If you're a family who expects your kids to eat what's put in front of them, do you make exceptions?

[Anonymous]

Is this her husbands rule, by any chance? Her position on it is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is not a plated, served meal then tell her guests are free to choose what they want. "There will be something there for everyone not everything for everyone."

You promise to not have hurt feelings or make comments about what anyone does or doesn't eat.

Agree. Tell her to think of it like a restaurant, and the food offered are items on the menu. She can pick the items from the menu that work for her kids. They don’t have to eat everything on the menu.

Also agree. "What's put in front of them" is what the mother puts on their plates, not the entire menu for the place. She can enforce her rules on their plates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not usually. Perhaps if it's multiple meals but I don't make exceptions for one meal.

If you were at Christmas and say there were 15 dishes on the table (we have a large family, everyone cooks), would you expect your kids to taste all 15, or would you choose a plate for them from that, or let them choose with parameters (e.g. you have to choose at least one protein and at least one vegetable?).

I have follow up questions if you're willing.

At a holiday dinner, I take each of my kids through the buffet line and let them choose what to eat. And then I make up my own plate and enjoy my meal. Holidays are a time to enjoy and make memories not to battle over food.

I have a kid who had terrible food aversions and went through tons of feeding therapy. No way was I ever making my holidays unpleasant over food. Eat what you want. Don’t eat. Eat just bread or mashed potatoes. Just do what will make you happy.

I don’t have children with food aversions, they are just picky, and I follow PP’s philosophy. Food should be enjoyed, not a battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this her husbands rule, by any chance? Her position on it is weird.

I think it’s a combination? She is the one I am related to, so I see her with the kids more than I see him, and she’s the one talking about menus with me. They are both very involved parents.

[Anonymous]

There's no such thing as kid friendly for us. They eat whatever is being served. How old are her children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Maybe you can get her to agree that you will designate certain dishes for adults only. That will allow her continue experiencing control over food while you have access to tasty dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.

It’s extreme to think that a holiday meal should be centered around one or two family members’ tastes, period, whether adult or child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.

+1

Adults aren't expected to eat 15 different dishes at one meal. They choose what they like. Your relative needs to let her kids choose from the available dishes -- if they don't like beef Wellington, they can have ham or mac and cheese, which is exactly what an adult who didn't care for beef Wellington (or just preferred ham) would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.

+1

Adults aren't expected to eat 15 different dishes at one meal. They choose what they like. Your relative needs to let her kids choose from the available dishes -- if they don't like beef Wellington, they can have ham or mac and cheese, which is exactly what an adult who didn't care for beef Wellington (or just preferred ham) would do.

Right, and you don’t say “we can’t serve beef Wellington, because Aunt Suzy won’t eat it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your relative is crazy.

You’re insane for indulging this. The way normal people handle holidays is to make sure to have a few options that the kids will eat and then cook an adult meal.

Also, even as an adult I often don’t eat every single dish at a holiday dinner. Maybe I only want mashed potatoes and skip the sweet potatoes this year. It’s perfectly fine. It’s bizarre to think that kids have to eat every single dish at a holiday spread.

+1

There are plenty of "kid-friendly" dishes that are traditional holiday foods -- ham or turkey, mac and cheese, potatoes, etc. If there's a variety of foods, then everyone should be happy. No normal person expects ANYONE at the meal to eat ham AND turkey AND mac and cheese AND beef Wellington at the same meal. That's nuts, and you should ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

If I introduce a new dish/food, they had to takea bite and it could be nothing more than a dot. If they likef it then I let them serve themselves but they had to eat what they put on their plate and they learned to take small amounts but they could have seconds. I never make them eat anything they don't like. I told them that when I was little that I hated cooked carrots and wouldn't eat carrot cake because it had cooked carrots but one time I was invited to a friend's house for her birthday dinner and they served carrot cake. I asked for a tiny slice because I just knew I would gag on the cooked carrots. Imagine my delightful surprise when I took that tiny first bite of carrot cake! They love the story and "remember the carrot cake" and will try everything. I also never withheld desert. I have three, two grown and one is 20 and a junior in college and I never had a picky eater.

I just never made a big deal about food.

[Anonymous]

If you are hosting, tell the mom the list of menu items that are the things you know her kids will eat. No need to mention to her the variety of things you will serve that her kids won't like. Those shouldn't be her business as they aren't going to involve her kids. It's a holiday. It's normal to have a variety of things. She will be ablet to find many things for her kids to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

If I introduce a new dish/food, they had to takea bite and it could be nothing more than a dot. If they likef it then I let them serve themselves but they had to eat what they put on their plate and they learned to take small amounts but they could have seconds. I never make them eat anything they don't like. I told them that when I was little that I hated cooked carrots and wouldn't eat carrot cake because it had cooked carrots but one time I was invited to a friend's house for her birthday dinner and they served carrot cake. I asked for a tiny slice because I just knew I would gag on the cooked carrots. Imagine my delightful surprise when I took that tiny first bite of carrot cake! They love the story and "remember the carrot cake" and will try everything. I also never withheld desert. I have three, two grown and one is 20 and a junior in college and I never had a picky eater.

I just never made a big deal about food.

So this is a bit of a long shot but is there any chance that one kid is grossed out by the sight of complicated foods? I have a child with ARFID who would literally throw up at the sight of a vegetable curry (although after years of therapy things are a bit better now). Even still we don’t expect big groups to accommodate this, but make a plan to have DC sit a little turned or we just go for appetizers. We are pretty open about things but I know not everyone with food issues is. Otherwise this is just crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty accommodating to guests’ preferences, but I sound never go for this. I would tell her that she can relax her requirements or perhaps this isn’t the best occasion for her to visit. I’ve never met anyone who expected that their hosts are required to serve only things their kids will eat (as opposed to serving at least some things the kids will eat, which is much more reasonable).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

I guess I am outlier here. My kids eat what I make or they can have a peanut butter sandwich (that they make themselves). For the holidays - I fully expect something on the table they will eat - mashed potatoes, plain Turkey, green beans.

I don’t want meal time to be an argument. Should be enjoyable and more than just food it is a time for gathering and conversation -esp. on the holidays.

My kids are usually willing to try stuff (and they like it) but they know a peanut butter sandwich is an option which I think provides less pressure.