Broke off an affair. Going through depression

[Anonymous]

You should just do what my husband did - keep contacting her secretly. Keep lying. Keep going until you destroy every shred of trust your wife has for you.

I kicked my husband out. He and his "soulmate" were broken up within two months. Because of their epic undying love, they took down two marriages. Now four children under age 7 have to deal with divorced parents and custody schedules. Ex-husband is on his fourth "love of his life." My kids are just collateral damage to his dating life.

So please do keep pouting on the couch about a woman you texted for only three months and never slept with!? Go to therapy. Read about how to fix your marriage. Or get out, keep going after the wrong things, and leave your poor devastated wife to find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I dont expect sympathy. I am pos and a coward.
The woman is a friend's wife, not a good friend, more like an acquaintance. We just got a long. It started with texting and then a kiss. We were both hesistant since we didn't want this to spiral out of control. But 3 months into it, I couldnt go a day without texting or calling her.
We never had sex mainly because we couldn't find the time since we both work from home.

Her husband found an intimate message after she left her phone in the kitchen. and the next thing I received was a call from him. She texted me after saying she can't continue this and blocked me. It's been a week and I still feel like shit.
My wife of course hates me, can't believe id do that and have a crush on someone. The sad part is that i'm more annoyed at myself for getting caught knowing it was a bad time to text and I go through the scenario in my head over and over again.

The thing I will never understand is how anyone in this situation does not know how to handle their texts and phone. Obviously you silence the alerts and lock your phone, clean up any back ups, and just control your sh*t. Otherwise be in an open situation. It is so simple that I have to think you are basically subconsciously wanting to get caught and create a stir if you don’t do this.

OP yes you f’d up, on multiple levels. You should have decided what you wanted and gotten in accordingly. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too, it doesn’t work that way. Now your wife is never going to trust you again and this other relationship is going down the drain. You need to get clear on what you want here.

I thought this too when I had an affair while getting out of a domestic violence situation. Was very careful. The AP was much less careful and I could not comprehend why. He was caught and I could only conclude that he wanted his wife to know so that there would be honesty. She said stop and he refused to stop. Later I realized that by not lying he was leaving the door open to return to their marriage. I am now divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You never even had sex. JFC

This. Get a grip, teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I dont expect sympathy. I am pos and a coward.
The woman is a friend's wife, not a good friend, more like an acquaintance. We just got a long. It started with texting and then a kiss. We were both hesistant since we didn't want this to spiral out of control. But 3 months into it, I couldnt go a day without texting or calling her.
We never had sex mainly because we couldn't find the time since we both work from home.

Her husband found an intimate message after she left her phone in the kitchen. and the next thing I received was a call from him. She texted me after saying she can't continue this and blocked me. It's been a week and I still feel like shit.
My wife of course hates me, can't believe id do that and have a crush on someone. The sad part is that i'm more annoyed at myself for getting caught knowing it was a bad time to text and I go through the scenario in my head over and over again.

The thing I will never understand is how anyone in this situation does not know how to handle their texts and phone. Obviously you silence the alerts and lock your phone, clean up any back ups, and just control your sh*t. Otherwise be in an open situation. It is so simple that I have to think you are basically subconsciously wanting to get caught and create a stir if you don’t do this.

OP yes you f’d up, on multiple levels. You should have decided what you wanted and gotten in accordingly. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too, it doesn’t work that way. Now your wife is never going to trust you again and this other relationship is going down the drain. You need to get clear on what you want here.

I thought this too when I had an affair while getting out of a domestic violence situation. Was very careful. The AP was much less careful and I could not comprehend why. He was caught and I could only conclude that he wanted his wife to know so that there would be honesty. She said stop and he refused to stop. Later I realized that by not lying he was leaving the door open to return to their marriage. I am now divorced.

Ugh I know… but what marriage is there to go back to after the trust has been broken? Maybe this was like his way of rubbing his wife’s face in the fact that he thought their marriage was over?

[Anonymous]

Well you're a loser. Man up and get off the couch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, no cheater is going to win any character awards, but you are really low - your AP was a friend’s wife, and when caught all you moan about is YOUR feelings? You seriously destroyed another marriage (even if it survives) and your own wife, and express zero remorse for your friend, your own wife or any of your sh!tty decisions and actions? Even your AP seemed to immediately snap back to reality when caught. You REALLY need therapy and to find empathy and remorse.

FFS he didn’t destroy anything they didn’t even have sex. This is all so immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I dont expect sympathy. I am pos and a coward.
The woman is a friend's wife, not a good friend, more like an acquaintance. We just got a long. It started with texting and then a kiss. We were both hesistant since we didn't want this to spiral out of control. But 3 months into it, I couldnt go a day without texting or calling her.
We never had sex mainly because we couldn't find the time since we both work from home.

Her husband found an intimate message after she left her phone in the kitchen. and the next thing I received was a call from him. She texted me after saying she can't continue this and blocked me. It's been a week and I still feel like shit.
My wife of course hates me, can't believe id do that and have a crush on someone. The sad part is that i'm more annoyed at myself for getting caught knowing it was a bad time to text and I go through the scenario in my head over and over again.

The thing I will never understand is how anyone in this situation does not know how to handle their texts and phone. Obviously you silence the alerts and lock your phone, clean up any back ups, and just control your sh*t. Otherwise be in an open situation. It is so simple that I have to think you are basically subconsciously wanting to get caught and create a stir if you don’t do this.

OP yes you f’d up, on multiple levels. You should have decided what you wanted and gotten in accordingly. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too, it doesn’t work that way. Now your wife is never going to trust you again and this other relationship is going down the drain. You need to get clear on what you want here.

I thought this too when I had an affair while getting out of a domestic violence situation. Was very careful. The AP was much less careful and I could not comprehend why. He was caught and I could only conclude that he wanted his wife to know so that there would be honesty. She said stop and he refused to stop. Later I realized that by not lying he was leaving the door open to return to their marriage. I am now divorced.

Ugh I know… but what marriage is there to go back to after the trust has been broken? Maybe this was like his way of rubbing his wife’s face in the fact that he thought their marriage was over?

PP here and he is just extremely loveable and I think she was able to forgive him. They are both pretty psychologically minded and I’m sure went through a lot to work it out enough to repair the marriage sufficiently. They are both devoted parents and a great parenting team and very much still together for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, no cheater is going to win any character awards, but you are really low - your AP was a friend’s wife, and when caught all you moan about is YOUR feelings? You seriously destroyed another marriage (even if it survives) and your own wife, and express zero remorse for your friend, your own wife or any of your sh!tty decisions and actions? Even your AP seemed to immediately snap back to reality when caught. You REALLY need therapy and to find empathy and remorse.

FFS he didn’t destroy anything they didn’t even have sex. This is all so immature.

I’m guessing you are a guy? This isn’t how women see it.

[Anonymous]

^I do think it was very much about rubbing it in her face I’m not sure why. She is pretty astute so maybe this was his way of declaring freedom from / retaliating against her ability to see through him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting over my affair was the hardest breakup I had to get over. I never actually did. I understand being depressed and I empathize. I definitely was depressed. It lasted a long time.

Going on twelve years here of not being over it.

Sorry,I'm sorry. Are you OK?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, no cheater is going to win any character awards, but you are really low - your AP was a friend’s wife, and when caught all you moan about is YOUR feelings? You seriously destroyed another marriage (even if it survives) and your own wife, and express zero remorse for your friend, your own wife or any of your sh!tty decisions and actions? Even your AP seemed to immediately snap back to reality when caught. You REALLY need therapy and to find empathy and remorse.

FFS he didn’t destroy anything they didn’t even have sex. This is all so immature.

I’m guessing you are a guy? This isn’t how women see it.

I’m a woman actually. Of course it’s a problem, but if there was no physical relationship the issue is a much less bigger deal. He is immature and a loser but this need not destroy both marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, no cheater is going to win any character awards, but you are really low - your AP was a friend’s wife, and when caught all you moan about is YOUR feelings? You seriously destroyed another marriage (even if it survives) and your own wife, and express zero remorse for your friend, your own wife or any of your sh!tty decisions and actions? Even your AP seemed to immediately snap back to reality when caught. You REALLY need therapy and to find empathy and remorse.

FFS he didn’t destroy anything they didn’t even have sex. This is all so immature.

I’m guessing you are a guy? This isn’t how women see it.

I’m a woman actually. Of course it’s a problem, but if there was no physical relationship the issue is a much less bigger deal. He is immature and a loser but this need not destroy both marriages.

Immature and loser really describes someone who I will love and respect for the rest of my days. Sure, his wife probably won’t divorce him over this. But if she has a shred of self respect it will definitely change the way she sees him pretty much forever.

[Anonymous]

My advice to OP is to see a counselor and never return to DCUM again. It won’t help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, no cheater is going to win any character awards, but you are really low - your AP was a friend’s wife, and when caught all you moan about is YOUR feelings? You seriously destroyed another marriage (even if it survives) and your own wife, and express zero remorse for your friend, your own wife or any of your sh!tty decisions and actions? Even your AP seemed to immediately snap back to reality when caught. You REALLY need therapy and to find empathy and remorse.

FFS he didn’t destroy anything they didn’t even have sex. This is all so immature.

I’m guessing you are a guy? This isn’t how women see it.

I’m a woman actually. Of course it’s a problem, but if there was no physical relationship the issue is a much less bigger deal. He is immature and a loser but this need not destroy both marriages.

Interesting, I think this is how most men would view it. No sex so no major betrayal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting over my affair was the hardest breakup I had to get over. I never actually did. I understand being depressed and I empathize. I definitely was depressed. It lasted a long time.

Going on twelve years here of not being over it.

Sorry,I'm sorry. Are you OK?

Honestly no. Have not loved anyone like that before or since and have remained faithful to him the entire time, even in his absence.