Driving teenagers from a party to another house after they have been drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sad for parents who feel like they have to act okay with this.

Yeah, much better to punish them and ensure that next time, they get in the car drunk to avoid your wrath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start again, OP... You sound confused.

Sorry. I use voice text. Starting over. Last weekend, my son called me to pick him and his friends up from a party and then I drove them to another house where they spent the night. They were definitely tipsy. So in fact, I became like a designated driver. All the boys are 17 and have their own cars but they chose not to drive which is why they called me. After I dropped them off and came home I started thinking about it and wondered would I be liable for anything for driving them from the party to the other house. While they were tipsy, nobody appeared drunk or out of control. I have had Conversations with my son about drinking and he knows I prefer he does not, but as a senior in high school I realize that every once in a while he will have drinks. Definitely not every weekend. I stressed to him to not ever drink and drive, which is why I know he called me. I drove a group of boys not just him.

I did not drink when I was a senior in high school and it was because I knew my parents would not be ok with it. It’s not inevitable that teenagers drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start again, OP... You sound confused.

Sorry. I use voice text. Starting over. Last weekend, my son called me to pick him and his friends up from a party and then I drove them to another house where they spent the night. They were definitely tipsy. So in fact, I became like a designated driver. All the boys are 17 and have their own cars but they chose not to drive which is why they called me. After I dropped them off and came home I started thinking about it and wondered would I be liable for anything for driving them from the party to the other house. While they were tipsy, nobody appeared drunk or out of control. I have had Conversations with my son about drinking and he knows I prefer he does not, but as a senior in high school I realize that every once in a while he will have drinks. Definitely not every weekend. I stressed to him to not ever drink and drive, which is why I know he called me. I drove a group of boys not just him.

I did not drink when I was a senior in high school and it was because I knew my parents would not be ok with it. It’s not inevitable that teenagers drink.

For every one of you there is the opposite my parents were also very opposed to drinking, however I started drinking in high school, I was just very sneaky about it. I would go to parties and there was always alcohol available and I partook. Sadly, I know I drove drunk as a teen because I would’ve never called my parents because of how much trouble I would have gotten into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's true that you don't want to encourage secrecy, and you want them to trust you enough that they call you. At the same time, you don't want them drinking too much!

You're not in legal trouble, OP, since you don't have "evidence" they were drinking. No bottles, no vomit, no nothing. And police probably won't bother themselves for teens who drink quietly, don't wake up the neighbors, don't drive drunk and call their parent instead...

But I know how you feel. It's not *right*. At the same, good job parenting the child who called you

Thank you. I’ve always tried to be open. A few years ago at our high school a couple of seniors died in a car accident while driving drunk. I used that as a lesson and it appears it hit home. . I am now going to put the Uber app on his phone so I’m not in the situation again. I’d rather have an Uber pick him up than me, if it is a group.

You are both absolutely foolish to think nothing could happen to OP or the boys legally if heaven forbid something happened at the next party. Don't for a second think that the "tipsy" part wouldn't come out.

+1. When you dropped them off did you let the adult in charge know they were drunk. What if they kept drinking? Why do you assume this was their last stop? I’m not a free Uber service for drunk teens going from home party to party. That is effed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be congratulated on raising a conscientious son who didn’t get sloppy drunk, didn’t hang out with friends who did, didn’t drive drunk and trusted you enough to come pick them up. I hope my son would do the same. Good job Mom.

Agree with this. They did the right thing to call. And you weren't "Encouraging" it. You were taking them to a safe place to sleep over.

I"d want my kid to call me. And we'd have the "drinking" talk after. I'm not policing other kids in this situation.

The'll be in college soon so all of you acting like these are young kids -and thinking you have the same control - are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be congratulated on raising a conscientious son who didn’t get sloppy drunk, didn’t hang out with friends who did, didn’t drive drunk and trusted you enough to come pick them up. I hope my son would do the same. Good job Mom.

Agree with this. They did the right thing to call. And you weren't "Encouraging" it. You were taking them to a safe place to sleep over.

I"d want my kid to call me. And we'd have the "drinking" talk after. I'm not policing other kids in this situation.

The'll be in college soon so all of you acting like these are young kids -and thinking you have the same control - are crazy.

I agree.

Your kid called you. He trusted you. He made the right choice.

I would have a talk with him the next day though. And work out together what happened at the next party, what you could both do better next time.

You can’t guide them and influence their choices if they don’t tell you a damn thing. Which is where some of you seem to be determined to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would prefer that the teens called a parent like you then get into an Uber. Lots of criminal behavior happens with bad uber drivers or people who pretend to be uber drivers.

If it was a group of girls or your drunk daughter would you ask her to call an Uber or a parent?

Uber was fined $59 million bc of its sexual assault data. Thousands a year, I would not put an impaired teen ager in a gig car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be congratulated on raising a conscientious son who didn’t get sloppy drunk, didn’t hang out with friends who did, didn’t drive drunk and trusted you enough to come pick them up. I hope my son would do the same. Good job Mom.

Agree with this. They did the right thing to call. And you weren't "Encouraging" it. You were taking them to a safe place to sleep over.

I"d want my kid to call me. And we'd have the "drinking" talk after. I'm not policing other kids in this situation.

The'll be in college soon so all of you acting like these are young kids -and thinking you have the same control - are crazy.

+1 Agree! I think OP made the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. And I would just let it be. That way your DS will continue to call you in these situations. Otherwise he would be drinking and driving or getting into a car with someone who was drinking.

Agree - I see this as a parenting win. Your son called you for help instead of driving drunk himself.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it perfectly, OP. Our kids are going to drink. Whether it starts before or after 21, the vast majority of them are going to drink at some point. And as parents, what we need and should want to do is guide them on how to handle it responsibly. These boys had a few drinks, but they didn’t get wasted. They used good judgment to recognize none of them should be getting in a car with an impaired driver, so they reached out for a safe ride. If you had punished them for it, all that would have done would make them more secretive (which can lead to more trouble), and would have discouraged them fe reaching out in the future if they need help (especially if they end up in a situation wherein get really need help). If you’re more comfortable having them call an Uber in the future for this kind of situation, giving that option is a good idea because it helps remind them of all of the alternatives to drunk driving that are available to them.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you needed to overreact but you should have driven them to their homes, not to another party. Yes you could be liable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you needed to overreact but you should have driven them to their homes, not to another party. Yes you could be liable.

But liable for what? She served them no alcohol. If an Uber car drove them, is the Uber driver liable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you needed to overreact but you should have driven them to their homes, not to another party. Yes you could be liable.

There is absolutely nothing for her to be held liable for here. She didn’t serve them drinks, and they weren’t drinking in her presence. She took them to a safe place to sleep it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid needs an Uber account with unlimited access when drinking.

No you can’t be liable. Don’t tell people you knew they were drinking.

Prosecutor: According to the ME, Larlo’s Blood Alcohol Level was 0.25 meaning he was already intoxicated when he got into your car an hour earlier. Karlo testified that Larlo stumbled getting into your car and had difficulty fastening his seat belt. Is it your contention that you failed to notice his impairment?

[Anonymous]

Did you collect all their car keys?
Did you tell the parents at the house where you dropped them off?
Were there sober and aware adults at the house where you left the impaired teenagers?

The missing piece here is that just getting him to call instead of drive is a win, but not the end game. They call you so you can get them home safely and praise them for calling.

This isn't about "punishing them" as other posters are saying. But when you left them, they were impaired and not safely home. This is why you are feeling uneasy and asking if you did the right thing. Your gut is telling you you didn't. Why is that? Were you up all night hoping they stayed where you left them and didn't drink more?

So, they weren't all safely home, and you dumped a liability onto the other parents without telling them. Were they even home? Anything could have happened after that, and you were the adult in charge who could have prevented it. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think you already know this is why you are feeling uneasy.