If you're a family who expects your kids to eat what's put in front of them, do you make exceptions?

[Anonymous]

Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

[Anonymous]

Not usually. Perhaps if it's multiple meals but I don't make exceptions for one meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not usually. Perhaps if it's multiple meals but I don't make exceptions for one meal.

If you were at Christmas and say there were 15 dishes on the table (we have a large family, everyone cooks), would you expect your kids to taste all 15, or would you choose a plate for them from that, or let them choose with parameters (e.g. you have to choose at least one protein and at least one vegetable?).

I have follow up questions if you're willing.

[Anonymous]

We always made our kids eat what was cooked for dinner but actually not at holidays.

[Anonymous]

No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

[Anonymous]

Yes - for allergies and food intolerances. My son with special needs has anaphylactic allergies plus a sensory avoidance to certain textures. So we accommodate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

That’s tough. My policy is that they eat what is offered rather than some different thing. E.g., if we are having veggie korma, naan and yogurt, they can’t have pb&j, and they have to at least try everything together, but I also will have some veggies on the side without the sauce and if they end up eating a tiny bit of korma and some plain veggies and rice and yogurt, then that’s fine.

At Thanksgiving, I would let them choose what goes on their plate, with the limitation that I expect them to have a few bites of some kind of protein and some kind of veggie. In practice that would be a little bit of turkey, some green beans, some masked potatoes, several rolls and half a can of olives each.

So my green beans would be simple, mashed potatoes simple and everything else I can go to town experimenting with.

Maybe a compromise would be to have super kid-friendly appetizers so they can fill up on that and then she can make an exception without blowing her normal rules? Like if the appetizers were “dinner” for the kids and then they were free to eat whatever looked good at the main event?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not usually. Perhaps if it's multiple meals but I don't make exceptions for one meal.

If you were at Christmas and say there were 15 dishes on the table (we have a large family, everyone cooks), would you expect your kids to taste all 15, or would you choose a plate for them from that, or let them choose with parameters (e.g. you have to choose at least one protein and at least one vegetable?).

I have follow up questions if you're willing.

At a holiday dinner, I take each of my kids through the buffet line and let them choose what to eat. And then I make up my own plate and enjoy my meal. Holidays are a time to enjoy and make memories not to battle over food.

I have a kid who had terrible food aversions and went through tons of feeding therapy. No way was I ever making my holidays unpleasant over food. Eat what you want. Don’t eat. Eat just bread or mashed potatoes. Just do what will make you happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

That’s tough. My policy is that they eat what is offered rather than some different thing. E.g., if we are having veggie korma, naan and yogurt, they can’t have pb&j, and they have to at least try everything together, but I also will have some veggies on the side without the sauce and if they end up eating a tiny bit of korma and some plain veggies and rice and yogurt, then that’s fine.

At Thanksgiving, I would let them choose what goes on their plate, with the limitation that I expect them to have a few bites of some kind of protein and some kind of veggie. In practice that would be a little bit of turkey, some green beans, some masked potatoes, several rolls and half a can of olives each.

So my green beans would be simple, mashed potatoes simple and everything else I can go to town experimenting with.

Maybe a compromise would be to have super kid-friendly appetizers so they can fill up on that and then she can make an exception without blowing her normal rules? Like if the appetizers were “dinner” for the kids and then they were free to eat whatever looked good at the main event?

OP here,

I serve more like you, although I don't make my kids try things. So, if we're having veggie korma, naan, and yogurt, and rice, and my kid ate just rice with yogurt, then I'd be OK with that. She just wouldn't serve veggie korma because it's not "kid friendly".

I will think about the appetizer solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

That’s ridiculous. A kid needs maybe 3 different items, max, for a nutritionally balanced plate. So as long as there are 3 kid-friendly items, you should be allowed to make whatever you want for the rest. Also it’s good for kids to be tempted by something new that they see on the table, and go outside their comfort zone to sample.

[Anonymous]

My kids eats what's being served but she gets input on that. And she can eat a piece cheese before bed if she's still hungry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

If you’re hosting the meal and cooking then ask your relative to bring something that her kids will eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

If you’re hosting the meal and cooking then ask your relative to bring something that her kids will eat.

We'll have a ton of things her kids will eat.

The issue is that she thinks that we should only have things her kids will eat. For example, there has been discussion of Beef Wellington. Her kids don't like mushrooms. But we'll also have ham, which they like, and mac and cheese which they love and turkey which they're OK with. So, the kids will not be protein deprived. Same with every food group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.