DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

Women can get pregnant with an IUD. A PHD classmate of mine is now 6 months pregnant even though she had an IUD. NOTHING IS FAILPROOF except for a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, I have a 17yo son who is preternaturally mature and well-grounded, and if he was in this situation I would absolutely insist on therapy. And I would also be concerned about a relationship that involved both sex and some sense of co-dependence at this age. As you describe it, your daughter is emotionally reliant on this boy and caught up with his family too - that's not healthy or normal at 17yo, and even more precarious after something as huge as a pregnancy. One of my friends was like this, and she literally never recovered when the boy dumped her during her senior year.

Why would he dump her? What if they grow old together?

Yes, perhaps they'll grow old together. But realistically, most 17yos in America today do not marry the person they started dating at 15yo. My friend who was dumped spent her 20s and much of her 30s in disastrous relationships, most of them not even actual relationships, and mourning her HS sweetheart. It was so ridiculously damaging. That won't happen to everyone, but intense HS relationships - especially where a pregnancy is involved - are not especially healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

Women can get pregnant with an IUD. A PHD classmate of mine is now 6 months pregnant even though she had an IUD. NOTHING IS FAILPROOF except for a vasectomy.

Nope even a vasectomy has a (very small but still) chance of failure. I think 1-2 out of 1,000 men have a vasectomy that fails.

Nothing is actually fail proof except abstinence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do be prepared that the relationship will end with the boyfriend soon. It will be more emotionally charged because of the abortion and even more so because his family knows.

This. Your daughter might feel an abortion was the best decision for her but I think the fallout from that decision will ultimately result in an end to her relationship. Which should be fine! People aren’t typically supposed to end up with people they started dating at 15. But when she needs to face that her abortion is what precipitated the end of her relationship THAT’S when she might need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

[Anonymous]

*16 year old! Ha

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like a really caring mom, but you also seem to have a bit of a “no big deal” attitude about unplanned pregnancies that’s a bit jarring. Twice you mentioned that your DD is only 17 and mistakes happen, and one of those was in response to the very good suggestion by the gyn NP to double up on birth control. Mistakes do happen, but getting pregnant isn’t really the same kind of mistake as rear-ending someone. Pregnancies have real emotional and physical consequences, especially for a teenager. Talking with her in depth about birth control choices seems entirely in the parental realm, especially given her history.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t date at this age but the relationship sounds like the kind that a much older and married couple would have. Is it normal that she’s so close with his parents? That they know about the abortion?
I’m glad that her boyfriend is supportive but it’s almost odd to me that they’re still a couple. It seems like the sort of thing that would freak a couple out and cool them off.

None of this sounds like high school type stuff to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

I don’t either, personally.

My concerns are;

I trust our pediatricians advice. She’s worked with a lot of teen pregnancies/abortions and I value her advice.

She seems to be relying a lot on her boyfriend for emotional support. Im not sure how much an 18-year-old boy can offer. What if it’s too much for him? Worried what will happen if the relationship ends and she’s lost that support system.

Then she can get therapy to deal with that IF it happens and IF she has a hard time dealing with it. You seem to be projecting a lot here. It makes perfect sense that she’d talk to her boyfriend about this. And quite honestly, so what if their relationship ends? Most high school relationships don’t last. Stop catastrophizing that possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t date at this age but the relationship sounds like the kind that a much older and married couple would have. Is it normal that she’s so close with his parents? That they know about the abortion?
I’m glad that her boyfriend is supportive but it’s almost odd to me that they’re still a couple. It seems like the sort of thing that would freak a couple out and cool them off.

None of this sounds like high school type stuff to me.

Why does everyone think it's so weird that the boyfriend's parents know about the abortion? Surely the boyfriend knew! Is it weird that he told his parents? He deserves the support of his parents, too. The parents might have offered to raise the child themselves. Why would a boy, who is still a teenager in high school, hide this information from his parents? I don't understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t date at this age but the relationship sounds like the kind that a much older and married couple would have. Is it normal that she’s so close with his parents? That they know about the abortion?
I’m glad that her boyfriend is supportive but it’s almost odd to me that they’re still a couple. It seems like the sort of thing that would freak a couple out and cool them off.

None of this sounds like high school type stuff to me.

Why does everyone think it's so weird that the boyfriend's parents know about the abortion? Surely the boyfriend knew! Is it weird that he told his parents? He deserves the support of his parents, too. The parents might have offered to raise the child themselves. Why would a boy, who is still a teenager in high school, hide this information from his parents? I don't understand this.

Because most girls would not have told their own parents let allowed announced it to the boyfriend's if planning to have an abortion. Especially knowing the other parents were religious and not truly approve of right to choose when faced with it. Some parts of a relationship are best not shared, same for like cheating or fetishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t date at this age but the relationship sounds like the kind that a much older and married couple would have. Is it normal that she’s so close with his parents? That they know about the abortion?
I’m glad that her boyfriend is supportive but it’s almost odd to me that they’re still a couple. It seems like the sort of thing that would freak a couple out and cool them off.

None of this sounds like high school type stuff to me.

Why does everyone think it's so weird that the boyfriend's parents know about the abortion? Surely the boyfriend knew! Is it weird that he told his parents? He deserves the support of his parents, too. The parents might have offered to raise the child themselves. Why would a boy, who is still a teenager in high school, hide this information from his parents? I don't understand this.

Because most girls would not have told their own parents let allowed announced it to the boyfriend's if planning to have an abortion. Especially knowing the other parents were religious and not truly approve of right to choose when faced with it. Some parts of a relationship are best not shared, same for like cheating or fetishes.

If they are THAT religious, they would disapprove a serious sexual relationship all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

WTH?!? Then talk to your son so he doesn’t irresponsibly ejaculate into other people’s vaginas. Problem solved. The pregnancy here was 100% caused by him ejaculating inside her. If he wants to avoid pregnancy, he should stop doing things that get people pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.