Broke off an affair. Going through depression

[Anonymous]

FFS. Don't have an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It absolutely kills especially since there is no closure. Her husband would divorce if she makes any contact. My wife also knows.
But it kills. We would speak daily and there is this big void in my life.
I don’t know how to move on. I know I messed up and owe my wife an apology but I’m also depressed and can’t move from the couch.

You owe your wife more than just an apology.

Why was there no closure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you leave your wife for her?

This is my question, OP. Please answer it.

[Anonymous]

Do you love her? Does she love you? If so why are you not together? Honest question. Because therein lies your answer. Why exactly did you break it off?

[Anonymous]

Getting over my affair was the hardest breakup I had to get over. I never actually did. I understand being depressed and I empathize. I definitely was depressed. It lasted a long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn’t you leave your wife for her?

This is my question, OP. Please answer it.

I think that the AP is married and doesn’t want to leave her spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting over my affair was the hardest breakup I had to get over. I never actually did. I understand being depressed and I empathize. I definitely was depressed. It lasted a long time.

Going on twelve years here of not being over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting over my affair was the hardest breakup I had to get over. I never actually did. I understand being depressed and I empathize. I definitely was depressed. It lasted a long time.

+1 never physical but the heartbreak of leaving someone never went away and made me question my marriage. Everyone deserves to be happy.
If you really love her, please make the decision to leave so that your wife can be happy too.

[Anonymous]

Affairs aren't real. Google limerance. Your brain is going through withdrawal, and it actually activates the same portion of the brain as withdrawal from narcotics. It will hurt and be miserable for awhile. But it gets easier, and soon you will be able to putit into perspective.

But you have no right to mope around. You have no right to expect patience or sympathy for what you are going through. Affairs are severe forms of emotional abuse, and the epitome of selfishness. You hurt people, and no one will feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affairs aren't real. Google limerance. Your brain is going through withdrawal, and it actually activates the same portion of the brain as withdrawal from narcotics. It will hurt and be miserable for awhile. But it gets easier, and soon you will be able to putit into perspective.

But you have no right to mope around. You have no right to expect patience or sympathy for what you are going through. Affairs are severe forms of emotional abuse, and the epitome of selfishness. You hurt people, and no one will feel sorry for you.

The latter two things are true but the pain is still real. You can’t expect to be comforted but any couples therapist will tell you that the grief of the betraying spouse is real and part of the recovery.

[Anonymous]

OP here
I dont expect sympathy. I am pos and a coward.
The woman is a friend's wife, not a good friend, more like an acquaintance. We just got a long. It started with texting and then a kiss. We were both hesistant since we didn't want this to spiral out of control. But 3 months into it, I couldnt go a day without texting or calling her.
We never had sex mainly because we couldn't find the time since we both work from home.

Her husband found an intimate message after she left her phone in the kitchen. and the next thing I received was a call from him. She texted me after saying she can't continue this and blocked me. It's been a week and I still feel like shit.
My wife of course hates me, can't believe id do that and have a crush on someone. The sad part is that i'm more annoyed at myself for getting caught knowing it was a bad time to text and I go through the scenario in my head over and over again.

[Anonymous]

Lowlife loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for therapy. Really, it will help.

No, it will not. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

This isn't true. PEople cheat for different reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I dont expect sympathy. I am pos and a coward.
The woman is a friend's wife, not a good friend, more like an acquaintance. We just got a long. It started with texting and then a kiss. We were both hesistant since we didn't want this to spiral out of control. But 3 months into it, I couldnt go a day without texting or calling her.
We never had sex mainly because we couldn't find the time since we both work from home.

Her husband found an intimate message after she left her phone in the kitchen. and the next thing I received was a call from him. She texted me after saying she can't continue this and blocked me. It's been a week and I still feel like shit.
My wife of course hates me, can't believe id do that and have a crush on someone. The sad part is that i'm more annoyed at myself for getting caught knowing it was a bad time to text and I go through the scenario in my head over and over again.

Honestly. This seems survivable, But you have some major work to do on yourself and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here
I dont expect sympathy. I am pos and a coward.
The woman is a friend's wife, not a good friend, more like an acquaintance. We just got a long. It started with texting and then a kiss. We were both hesistant since we didn't want this to spiral out of control. But 3 months into it, I couldnt go a day without texting or calling her.
We never had sex mainly because we couldn't find the time since we both work from home.

Her husband found an intimate message after she left her phone in the kitchen. and the next thing I received was a call from him. She texted me after saying she can't continue this and blocked me. It's been a week and I still feel like shit.
My wife of course hates me, can't believe id do that and have a crush on someone. The sad part is that i'm more annoyed at myself for getting caught knowing it was a bad time to text and I go through the scenario in my head over and over again.

The thing I will never understand is how anyone in this situation does not know how to handle their texts and phone. Obviously you silence the alerts and lock your phone, clean up any back ups, and just control your sh*t. Otherwise be in an open situation. It is so simple that I have to think you are basically subconsciously wanting to get caught and create a stir if you don’t do this.

OP yes you f’d up, on multiple levels. You should have decided what you wanted and gotten in accordingly. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too, it doesn’t work that way. Now your wife is never going to trust you again and this other relationship is going down the drain. You need to get clear on what you want here.