If you're a family who expects your kids to eat what's put in front of them, do you make exceptions?
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Anonymous
| It is SOOOO wrong for someone to insist that only foods their kid will eat be on the table. Yes, there needs to be foods that are kid-friendly. Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, bread, etc... are all fine. But that doesn't mean you can't also have beef wellington, crab, lobster, whatever. |
Anonymous
I would add a few of her suggestions (and probably ask her to cook and bring most of them) but proceed with your planned dinner. |
Anonymous
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We only make our kids eat all the vegetables and try a bite of the main entree at our usual dinners.
On holidays, I usually pile their plate with things I think they'd like. They sample them (or don't sample them) and fill up on what they like. Holidays are meant to be enjoyed. Kind of like how we let our kids have juice and cake at birthday parties, but don't give it daily. DH comes from an Eastern European family who eats a lot of ethnic food (especially on holidays!). DH thinks it's important his kids grow up knowing the food, cooking the food and eating the ethnic food. I personally don't like a lot of it, but I smile and eat some bites. And that's what I expect my kids to do too. |
Anonymous
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1. I expect my child to try a small bite of everything I make on a normal non-holiday, but she is then welcome to make herself a pb&j, bowl of cereal, or other decently healthy alternative. I was forced to clean my plate as a child and still have huge food issues to this day.
2. Holidays we are much more lax, no point in fighting about food! She's fairly non-picky but like all of us has preferences. I'm not going to argue on a major holiday. Almost certainly, unless a person has huge food aversions, they can find something basic on any table whether that's rolls or load up on cheese and crackers or fresh fruit before the meal. 3. Big holiday meals usually have many many dishes, and it's the rare person who eats some of every single thing. Looking at the menus some people on DCUM post - stuffing and mac & cheese and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. Plus 3 or four vegetables. My DH's family used to have three different types of cranberry sauces or relishes on the table. Really, there are people who eat all of that? This mom is nuts if she intends to serve her children some of every single item. Do they have to eat three types of pie, too? 4. No way should the entire meal be built around a single picky child. See 1, 2 and 3. |
Anonymous
So she solves the problem of kids eating what is served by only serving what they will Eat? She’s not actually holding the rule she thinks she is. |
Anonymous
We'll gather at a grandparent's house, but the grandparent isn't cooking. Each household will bring a few dishes. So, we're having discussions to make sure we aren't duplicating (e.g. 5 turkeys). So, the objections are coming up in that context. |
Anonymous
OMG then this is even easier. She should bring foods her kids will eat, it doesn't matter what else is on the table. She does not have to force them to eat every single item in a large holiday meal. |
Anonymous
Your family member is being rude. Is she helping to cook? If no, then she doesn’t have a say in what is served. I imagine at most holiday gatherings, there is so much food that picky eaters will be able to find *something* to eat. And in the case of severe allergies, I would expect them to bring their own food rather than put everyone else out. I never cook my kids special “kid friendly” food, and during the holidays, they happily eat whatever is served. Maybe there’s a side that isn’t their favorite, for that, they get a pass assuming their plate is pretty well rounded (a vegetable and a protein at the minimum-no just eating buttered rolls). |
Anonymous
No one can eat every dish at a buffet or holiday day meal I have two cousins whose food is so bad that there should be a warning not to eat. It's a holiday and I let them eat what want just as I eat what I want. One year the cousins brought beets and spinach and an under cooked turkey. We stopped at the first Chinese restaurant we found open. |
Anonymous
| If I make something normal, nothing crazy like liver or super spicy for example, then I expect my children to taste it. If they then don't like it, they are welcome to make themselves something to eat. I will not fix a second whole meal for them. I do have a child with allergies so if i want to have salmon for dinner, I will make a second meal for her of something they like. |
Anonymous
Is that the same at holidays? |
Anonymous
Lighten up and relax the rules for the holidays. Otherwise with a "middle ground" you both may make it miserable for everyone. And stressful. No expectations. No kiddie food for adults. Don't ruin your time and SHE should not make her kids dread holiday dining. |
Anonymous
Not PP, but same thing. Although I've yet to have a holiday meal where my kids couldn't find at least one or two things to eat. |
Anonymous
OP here, I think there are two things behind her thinking. One is that she is concerned that her kids eat the "right" nutrition in the "right" proportions. So plating their food and making them eat it ensures that she knows that they ate a vegetable, or a protein, or whatever is important to her. The other is, I think, that she has the idea that if her kids know that eating what's in front of them isn't negotiable, then she can gradually increase what they eat by adding foods. But she's got a lot on her plate, and she gets to the end of the day, and she's tired so she makes something that meets her nutritional criteria that's easy and fast and she knows they'll eat. She's making healthy meals, just not a great variety. How well is it working? Well, that's hard to say. I think she feels that her kids are naturally very picky, and that the fact that they eat a greater variety of healthy foods than most "picky eaters" is a win. I think it's also possible that if exposed to more foods, or allowed more choice, they'd eat even more variety. I feed my kids differently, and my kids eat a greater variety of foods than hers do. But that could be because I happen to have unpicky kids. I'm certainly not going to tell her that I think that if she fed her kids like mine they'd eat like mine, because I have no idea if that's true. I think one dynamic is that she is pretty competitive and it bothers her that my kids eat "better"* than hers. Like, it's embarrassing to her when her kids are fussing about how they don't want something, and my kids are happily eating the same thing. So, she'd like to avoid that situation. My solution to that problem would be to tell the kids that they can say no thank you, but they need to do it politely without fussing. Her solution would be to not serve foods that her kids won't eat, so my kids won't be able to "show off". *note: I'm using words like better and picky eater and little kid friendly food because that's what she uses, and I'm trying to explain her thinking. I wouldn't use those words to describe my own kids' eating. |
Anonymous
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I think your relative is wrong, but to answer your question:
We never make separate meals for DD. The closest we will come is offering more veggies on the side (like carrots or cucumbers) if we are having something spicy or something DD hasn't been exposted to yet and is not likely to enjoy. We still hope she'll try some, but want to be realistic and not have her go hungry. For holidays, up to this point, I've made a plate for DD with things she will like/should try. If there is some gloppy casserole monstrosity or mayo bomb salad, I will skip it; basically, if I wouldn't eat it myself I'm not going to make DD try it. I'd never expect her to try everything offered. She's 8 now and will probably be making her own plates going forward (this was all N/A last year). |