, definitely much more than 9-5, but has flexibility so will attend kid games, etc.
Does more than his share around house despite fact that I am SAHM and he is happy to hire people to help
Does not cook but appreciates that I do
No interest in handling finances except on macro level
Not too tall (5’9”) but fit, attractive, exercises most days
Smart, well-educated, high EQ, well-regarded professionally
One of those people literally everyone likes, loyal friend
Fun and funny in an endearing way
Likes to do things together
Can tend to get dragged down emotionally in difficult situations so I have to support him and not just focus on primary issue (for example, one of the kids)
Very nice to my family, good friends with my siblings
Very high earner - $2m+
Great at giving gifts 🙂


uhh... losing control when angry and screaming in my face kind of negates all of the good stuff. out.

Well, I’m super lucky then that he’s mine and not yours. I truly had to search for negative things to say about him. Losing his temper on a very infrequent basis, and usually under extreme emotional duress, and taking responsibility and apologizing - hardly makes for a terrible spouse, and definitely does not overshadow all of his amazing qualities. Do you expect people to be perfect?

[Anonymous]

High earner - 400k+
well educated in private schools and well ranked graduate programs
well traveled and cultured. speaks 2 foreign languages and has lived and traveled abroad
film buff - loves to watch classic movies but I'd classify them as action movies
musical- was in a band and has a love for music. is always in his office playing the guitar
laid back and frugal - does not care about status or impressing others. very down to earth and salt of the earth type
amazing cook who cooks most nights
helps out adequately at home but must be told what to do
bit of a loner as he has a hard time connecting with others
as he has gotten older has a temper! He escalates fights that should only have been normal discussions
can be mean
otherwise very loving and generous
not a very high libido - 1-3 times a month

[Anonymous]

Hard worker, works 7am—10pm weekdays and some admin on weekends
Makes about $400K (I make $200K)
Bought and renovated our beautiful home at a top notch address and another in the country where he cleared the land himself and added a pool
Adores our children, has read to them every morning since they were born (they are 16).
A giver
Emotionally breathtakingly fluent and responsive/responsible
Loves sex and giving oral, is good at it; great chemistry
The most un-selfpitying and unentitled person I have ever known. Never complains.
Is strong, warm, gentle, kind, loving, accepting, supportive, heart of a lion but demeanor of a golden retriever.
Took care of me through a serious illness
Cheated on me for three years with his own patient.
Placed our family in enormous jeopardy, could have been ruined if she sued or reported him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:High earner - 400k+
well educated in private schools and well ranked graduate programs
well traveled and cultured. speaks 2 foreign languages and has lived and traveled abroad
film buff - loves to watch classic movies but I'd classify them as action movies
musical- was in a band and has a love for music. is always in his office playing the guitar
laid back and frugal - does not care about status or impressing others. very down to earth and salt of the earth type
amazing cook who cooks most nights
helps out adequately at home but must be told what to do
bit of a loner as he has a hard time connecting with others
as he has gotten older has a temper! He escalates fights that should only have been normal discussions
can be mean
otherwise very loving and generous
not a very high libido - 1-3 times a month

This would be a no for me without the $

[Anonymous]

DH:

handsome and very fit (gets compared to Matthew Mcconaughey and Bradley Cooper by strangers- looks like their love child)
decent earner 200k
very good at sharing cleaning and chores around the house (except cooking- terrible cook)
excellent with tracking financials and home/family admin
stylish without trying hard
is reliable
is smart and interested in the world
is charismatic and well regarded by peers, employers, coworkers, and subordinates
likes to read books, watch movies and shows, with me- always something to talk about
highly confident (overly confident? doesn't always do the legwork to make sure things will turn out well- just assumes they will)
has loud angry overreactions when something small happens (kid spills milk, someone doesn't let him merge in traffic)
is impatient
can be selfish/prioritizes himself (workout time, rest time, etc) over the needs of the family. a small example, he scheduled a race for the day we moved into our new house- leaving me with 2 toddlers and a house full of boxes. it was a disaster.
is always comparing who has done what in our marriage, like a running tally. "well i changed a poop this morning, so it's your turn" even though i am in the middle of cooking dinner
doesn't take even the slightest criticism well- gets very defensive
never apologizes of his own volition
has an awful, gossipy, narcissistic and interfering mother

[Anonymous]

DH:

medium earner: 150k
Is brilliant, should be making more but does public interest stuff
Tall, super fit with six-pack and ripped arms at 40
Bald
Great father
Has super high libido and is good in bed.
Messy and does not do his share of chores
Often condescending and expects everyone else to know everything about everything
Little to no desire for long-range financial planning, just expects everything to work out.