Evite invitation - hide guest list?

[Anonymous]

Why does it matter if someone chooses to hide their list?
When people send paper invites or individual text invites
You don’t know who else is invited.

Also as kids get older they start inviting select friends and not the whole class, or budget reasons and some families might not be able to Invite the whole class. Either way why would you bring up a party to someone if you don’t know who else is invited ? I never bring it up and if someone asks for weekend plans I just say “oh we have a birthday Saturday and not too much going on Sunday “ why do you have to give specifics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it matter if someone chooses to hide their list?
When people send paper invites or individual text invites
You don’t know who else is invited.

Also as kids get older they start inviting select friends and not the whole class, or budget reasons and some families might not be able to Invite the whole class. Either way why would you bring up a party to someone if you don’t know who else is invited ? I never bring it up and if someone asks for weekend plans I just say “oh we have a birthday Saturday and not too much going on Sunday “ why do you have to give specifics.

I’m honestly wondering if some of you people have friends in real life that you actually talk to… Maybe COVID really did a number on your social skills. I wouldn’t mention a kid’s party specifically in order to put some sort of state secret. I would mention the kid if my friend’s kid is also friends with them for many of the reasons noted here. If you don’t want people talking about your super special secret party, then let them know who else is invited! It’s really that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I show the list so people can carpool.

Much appreciated, this is key for drop off parties.

[Anonymous]

I hide the list because I do sometimes have an A and B list..:

ALL 3 of my kids have birthdays within one week of Thanksgiving or Christmas. We do shift the parties to avoid the actual holiday weekend, but it still during the ultra busy holiday season!

So, we cast a wide net..I do invite the whole class but if I get a ton of “no’s” I start tacking on people like neighbor kids or family friends (even if their kid is not exact same age as my DC), sometimes friends from sports teams.

As my kids get older this becomes more of a non issue (small parties, often at home) but when are little they want the big fun venue parties too (even though their birthdays fall during such a busy time of year)

[Anonymous]

I’m honestly wondering if some of you people have friends in real life that you actually talk to… Maybe COVID really did a number on your social skills. I wouldn’t mention a kid’s party specifically in order to put some sort of state secret. I would mention the kid if my friend’s kid is also friends with them for many of the reasons noted here. If you don’t want people talking about your super special secret party, then let them know who else is invited! It’s really that simple.

No one said anything about people who hide their list being a “super secretive party”
There’s many reasons why people choose to hide their list. I have never asked another person if their kid is
Going to an event unless I know 100 they are invited . If I don’t see a guest list or get a text invite and don’t know who’s coming
I just take my kid to the party. It’s really not THAT big of a deal to not see the guest list.
How do you handle it when people do verbal invites or paper invites or individual text invites?
Why is that anyone’s business ? I can understand the people who choose to hide it and who choose not too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Hiding the guest list is overthinking it. It’s helpful for various reasons, but especially not to talk about it with people who aren’t invited. Now, you probably shouldn’t talk about it anyway, but it’s a different kind of media. Since you have to actively choose to hide the guest list, I always wonder why people choose to do so. It’s like going out of your way to make things more difficult for people. Just publish the list, already.

You don't need to talk about the party with another parent.

I wasn't talking about other parents (although the carpool issue is real), I was talking about kids.

The whole "you don't need to know who is invited" for a *children's party* is excessive. It's not a top secret affair, FFS. Hiding the guest list makes me think someone is being deliberately exclusive, which is not a good look.

But again, if this were traditional paper invitations, you also wouldn't know who else was invited and you wouldn't be on here complaining about it.

But it’s not traditional paper invitations - which, by the way, haven’t been widely used in what, 10 years or more? That’s moot. Hiding the guest list on Evite requires deliberate action on the part of the host. I think it’s juvenile and implies a low opinion of one’s guests. If there were people I thought might not attend if Larla was or was not attending, I’d rather not have those people there to begin with.

If you’re hosting a dinner party for adult friends, do you invite them all individually and not let guests know who else will be there?

If I host a holiday open house, no I don't always tell them who will be there.

Why would you invite people of whom you have such a low opinion to a party at your house? That’s odd.

You really seem to think this is a gotcha? Good luck explaining to your kids as they get older that it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing!

Your inability to set boundaries with your kids isn’t my problem.

Me to my kid, after receiving a party invitation: Do you want to to go?
DD: Who else will be there?
Me: Not sure. Do you want to go?
DD: Replies accordingly

My kids are aware enough to know that accepting based on who else is attending is rude and unlikely to win them any friends. Also, it’s the people who are insisting on hiding the guest list who seem to think that displaying it is a gotcha, that you *must* hide it or people will behave badly. It’s so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to turn the question around on you - as a guest, why would you need to see who else was invited? When someone sends paper invitations, you have no idea who else was invited. Why does evite/paperless post need to be any different?

Exactly. It should not matter whether it is a closed invite. If you are free and want to come, please do, if not say no.

My kid was invited to a party and very excited and when we went to respond, it looked like others were invited more than a month back. My kid was a little hurt not to be in the first list, but likes the other kid and wanted to go, so we RSVPed yes. It would have been better if it was a closed invite since we wouldn't have known that others were invited ahead. But my kid was still happy to be invited.

Multiple kids, a spouse that works weekends or travels and carpooling. Many of us are in this situation and we RSVP depending on if we can arrange transportation.

[Anonymous]

I’m PP. My oldest is in 8th grade. I’ve never received a paper invitation for any of my kids. They have all been electronic since preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't hide the guest list.

I usually take a look to ensure that I don't accidentally talk about an invite with other parents whose kids aren't invited.

This!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I’m honestly wondering if some of you people have friends in real life that you actually talk to… Maybe COVID really did a number on your social skills. I wouldn’t mention a kid’s party specifically in order to put some sort of state secret. I would mention the kid if my friend’s kid is also friends with them for many of the reasons noted here. If you don’t want people talking about your super special secret party, then let them know who else is invited! It’s really that simple.

No one said anything about people who hide their list being a “super secretive party”
There’s many reasons why people choose to hide their list. I have never asked another person if their kid is
Going to an event unless I know 100 they are invited . If I don’t see a guest list or get a text invite and don’t know who’s coming
I just take my kid to the party. It’s really not THAT big of a deal to not see the guest list.
How do you handle it when people do verbal invites or paper invites or individual text invites?
Why is that anyone’s business ? I can understand the people who choose to hide it and who choose not too.


Not many reasons have been offered actually. I agree that hiding the guest list is an active choice by the host and it feels strange and overly calculated to me. My kids like knowing who else will be there, not because that’s how they decide whether to attend but because it helps them anticipate what to expect. I have recently noticed I’m less inclined to respond yes to kid-party evites that hide the guest list. It grates on me and like several others have said, makes it a lot harder to arrange carpools. Just because paper invites prevented showing the guest list doesn’t mean they are the standard to aspire to.

[Anonymous]

I do not hide the guest list so people can carpool, etc.

[Anonymous]

There can be many reasons that people hide guest lists, so why do we need to wonder about it?

I can only share the many reasons I have to not hide guest lists. First of all, culturally, we have always thrown large parties with lots of food and drinks and good attendance. We also make it a point to attend as many events that we are invited to and participate in them. So for me, to exclude people is a sign of poor upbringing and some sort of dysfunction (house it too messy, don't know how to cook, don't have good relationships with people, child does not have friends, don't know how to put together a party). If we are not excluding people then there is no need to hide the guestlist.

I always invite ALL classmates (their parents as well as siblings), all the neighborhood kids, all my friend's kids and all my relative's kids. I send the evite at least 4 weeks before the event. For the class, I also send paper invitations home with the kids - JIC the parents did not receive the invite, as well as an email. I usually get 90% attendance. I have heard horror stories on DCUM of no one showing up for kid's birthday parties. That is heartbreaking to me. With so much advanced notice, I do not fear that no one will show up and I don't fear people declining publicly on the evite. So no need to hide the evite invitee list

Next, I always invite parents and siblings too and provide a meal for everyone. I also serve adult beverages. I have figured that the weekends are precious to parents and no one wants to be chauffeuring their kids back and forth. Parents like to take all the kids in one place, make sure that they all are fed, and they can sit back and enjoy adult beverages and talk to other adults - so having an inclusive invite will mean better attendance. The party should look at the convenience of the guests. I know that I am throwing a party that many people will want to attend so no need to hide the invitees.

I save contacts in a descriptive way in my address book. No contact will be saved with just the email address like [e-mail] etc. It will be saved as Emily Pruitt (Courtney's mom) etc. So others can use my evites or emails as a directory and form their own connections. I think having addresses shown publicly help with these kinds of social connections.

Do I expect that the people who are invited will show any kind of reciprocity and include my kid? Not really. I don't expect reciprocity. I have other social groups and I don't sweat the small stuff. I am able to entertain the way I want. It has nothing to do with what others do. So, I am not keeping scores and don't want my kids to see these friendships or invites as an exclusive social group. No need to hide the invites.

[Anonymous]

I send paper invitations. But I also don’t invite the whole class. Why invite the 5 yo who hits my kid. Or the one every parent says is a problem child. Or my favorite the one who used to say super mean threatening things. So yeah we only invite the kids that DD is actually likes. Then we send paper invitations via the mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I send paper invitations. But I also don’t invite the whole class. Why invite the 5 yo who hits my kid. Or the one every parent says is a problem child. Or my favorite the one who used to say super mean threatening things. So yeah we only invite the kids that DD is actually likes. Then we send paper invitations via the mail.

That is also fine. Do you get a good response rate from this sort of an invite in the age of digital invites?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't hide the guest list.

I usually take a look to ensure that I don't accidentally talk about an invite with other parents whose kids aren't invited.

+1.. and then you can also arrange carpools for those who need rides.

Why are you talking about invitations with other parents? That's a social no-no.

NP - what?? How is it a "no-no"? "Oh hey Jane, what are your plans this weekend? Oh we are going to Larlo's birthday on Saturday, are you going too?" No one is critiquing the invites with other parents. This thread is full of paranoid people. Don't show the guest list because some won't come depending on who is on it? Who are you people socializing with? GMAFB.

Just say your kid is going to a party. Don’t be so tacky and say it’s Larlo’s.

Tacky? You must live in some stepford suburban competitive housewife hell. Sorry, but it wouldn't be mentioned in order to hurt or make someone feel bad. WTAF.

The intent and the impact may not be the same. I was raised that you never mention social events to anyone who might not be invited. I’m honestly shocked at the lack of tact and discretion some of these posts are indicating is common.