Driving teenagers from a party to another house after they have been drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sad for parents who feel like they have to act okay with this.

Yeah, much better to punish them and ensure that next time, they get in the car drunk to avoid your wrath.

What's more likely to happen is that they'll get more trashed at the next party because they know OP will pick them up and bring them to another party.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised at the number of people okay with having drunk teens dropped off at their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid needs an Uber account with unlimited access when drinking.

No you can’t be liable. Don’t tell people you knew they were drinking.

Prosecutor: According to the ME, Larlo’s Blood Alcohol Level was 0.25 meaning he was already intoxicated when he got into your car an hour earlier. Karlo testified that Larlo stumbled getting into your car and had difficulty fastening his seat belt. Is it your contention that you failed to notice his impairment?

And, again, what would OP be liable for???
OP, I am with you. I drilled it into my kids’ heads that they were never to drive even if they had just one drink or to get into a car with someone who had been drinking. Each of them had one or two incidences of asking for a ride. Both are now in their late 20’s and rarely drink at all.

But when you went to pick them up, did you take them and their friends to another party and drop them off without telling anyone they were drinking and leave the rest of the night to chance?

Search this site for the tragic death of the boy who walked away from his friends after a party and died in the woods -- there were many adults those drunk kids encountered earlier in the night who could have prevented that death. "But hey, they weren't driving." They may not be liable, but they are living with their choice to let teens be drunk teens and the death it lead to.

Also ask yourself why the PP added the bolded.

[Anonymous]

So...your son doesn't sleep over at homes where you don't at all know the parents or have no way to reach them, right?

I think at the point of drop off you should have called the parents of the home where they were sleeping over and made sure the boys went to sleep and had no more access to alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid needs an Uber account with unlimited access when drinking.

No you can’t be liable. Don’t tell people you knew they were drinking.

Prosecutor: According to the ME, Larlo’s Blood Alcohol Level was 0.25 meaning he was already intoxicated when he got into your car an hour earlier. Karlo testified that Larlo stumbled getting into your car and had difficulty fastening his seat belt. Is it your contention that you failed to notice his impairment?

And the crime is…???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sad for parents who feel like they have to act okay with this.

Well, unless they ARE okay with it. If OP wants to turn a blind eye to the drinking, then turning a blind eye in the car would be the right play.

I’m sort of appalled at these kids. Don’t they have Uber? IMO if you’re old enough to drink, you should be old enough to safely sneak around. The “always call me” thing is for when you’re in trouble. It shouldn’t mean “don’t plan or take any responsibility for getting yourself around safely.” I would have taken them all home.

It's exactly what it is. OP's teen daughter admitted to drinking too, and OP is cool with it, accepting her lie. I suspect there's a history of alcoholism in OP's family, probably a parent given how desperate she is to please and has trouble establishing healthy boundaries.

Are we on the same post?

[Anonymous]

You can read about this case of a woman in Sykesville that allowed teens to drink and party at her house. Then the teens got into the back of a truck and had an accident, killing one. Apparently this was a common thing, she was the "party house".

https://www.baltimoresun.com/maryland/howard/bs-xpm-2010-12-22-bs-md-ho-stapf-drinking-trial-20101222-story.html

She didn't get charged (though she should have) but I hope that teen's death keeps her up at night. Not sure what happened with the civil suits the parents brought on her. Probably settled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...your son doesn't sleep over at homes where you don't at all know the parents or have no way to reach them, right?

I think at the point of drop off you should have called the parents of the home where they were sleeping over and made sure the boys went to sleep and had no more access to alcohol.

In this area, at that age, it is very likely that you don't all know the parents. My senior has friends from about 12 different schools. I've never meant half of the parents (especially of the kids he's become friends with during COVID). They are old enough to go camping by themselves. Kids this age go to beach week without parents. I'm not OK with that, but many parents are. We are well beyond the point at this age where I can insist on meeting the parents of a kid he's been good friends with for four years before he can do to their house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid needs an Uber account with unlimited access when drinking.

No you can’t be liable. Don’t tell people you knew they were drinking.

Prosecutor: According to the ME, Larlo’s Blood Alcohol Level was 0.25 meaning he was already intoxicated when he got into your car an hour earlier. Karlo testified that Larlo stumbled getting into your car and had difficulty fastening his seat belt. Is it your contention that you failed to notice his impairment?

And the crime is…???

I don't know she knowingly transported a drunk minor to a different party maybe negligience maybe contributing to deliquency of a minor. I don't know. I'm sure they can come up with something, especially if they go through text messages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel sad for parents who feel like they have to act okay with this.

Well, unless they ARE okay with it. If OP wants to turn a blind eye to the drinking, then turning a blind eye in the car would be the right play.

I’m sort of appalled at these kids. Don’t they have Uber? IMO if you’re old enough to drink, you should be old enough to safely sneak around. The “always call me” thing is for when you’re in trouble. It shouldn’t mean “don’t plan or take any responsibility for getting yourself around safely.” I would have taken them all home.

It's exactly what it is. OP's teen daughter admitted to drinking too, and OP is cool with it, accepting her lie. I suspect there's a history of alcoholism in OP's family, probably a parent given how desperate she is to please and has trouble establishing healthy boundaries.

Are we on the same post?

OP mentioned her slightly younger teen daughter earlier in the thread. Said they talk about drinking, and she said he teen tried it but told her she didn't like the taste, and OP believed that. ot saying thse needs to punish her kids, but she needs to pull her head out of the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can read about this case of a woman in Sykesville that allowed teens to drink and party at her house. Then the teens got into the back of a truck and had an accident, killing one. Apparently this was a common thing, she was the "party house".

https://www.baltimoresun.com/maryland/howard/bs-xpm-2010-12-22-bs-md-ho-stapf-drinking-trial-20101222-story.html

She didn't get charged (though she should have) but I hope that teen's death keeps her up at night. Not sure what happened with the civil suits the parents brought on her. Probably settled.

That was over a decade ago now, it's not likely the outcome would be the same today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. And I would just let it be. That way your DS will continue to call you in these situations. Otherwise he would be drinking and driving or getting into a car with someone who was drinking.

This.

If you notice he's drunk, then I'd have a talk with him about being a responsible drinker.

My friends and I put ourselves in SO many risky situations because none of us had a parent we could call. Picking the least drunk TEENAGE friend to drive is not a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised at the number of people okay with having drunk teens dropped off at their house.

+1 That's my biggest issue in all of this. I would have been fine with the boys calling and going to her house for the night and no more drinking. Bringing them to another party was irresponsible imo.


And another thing as a parent I'd want you to call me, especially if it happened more than once, not so I could punish my kid but so I could be on the lookout and possibly get them help before they end up with a problem with alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. And I would just let it be. That way your DS will continue to call you in these situations. Otherwise he would be drinking and driving or getting into a car with someone who was drinking.

This is what I would do. Calling each of their parents or taking them home will just mean you aren't the adult they call for a ride when they obviously shouldn't be driving. There is no pat answer to these situations, because they will be different each time. But my line in the sand is no drinking and driving. No weed and driving. And I'd talk to my son later about substance use later. You can't prevent it, especially at that age, but you can continue to guide them to make responsible choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So...your son doesn't sleep over at homes where you don't at all know the parents or have no way to reach them, right?

I think at the point of drop off you should have called the parents of the home where they were sleeping over and made sure the boys went to sleep and had no more access to alcohol.

In this area, at that age, it is very likely that you don't all know the parents. My senior has friends from about 12 different schools. I've never meant half of the parents (especially of the kids he's become friends with during COVID). They are old enough to go camping by themselves. Kids this age go to beach week without parents. I'm not OK with that, but many parents are. We are well beyond the point at this age where I can insist on meeting the parents of a kid he's been good friends with for four years before he can do to their house.

I'm not talking about "knowing" the parents. I make sure I at least text with every parent and verify the story my kid is giving me.

Hi, I'm Larla. My son Ralph let me know he'll be sleeping over at your home tonight. I wanted to be sure you are aware and there will be an adult in the house with them. Thanks!

So my future advice to OP is to at least do that. If my kid isn't willing to get the other kid's parent's contact info, he's not going. Too bad, so sad. He knows it's the deal and he provides the info.