Who smokes weed at 8 in the morning to start their Monday telework day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My gross deadbeat neighbors do this. They are harshly judged.

Same here. But it starts at 9am when he wakes up. He's unemployed, incredibly unhealthy looking, supported by dad who enables him, and essentially has no future.

Listen, I occasionally use it, but starting your day with it or using it most days is a huge problem. Even bigger problem is that your children see it. She needs help.

OP here. In no way is my spouse "deadbeat." She may make some bad health choices that are cause for concern, but in most other ways, she's a highly productive employee, wife, and mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't relate, but no way could I live with someone who did that. It seems pretty extreme.

It sounds like she has untreated mental health problems. Has she ever been evaluated?

OP here. She saw a couple of therapists virtually for short times. She said they didn't help, but the weed does.

I get it, we all have mental stress to some degree. I choose to deal with it by going on a run, a bike ride, or a hike. She deals with it in other ways, and won't even aknowlege that it might be a tad bit unhealthy.

Running can be unhealthy and lead to surgery.

Also people who run or do other exercise and get endorphin rushes from it assume everyone does and that isn't the case. I don't smoke weed but no amount of running is going to help me with depression or stress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My gross deadbeat neighbors do this. They are harshly judged.

Same here. But it starts at 9am when he wakes up. He's unemployed, incredibly unhealthy looking, supported by dad who enables him, and essentially has no future.

Listen, I occasionally use it, but starting your day with it or using it most days is a huge problem. Even bigger problem is that your children see it. She needs help.

OP here. In no way is my spouse "deadbeat." She may make some bad health choices that are cause for concern, but in most other ways, she's a highly productive employee, wife, and mom.

Except she's an addict. And the weed is 100% tied to her weight gain. She's impaired most of the day. She will be at higher risk for dementia and other things. She literally is too inebriated to drive somewhere (lord hope she doesn't). Holding down a job doesn't mean you're not a deadbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My gross deadbeat neighbors do this. They are harshly judged.

Same here. But it starts at 9am when he wakes up. He's unemployed, incredibly unhealthy looking, supported by dad who enables him, and essentially has no future.

Listen, I occasionally use it, but starting your day with it or using it most days is a huge problem. Even bigger problem is that your children see it. She needs help.

OP here. In no way is my spouse "deadbeat." She may make some bad health choices that are cause for concern, but in most other ways, she's a highly productive employee, wife, and mom.

Except she's an addict. And the weed is 100% tied to her weight gain. She's impaired most of the day. She will be at higher risk for dementia and other things. She literally is too inebriated to drive somewhere (lord hope she doesn't). Holding down a job doesn't mean you're not a deadbeat.

Does one puff make you too stoned to drive somewhere? I mean, isn't it feasible that she's done it enough to know the impact and she does it in a way that it may give her what she needs without becoming totally intoxicated (or whatever the weed equivalent term is?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I would not want you around my kids as a volunteer or coach if you had been smoking. I hope you respect that many parents may feel that way and time your smoking accordingly.

OF COURSE. That’s a no brainer. Using marijuana responsibly means considering such things. And using common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, you should take the question to a doctor because on this forum you will get a lot of knee-jerk pro-weed responses, as you already see. There are people here who will swear there is no such thing as being addicted to weed, but yes, there is such a thing. Your wife is clearly self-medicating and doing it all day long so she is never fully the self she would be without the weed in her system.

https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-addictive
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/marijuana-addiction-rare-but-real-072014#Who-becomes-addicted-to-marijuana-and-why?

Posters here will insist that if it makes her feel good and she's able to work, she's fine. But it's not fine because it creates problems in her marriage. And the fact you have a teen who is defending mom's weed use is beyond troubling (read up about the impact when teens smoke weed--it affects their brain development in a big way and can have lasting effects, none good; and you can assume your teen is smoking or will smoke weed, since mom is modeling it for her all day, every day, and it's right there in the house.)

Your wife is choosing weed over you; over her kid; over any attempt to get at WHY she needs to smoke constantly. This isn't recreational use; this is "I need this substance to get through my day, all day long." That would be a red flag if the substance were wine, whiskey, opioids, and yes, even other forms of things like CBD gummies or whatever. When it's "need" and not recreation, and when it upsets the supposedly most important person in the user's life and the user does not care at all--it's a problem. Though folks here will insist it's just fine.

You need to figure out what happens next. I couldn't be married to someone who prioritized a substance (any substance) over the marriage and the family. I would at least attempt first to get that person help to see that the use, while appearing "helpful" and appearing to make her "function better," is actually self-medication for underlying issues the weed cannot treat. Maybe start with calling here:
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
The line deals with family members of people with substance use disorders. They can start to steer you to some resources. People posting here will only promote weed as beneficial, which it can be in narrow circumstances, but they don't want to believe it can be addictive and can mask mental health issues.

I don't think her weed use is fine. In fact it would probably be a divorce event for me. But OP seems utterly unempathetic and nasty in his posts here, while at the same time coming across like he is helpless. He is also a parent to his teen, for instance, yet posts like his wife is the only parent.

It is hard for me to believe his wife is entirely in the wrong here. She probably does have an addiction issue, but I also suspect that she will substantially ease up on her pot use when she isn't living with OP.

Agree completely.

I wrote the long post above about OP needing to get help dealing with her, and I also do agree that his posts are pretty unempathetic; however, he might have exhausted his empathy before posting here. Who knows. He does need to nut up immediately and deal with this issue, with professional help, instead of complaining here. And his apparent lack of serious concern about the fact they have a teen in the house who is learning all day long that smoking weed is positive, is very scary--he should know that weed has been shown over and over to have very negative impact on developing brains. I suspect the teen either is already smoking or soon will be.

The wife has an addiction issue but it's kind of unrealistic to think that if she leaves OP she'll ease up on pot because he won't be there telling her he doens't like it, it's unhealthy etc. If she's not around OP, well, she's already so used to having weed in her system all day every day that she's not going to ease up because he's not there nagging her. It's her state of being now, not just an escape from him. But yeah, he does need to get off the "I'm superior in health" high horse and get his wife real help for the underlying mental issues. Problem is, will she accept that there is a problem that needs help? I kind of doubt it, if she's lighting up at 8 a.m.

I also agree that like you, PP, this situation would be a "divorce event" for me. She's married to the weed now, not to him, but he also doesn't seem to have done more than complain so far.

Plenty of people who smoke this much weed cut back when their main stressor is alleviated. I would bet a lot of money that if they separated, OPs wife would ease up significantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you, OP.

First, no one should have to live with smoker. She knew you didn’t want to. Not fair to you.

Second, what she is doing is a fireable offense.

Third, it’s not good for her health and is a bad example to your kids.

I would not bring up the 40 pounds. Just don’t go there. I would also like to add if she’s tall, and she was like 120 and skinny when you met, she still within the healthy weight range and it’s not a normal for a middle-age woman who said kids especially to gain weight.

Since you did go there, she was 5'9" 152 when I met here. I was fine with her not being skinny. Medium is quite alright to me. She now weighs about 195. I'm pretty sure that's also out of the healthy weight range.

I'm 5'9" 185, about the same as when we met.

I think overeating is another way of self-medicating, but I don't want to piss off the pro-weed and pro-fat people all in one thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My gross deadbeat neighbors do this. They are harshly judged.

Same here. But it starts at 9am when he wakes up. He's unemployed, incredibly unhealthy looking, supported by dad who enables him, and essentially has no future.

Listen, I occasionally use it, but starting your day with it or using it most days is a huge problem. Even bigger problem is that your children see it. She needs help.

OP here. In no way is my spouse "deadbeat." She may make some bad health choices that are cause for concern, but in most other ways, she's a highly productive employee, wife, and mom.

Except she's an addict. And the weed is 100% tied to her weight gain. She's impaired most of the day. She will be at higher risk for dementia and other things. She literally is too inebriated to drive somewhere (lord hope she doesn't). Holding down a job doesn't mean you're not a deadbeat.

Does one puff make you too stoned to drive somewhere? I mean, isn't it feasible that she's done it enough to know the impact and she does it in a way that it may give her what she needs without becoming totally intoxicated (or whatever the weed equivalent term is?)

Jesus christ, yes.

[Anonymous]

OP seek counseling for yourself. That is what you need to do. If your wife will join you great, but you need it to help you work through the options of what you can, want and are able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The answers here will be so different if OP was the wife complaining about her husband. Sorry OP.

I was sympathetic to OP after his first post, but his subsequent posts have changed my mind entirely.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you, OP.

First, no one should have to live with smoker. She knew you didn’t want to. Not fair to you.

Second, what she is doing is a fireable offense.

Third, it’s not good for her health and is a bad example to your kids.

I would not bring up the 40 pounds. Just don’t go there. I would also like to add if she’s tall, and she was like 120 and skinny when you met, she still within the healthy weight range and it’s not a normal for a middle-age woman who said kids especially to gain weight.

Since you did go there, she was 5'9" 152 when I met here. I was fine with her not being skinny. Medium is quite alright to me. She now weighs about 195. I'm pretty sure that's also out of the healthy weight range.

I'm 5'9" 185, about the same as when we met.

I think overeating is another way of self-medicating, but I don't want to piss off the pro-weed and pro-fat people all in one thread.

you realize that you are quite overweight? Your BMI is 27.3. Hers is 28.8. You’re both overweight. She was a healthy weight when you started dating, you were overweight and are still over weight. So she just caught up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

Yuck. Do you live in a rowhouse or apartment building or a single family home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:she should get drug tested for work, very big liability if she makes a mistake

OP here. I don't think I agree with your statement, I don't think I even understand it.

My wife is very successful in her job, regardless whether she's doing weed or not doing weed. She's writing and talking with clients on the phone, not performing open heart surgery.

I'd rather see a world where weed is completely legal, not a world where employers drug test their employees. I'm pro-choice, I just choose to say no. And wish my wife was on the same page.

Well we're almost there and what you get is my neighbor smoking from 9am to 9pm and my kids having all that exposure to second and third hand smoke. We'll see what happens to a generation of kids whose parents and neighbors smoke. It won't be pretty.

Yuck. Do you live in a rowhouse or apartment building or a single family home?

A row home in Cleveland Park.