If you're a family who expects your kids to eat what's put in front of them, do you make exceptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Maybe you can get her to agree that you will designate certain dishes for adults only. That will allow her continue experiencing control over food while you have access to tasty dishes.

OP here,

My kids like the foods that she has declared "not kid friendly".

[Anonymous]

We always have those Hawaiian dinner rolls. Then we try to *maybe* have one side dish at least some of the kids will eat and some fruit on hand. The kids figure it out. My kids eat more variety than their cousins, but I don't really worry about what my sister's kids will eat.

Whoever has the picky kids does not get to set the menu for the gathering. They are welcome to bring food just for their children if that helps.

The holidays is not the time for this food battle. Save that for you house.

[Anonymous]

Your relative's request is bonkers. She's not trying to control just what her kids eat; she's trying to control what everyone else will eat, too. No way. It wouldn't be fair to your family and the other guests. Providing a few options her kids will eat is all the accommodation you should make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

If you’re hosting the meal and cooking then ask your relative to bring something that her kids will eat.

We'll have a ton of things her kids will eat.

The issue is that she thinks that we should only have things her kids will eat. For example, there has been discussion of Beef Wellington. Her kids don't like mushrooms. But we'll also have ham, which they like, and mac and cheese which they love and turkey which they're OK with. So, the kids will not be protein deprived. Same with every food group.

Wait, so her policy is that the kids have to eat everything served, and therefore you can only serve things her kids like? This is genuinely so bizarre I'm not sure if I'm understanding correctly. Can't she just not put the Beef Wellington on their plates? I would just leave it at "we'll make sure there are plenty of options for them" and not engage beyond that. If her crazy philosophy requires her to force feed her kids thing she knows they don't like, that's not on you.

[Anonymous]

I have a picky DS and an non-picky DS. For everyday meals, I make sure that I have something that the picky DS will eat or if I am making something I know he will not, I make sure we have leftovers from another meal.

For holidays, I wouldn't revolve the menu around my kids but I would make sure there was something they would eat on the menu. I do the same for my vegetarian cousin and my gluten-free grandfather. When my kids and my nieces/nephews were younger, I would just make sure that I had chicken nuggets or something in the freezer that I could easily heat up. I think we only did that once because there was always something they would eat, even if it was just turkey and rolls. Creating an entire menu only around the specific foods that a child would eat is insane. Just bring them something separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Maybe you can get her to agree that you will designate certain dishes for adults only. That will allow her continue experiencing control over food while you have access to tasty dishes.

OP here,

My kids like the foods that she has declared "not kid friendly".

If you are hosting, then hold firm. Her request is out of line. If it’s her home, you can speak up with your point of view, but ultimately the menu decisions are hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Maybe you can get her to agree that you will designate certain dishes for adults only. That will allow her continue experiencing control over food while you have access to tasty dishes.

OP here,

My kids like the foods that she has declared "not kid friendly".

I would be fine with changing the rules at the last minute so my kids could eat whatever they want, given that her rules are bizarre and controlling and should not be catered to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

If I introduce a new dish/food, they had to takea bite and it could be nothing more than a dot. If they likef it then I let them serve themselves but they had to eat what they put on their plate and they learned to take small amounts but they could have seconds. I never make them eat anything they don't like. I told them that when I was little that I hated cooked carrots and wouldn't eat carrot cake because it had cooked carrots but one time I was invited to a friend's house for her birthday dinner and they served carrot cake. I asked for a tiny slice because I just knew I would gag on the cooked carrots. Imagine my delightful surprise when I took that tiny first bite of carrot cake! They love the story and "remember the carrot cake" and will try everything. I also never withheld desert. I have three, two grown and one is 20 and a junior in college and I never had a picky eater.

I just never made a big deal about food.

So this is a bit of a long shot but is there any chance that one kid is grossed out by the sight of complicated foods? I have a child with ARFID who would literally throw up at the sight of a vegetable curry (although after years of therapy things are a bit better now). Even still we don’t expect big groups to accommodate this, but make a plan to have DC sit a little turned or we just go for appetizers. We are pretty open about things but I know not everyone with food issues is. Otherwise this is just crazy to me.

No, I don't think that's the issue. I babysat her kids a lot over the pandemic, and I fed them like I feed my kids (e.g. variety of things on the table including things that I know they'll eat, and they choose from that) and they frequently expressed anxiety that I might make them eat something, but once they were reassured that they could choose, they were fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

don't comment on what people eat - problem solved.

And that's what you tell people - "commenting on what people is really rude" and if they insist " please stop ruining the holiday"

[Anonymous]

It nuts to make everyone eat a "kid friendly" meal. It is considerate to have some options that are kid friendly. Some plain veggies, rolls, mac&cheese, etc.

Especially at the holidays, just enjoy the food and each other and don't worry about what is or isn't on the plate.

Also totally normal to have "adult" dishes at a holiday meal. The kids can try them, but don't have to eat them if they don't want.

[Anonymous]

We typically have our kids just eat what's in front of them because they aren't very picky eaters but if there's something they really don't like (e.g., one kid just hate carrots, one kid hates spicy things), they don't have to eat it. We only short-order cook if someone is sick and just NEEDS their plain noodles with pickles and cranberry sauce or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

If I introduce a new dish/food, they had to takea bite and it could be nothing more than a dot. If they likef it then I let them serve themselves but they had to eat what they put on their plate and they learned to take small amounts but they could have seconds. I never make them eat anything they don't like. I told them that when I was little that I hated cooked carrots and wouldn't eat carrot cake because it had cooked carrots but one time I was invited to a friend's house for her birthday dinner and they served carrot cake. I asked for a tiny slice because I just knew I would gag on the cooked carrots. Imagine my delightful surprise when I took that tiny first bite of carrot cake! They love the story and "remember the carrot cake" and will try everything. I also never withheld desert. I have three, two grown and one is 20 and a junior in college and I never had a picky eater.

I just never made a big deal about food.

OP here,

So, I think that's pretty similar to how they do things, that they have to "try" everything.

And that makes sense to me, in the context of their home, even if it's now how I do things.

But we are a big family with lots of people who cook, and so we're talking about a meal that might have 20 dishes, a lot of the unfamiliar to the kids. I totally get that a kid who prefers familiar isn't going to want to taste 15 new foods. I just feel like the obvious solution is for either their parents to say "Oh, that rule doesn't apply on Christmas" or to say "I'm going to pick 2 foods for you to taste".

I like the idea of maybe switching to more buffet. We are typically a family that passes dishes around at the table. Perhaps if mom is plating her own kids food she'll be comfortable with the idea that they just have to taste what's on their plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing as kid friendly for us. They eat whatever is being served. How old are her children?

So, in this circumstance, what would you expect your kids to do? Eat some of everything? Eat things you chose? Choose some things?

I guess part of my issue is that my own kids, who aren't picky at all, still aren't going to eat everything. Heck, I won't eat everything. For example, I'll happily eat ham if ham is what is served, but if there's beef, I'll take more of that and not take any ham, because I like beef better.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand this clearly.
OP, who’s hosting and doing the cooking? You or the fussy relative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no such thing as kid friendly for us. They eat whatever is being served. How old are her children?

So, in this circumstance, what would you expect your kids to do? Eat some of everything? Eat things you chose? Choose some things?

I guess part of my issue is that my own kids, who aren't picky at all, still aren't going to eat everything. Heck, I won't eat everything. For example, I'll happily eat ham if ham is what is served, but if there's beef, I'll take more of that and not take any ham, because I like beef better.

Why does anyone need to eat 1 of everything? You eat what your like/choose and call it a day. She can't control what OP is making/serving and is doing her children a huge disservice only serving them the same things over and over.