If you're a family who expects your kids to eat what's put in front of them, do you make exceptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this clearly.
OP, who’s hosting and doing the cooking? You or the fussy relative?

We'll gather at a grandparent's house, but the grandparent isn't cooking. Each household will bring a few dishes. So, we're having discussions to make sure we aren't duplicating (e.g. 5 turkeys). So, the objections are coming up in that context.

Why is this even a topic of discussion! You all cook the traditional meal and she brings food for her snowflakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not usually. Perhaps if it's multiple meals but I don't make exceptions for one meal.

If you were at Christmas and say there were 15 dishes on the table (we have a large family, everyone cooks), would you expect your kids to taste all 15, or would you choose a plate for them from that, or let them choose with parameters (e.g. you have to choose at least one protein and at least one vegetable?).

I have follow up questions if you're willing.

Are you the OP? Is this a clarification of your original question?

Because I wouldn't expect a grown adult to try every single dish at a potluck or large family dinner, that's absurd. My kids can pick a few things that they would like to eat (out of 15 dishes, there's bound to be a couple things they want), and that's fine. If great aunt Mildred has a problem with that, I really don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

[Anonymous]

I've commented a few times because for some reason this fascinates me. Sounds like the relative doesn't want a fight with her kids or to be embarrassed so wants a lowest common denominator meal.

She is in control in terms of what she puts in her kids' plates, she is not in control of the entire meal. She can volunteer to bring side dishes that she knows her kids will eat since you're all divvying up the menu anyway. She can also lighten up for one meal and if her kids eat only mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie with whipped cream, so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

PP you haven't read the whole thread. The mom wants the meal to be only things that her own picky eaters will eat. This is the argument they're having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

I would say this is what we are cooking-I'm happy to set aside some components for her and microwave her some nuggets. If she objects then say 'it's ok if you want to bring something for her'.

What are you cooking? Like my daughter doesn't like mixed foods like green bean casserole but she likes green beans. Or broccoli rice, although she loves broccoli, rice, and cheese-I don't get it but it is what it is. Or lasagna but she likes noodles and meat.

So I can set aside the components and she's fine (which I do at home) although I make her try it first (because you can grow to like it-which she did with breakfast tacos). But she will always eat any kind of meat-so for thanksgiving she'll get meat, green beans (before the sauce), broccoli is I go fresh but not if I go frozen, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes (which she may eat a little of), and that's it. She will be fine. She may eat a roll but in general she doesn't like or eat bread.

But I would never ask a host to accommodate-I'll tell them she'll be fine and I'll tell her then just eat meat and try everything else and I would have probably brought some fresh broccoli/cauliflower to steam for her if I was really worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

[not OP]

I don't understand how you can still think this is a simple solution to the actual problem that OP faces. Did you just skip reading the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this clearly.
OP, who’s hosting and doing the cooking? You or the fussy relative?

We'll gather at a grandparent's house, but the grandparent isn't cooking. Each household will bring a few dishes. So, we're having discussions to make sure we aren't duplicating (e.g. 5 turkeys). So, the objections are coming up in that context.

OMG then this is even easier. She should bring foods her kids will eat, it doesn't matter what else is on the table. She does not have to force them to eat every single item in a large holiday meal.

Yup, this. She is being ridiculous and you sound like you're being very reasonable. As long as there are options that her kids will eat, there's no need for the full menu to be only friendly to her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

If you’re hosting the meal and cooking then ask your relative to bring something that her kids will eat.

We'll have a ton of things her kids will eat.

The issue is that she thinks that we should only have things her kids will eat. For example, there has been discussion of Beef Wellington. Her kids don't like mushrooms. But we'll also have ham, which they like, and mac and cheese which they love and turkey which they're OK with. So, the kids will not be protein deprived. Same with every food group.

Then you don't have an issue. If she wants to control the meal then she can host and pay for it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

At a huge meal, you're not going to be able to please everybody, so you have 2 or 3 dishes that you know the kids will eat, and go to town with everything else. I don't understand why you couldn't come up with this simple solution on your own.

[not OP]

I don't understand how you can still think this is a simple solution to the actual problem that OP faces. Did you just skip reading the thread?

What a b1tch you are. I was not expecting the OP to be thread sitting and replying to every single post with new information (the most annoying kind of OP, btw), so I replied after page 2, but now that I've been through the whole thing, I still think this is the solution and OP's sister needs to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I make something normal, nothing crazy like liver or super spicy for example, then I expect my children to taste it. If they then don't like it, they are welcome to make themselves something to eat. I will not fix a second whole meal for them. I do have a child with allergies so if i want to have salmon for dinner, I will make a second meal for her of something they like.

Is that the same at holidays?

If it's pot luck, I will bring something my children will eat and something else more adventurous. I've gone to holiday/big family dinners where there was nothing for my kids to eat due to allergies and "strangeness" so I always come prepared. I never dictate the menu except when it's my Inlaws and request them to put aside a little bit of a certain item before they put seafood in it because my daughter loves that dish but can't have seafood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What a b1tch you are. I was not expecting the OP to be thread sitting and replying to every single post with new information (the most annoying kind of OP, btw), so I replied after page 2, but now that I've been through the whole thing, I still think this is the solution and OP's sister needs to deal with it.

It is the right solution but part of the solution is dealing with the other mom who is adamantly against this.

[Anonymous]

At holiday meals kids are like vegetarians. You make sure there's something there that they can eat, but the meal plan isn't planned around them.

I do not make my kids a spare meal, so they eat what is served or they do not eat. I always make sure there is something on their plate that they find palatable. And if they are REALLY hungry later in the evening I'll usually say yes to an apple. But I am not a short order cook. That said, on holidays I don't even monitor what they are putting in their mouth. As long as its not a swig of the irish cream then I could care less, they could eat their weight in pumpkin pie on thanksgiving and I'd give them a pat on the back. Holidays are for fun, not for rules (within reason)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand this clearly.
OP, who’s hosting and doing the cooking? You or the fussy relative?

We'll gather at a grandparent's house, but the grandparent isn't cooking. Each household will bring a few dishes. So, we're having discussions to make sure we aren't duplicating (e.g. 5 turkeys). So, the objections are coming up in that context.

She tells her kids that this isn't like a regular meal; it's like the cafeteria at school or going out to eat. They have to pick [whatever -- a protein, a vegetable, and a fruit?], and if they want to try some other things but it turns out they don't like them, that's fine. They only have to eat the protein, veg, and fruit they picked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What a b1tch you are. I was not expecting the OP to be thread sitting and replying to every single post with new information (the most annoying kind of OP, btw), so I replied after page 2, but now that I've been through the whole thing, I still think this is the solution and OP's sister needs to deal with it.

It is the right solution but part of the solution is dealing with the other mom who is adamantly against this.

The strategy is saying "Don't worry Jan, there will be several dishes that your kids will be able to eat"