Broke off an affair. Going through depression

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, i bet the OW is regretting the heck out of this.

Not as much as the wife!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is clearly a troll.

+1

[Anonymous]

Not a troll. This is an anonymous board and I’m just telling people how I feel. Sorry for being honest. Sorry I miss her and feel like shit about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. This is an anonymous board and I’m just telling people how I feel. Sorry for being honest. Sorry I miss her and feel like shit about it.

If you stopped getting attention for a minute — including negative attention here — you would actually have to sit with the feelings of hollowness and shame that started this, and I have a feeling you don’t want to. But I think you can be better than this. OP, please get off DCUM and get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is depressed he didn’t get to have sex with her. I mean you keep this up for a while suddenly you find yourself in bed. The OP though seems to have been more interested in validation. Like he was missing a lot from life and she gave him something extra. This is really a sad human being

I'm the PP who asked OP what closure looks like to him. I didn't get an answer but my guess was "closure" meant "sex." OP can't handle the fact that he never got to have sex with his AP.

I think closure for OP would be this affair running its course until he ended it on his own terms. He lacks closure because someone else ended it suddenly, while he was still enjoying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is depressed he didn’t get to have sex with her. I mean you keep this up for a while suddenly you find yourself in bed. The OP though seems to have been more interested in validation. Like he was missing a lot from life and she gave him something extra. This is really a sad human being

I'm the PP who asked OP what closure looks like to him. I didn't get an answer but my guess was "closure" meant "sex." OP can't handle the fact that he never got to have sex with his AP.

I think closure for OP would be this affair running its course until he ended it on his own terms. He lacks closure because someone else ended it suddenly, while he was still enjoying it.

Yeah. I can see that. He wanted to see how much more fun he could have until it became no more fun. Also the fact that he caused the end of it. Poor guy. I feel sorry for him. His wife has a real gem at home.

[Anonymous]

Closure...if she doesn't get back to you at some point when the coast is clear. Write her a letter. You don't need to send it. But it's cathartic.
I did that with a woman that I dated for 2 years and she just up and dumped me from one day to the next and deleted my existence and moved away a week later.
It broke my heart. It took me months to get back to normal until a friend suggested a write a letter. I wrote 10 letters and never sent one but it helped so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Closure...if she doesn't get back to you at some point when the coast is clear. Write her a letter. You don't need to send it. But it's cathartic.
I did that with a woman that I dated for 2 years and she just up and dumped me from one day to the next and deleted my existence and moved away a week later.
It broke my heart. It took me months to get back to normal until a friend suggested a write a letter. I wrote 10 letters and never sent one but it helped so much.

Just to be clear: OP said the woman told him not to contact her. So definitely don’t send any such letters.

PP, If either or both of you were married, the woman didn’t just harshly abandon you. She wised up to the fact she should not have been doing that in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closure...if she doesn't get back to you at some point when the coast is clear. Write her a letter. You don't need to send it. But it's cathartic.
I did that with a woman that I dated for 2 years and she just up and dumped me from one day to the next and deleted my existence and moved away a week later.
It broke my heart. It took me months to get back to normal until a friend suggested a write a letter. I wrote 10 letters and never sent one but it helped so much.

Just to be clear: OP said the woman told him not to contact her. So definitely don’t send any such letters.

PP, If either or both of you were married, the woman didn’t just harshly abandon you. She wised up to the fact she should not have been doing that in the first place.

This. She already gave him closure. She said she was ending it and not to contact her. She gets it. He does not. He’s is a loser. She is a normal person who made a mistake and regretted it, but still treated OP respectfully. OP, it is OVER. Go back to your life and salvage what you can.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t sound any different to a regular break up. You talk to someone daily for months and then you stop. You miss them. You want to tell them everything that’s happened but you can’t.
But like most things, time will heal that wound. He’s weaning himself off her. The thoughts will subside with time.

[Anonymous]

My three theories:

1. You have written this post, with all the identifying details, in hopes that the OW will find it and contact you once she sees how sad and devoted you are to her, and how indifferent you are to your actual wife.

2. You intentionally contacted her when she told you not to because you thought you could force the issue between her and her husband, and you thought she might choose you if it were out in the open.

3. You are a troll.

[Anonymous]

Two things, OP:

1) Therapy. Get it now. Individual therapy at first, then couples if your wife will agree. The way you feel now will not be the way you feel in time, but only if you commit to getting better and being better.

2) It hurts. I know. But you CANNOT push that onto your wife. She shouldn't have to bear any of the burden of your sadness. Feel sad, but handle your sh!t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t sound any different to a regular break up. You talk to someone daily for months and then you stop. You miss them. You want to tell them everything that’s happened but you can’t.
But like most things, time will heal that wound. He’s weaning himself off her. The thoughts will subside with time.

Tell that to his wife!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t sound any different to a regular break up. You talk to someone daily for months and then you stop. You miss them. You want to tell them everything that’s happened but you can’t.
But like most things, time will heal that wound. He’s weaning himself off her. The thoughts will subside with time.

Tell that to his wife!!

Agreed--the fact that he was married to someone other than the person the break up was with changes so much.

In a "regular" break up you can ask for sympathy and you'll get it from your friends, support system. In this case what you were doing would be considered wrong by %99.9 of the people and you aren't going to find the sympathy you seek.