55 y.o. Female - no desire to date, what’s my problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As with most things, it's not a problem unless it's a problem.

I would just enjoy your other relationships, maybe stay open to the possibility that you'll meet someone at work or socially, but no need to put yourself through the online dating ringer if you're not enjoying it.

Honestly, I'm amazed that couples manage to get together later in life. At that point, you are so set in your ways and you don't care what people think. It's hard to imagine making the compromises and accommodations needed to be in a marriage (or marriage-type) relationship, with someone who is equally set in their ways

True. I can't imagine being in love with a new person anymore, and can't imagine why an older man would be in love with me. I am so toughened up compared with my young idealistic self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were socialized to believe that a good life included being coupled up. Many of us have come to the realization that being a couple sucks. I think perhaps 20% of my married friends are still married and happy. Most are just not happy, many are divorced a few widowed.

Very few really want to remarry.

It was not all the great even having a partner during the raising of the kids age. Men are not helpful, they become just another child and we would rather vacation with a friend and their kids.

The whole marriage thing is a sham, congrats you "won the game".

My uncle is 80, and keeps a stable of about four girlfriends at a time. Those women are always pressuring him to get married.

A friend retired and moved to the Villages. He said whenever a single man moves in there, a dozen old ladies all pounce.

Yes, in retirement communities and assisted living facilities there are like 12 women for every man. Because the rest of the men are dead already. Which is pretty depressing, if you're a man.

It's not depressing at all. The dead men are in Heaven banging hot, young women.

Haha...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were socialized to believe that a good life included being coupled up. Many of us have come to the realization that being a couple sucks. I think perhaps 20% of my married friends are still married and happy. Most are just not happy, many are divorced a few widowed.

Very few really want to remarry.

It was not all the great even having a partner during the raising of the kids age. Men are not helpful, they become just another child and we would rather vacation with a friend and their kids.

The whole marriage thing is a sham, congrats you "won the game".

My uncle is 80, and keeps a stable of about four girlfriends at a time. Those women are always pressuring him to get married.

A friend retired and moved to the Villages. He said whenever a single man moves in there, a dozen old ladies all pounce.

So they attract women who want a meal ticket. Congratulation! Why can't they attract women with means?

Where did you get the idea they are after him for his money?

Most likely those women have more money than him, because they have their dead husband's money as well as their own.

They mainly want a man who is alive. Such men are in increasingly short supply after age 65...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so effing depressing.

np I think it is more depressing when women are stuck with men who are terrible partners.

And the women that aren't divorced but remain partnered and drag down their own marriages for all these same reasons should just get divorced because they are terrible partners also.

Yes, both side should feel liberated.

[Anonymous]

The dead men are in Heaven banging hot, young women.

These are the spirits of hot, young women, who alas were mortal sinners, and their Hell is to spend all eternity banging the spirits of old men...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were socialized to believe that a good life included being coupled up. Many of us have come to the realization that being a couple sucks. I think perhaps 20% of my married friends are still married and happy. Most are just not happy, many are divorced a few widowed.

Very few really want to remarry.

It was not all the great even having a partner during the raising of the kids age. Men are not helpful, they become just another child and we would rather vacation with a friend and their kids.

The whole marriage thing is a sham, congrats you "won the game".

My uncle is 80, and keeps a stable of about four girlfriends at a time. Those women are always pressuring him to get married.

A friend retired and moved to the Villages. He said whenever a single man moves in there, a dozen old ladies all pounce.

So they attract women who want a meal ticket. Congratulation! Why can't they attract women with means?

Where did you get the idea they are after him for his money?

Most likely those women have more money than him, because they have their dead husband's money as well as their own.

They mainly want a man who is alive. Such men are in increasingly short supply after age 65...

Google: time to start a new business providing companionship LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in this age range and I completely disagree with most of the posters here.

I think having a companion and partner is one of the greatest joys of life, and definitely worth seeking. It doesn’t have to be a marriage, but the intimacy of a relationship with a man gives me so much more than the friendship that I have with women.

I think women’s declining libido is mostly related to their boredom with their spouse. The impact of menopause and sex drive is overrated, and closely related to women’s boredom. I know many menopausal women who have active sex lives, and the ones who do are into their partners or dating.

Sex and intimacy with a partner is so, so much better than with yourself. Sorry it is just so much better than doing it solo.

Relationships bring a lot of disappointments and heartbreak. But they are also what make life living for. I have a lot of other things in my life, but I will always want a partner to share my life with. I’ve been married for 25 years and these are some of my observations.

You literally "disagree" with people because you have had the opposite experience from most women replying to this thread. Your empathy is missing, I think? Did you think that your story about your good partner and good marriage would help explain how posters, who are single and divorced, feel? Or was just an excuse to brag? Weird. Yes, masturbation is different from sex. Its as different from sex with a new partner/dating in midlife, as your sex with your husband of 25 years is too, so lets not compare apples to apples when you urge women to feel like second class citizens for enjoying masturbating, as that just pushes shame and drives women back into bad relationships.

+1 The PP's comment is not at all helpful. She has a completely different experience. And apparently, she can't imagine other people's lives. Of course she things relationships are worth living for!!! She has been happily married for 25 years!! However, for many women, relationships have brought awful consquences and were not fulfilling...which is something apparently she can't understand. She should not have posted.

Seriously, PP, how could you post something so callous. Obviously sex with the man you married before you were thirty and raised a family with and continue to love is different from women divorced in midlife and dealing with trying to form something whole from the broken pieces that are out there to work with. Congratulations on being happy now go back to your completely irrelevant to this discussion reality.

Sheesh. This website needs a bitter divorced women self help forum. Anyone -- man or woman -- who doesn't think men are terrible and marriage is nothing but a drag gets the old bitters are riled up and out in force.

Yes, the PP was disagreeing with all the people who say that relationships are not worth it and that self love is an adequate substitute. That's the subject of thread. She is not required to empathize with people who made bad relationship choices.

OP is not divorced… are you in the right thread?

I was talking about the chorus of women shouting down the poster who dared to talk about a different experience with relationships.

[Anonymous]

“Old bitters”

File next to: cat lady. Fat. Dried up. Crazy.

Yawn.

[Anonymous]

I know a few middle age women who professed to having given up on men for many good reasons. Then one day they meet someone and voila!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in this age range and I completely disagree with most of the posters here.

I think having a companion and partner is one of the greatest joys of life, and definitely worth seeking. It doesn’t have to be a marriage, but the intimacy of a relationship with a man gives me so much more than the friendship that I have with women.

I think women’s declining libido is mostly related to their boredom with their spouse. The impact of menopause and sex drive is overrated, and closely related to women’s boredom. I know many menopausal women who have active sex lives, and the ones who do are into their partners or dating.

Sex and intimacy with a partner is so, so much better than with yourself. Sorry it is just so much better than doing it solo.

Relationships bring a lot of disappointments and heartbreak. But they are also what make life living for. I have a lot of other things in my life, but I will always want a partner to share my life with. I’ve been married for 25 years and these are some of my observations.

You literally "disagree" with people because you have had the opposite experience from most women replying to this thread. Your empathy is missing, I think? Did you think that your story about your good partner and good marriage would help explain how posters, who are single and divorced, feel? Or was just an excuse to brag? Weird. Yes, masturbation is different from sex. Its as different from sex with a new partner/dating in midlife, as your sex with your husband of 25 years is too, so lets not compare apples to apples when you urge women to feel like second class citizens for enjoying masturbating, as that just pushes shame and drives women back into bad relationships.

+1 The PP's comment is not at all helpful. She has a completely different experience. And apparently, she can't imagine other people's lives. Of course she things relationships are worth living for!!! She has been happily married for 25 years!! However, for many women, relationships have brought awful consquences and were not fulfilling...which is something apparently she can't understand. She should not have posted.

NP I do not understand why those prefer to alone have the sole voice of truth or authenticity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in this age range and I completely disagree with most of the posters here.

I think having a companion and partner is one of the greatest joys of life, and definitely worth seeking. It doesn’t have to be a marriage, but the intimacy of a relationship with a man gives me so much more than the friendship that I have with women.

I think women’s declining libido is mostly related to their boredom with their spouse. The impact of menopause and sex drive is overrated, and closely related to women’s boredom. I know many menopausal women who have active sex lives, and the ones who do are into their partners or dating.

Sex and intimacy with a partner is so, so much better than with yourself. Sorry it is just so much better than doing it solo.

Relationships bring a lot of disappointments and heartbreak. But they are also what make life living for. I have a lot of other things in my life, but I will always want a partner to share my life with. I’ve been married for 25 years and these are some of my observations.

You literally "disagree" with people because you have had the opposite experience from most women replying to this thread. Your empathy is missing, I think? Did you think that your story about your good partner and good marriage would help explain how posters, who are single and divorced, feel? Or was just an excuse to brag? Weird. Yes, masturbation is different from sex. Its as different from sex with a new partner/dating in midlife, as your sex with your husband of 25 years is too, so lets not compare apples to apples when you urge women to feel like second class citizens for enjoying masturbating, as that just pushes shame and drives women back into bad relationships.

Pp here. Marriage has had tons of issues and we’ve almost split up several times. I still think the way I do and if I got divorced would not give up on men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were socialized to believe that a good life included being coupled up. Many of us have come to the realization that being a couple sucks. I think perhaps 20% of my married friends are still married and happy. Most are just not happy, many are divorced a few widowed.

Very few really want to remarry.

It was not all the great even having a partner during the raising of the kids age. Men are not helpful, they become just another child and we would rather vacation with a friend and their kids.

The whole marriage thing is a sham, congrats you "won the game".

My uncle is 80, and keeps a stable of about four girlfriends at a time. Those women are always pressuring him to get married.

A friend retired and moved to the Villages. He said whenever a single man moves in there, a dozen old ladies all pounce.

So they attract women who want a meal ticket. Congratulation! Why can't they attract women with means?

Where did you get the idea they are after him for his money?

Most likely those women have more money than him, because they have their dead husband's money as well as their own.

They mainly want a man who is alive. Such men are in increasingly short supply after age 65...

It is true my uncle has a lot of money. My friend is a minor celebrity, good-looking, and also well-off. Neither of them are dumb enough to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in this age range and I completely disagree with most of the posters here.

I think having a companion and partner is one of the greatest joys of life, and definitely worth seeking. It doesn’t have to be a marriage, but the intimacy of a relationship with a man gives me so much more than the friendship that I have with women.

I think women’s declining libido is mostly related to their boredom with their spouse. The impact of menopause and sex drive is overrated, and closely related to women’s boredom. I know many menopausal women who have active sex lives, and the ones who do are into their partners or dating.

Sex and intimacy with a partner is so, so much better than with yourself. Sorry it is just so much better than doing it solo.

Relationships bring a lot of disappointments and heartbreak. But they are also what make life living for. I have a lot of other things in my life, but I will always want a partner to share my life with. I’ve been married for 25 years and these are some of my observations.

You literally "disagree" with people because you have had the opposite experience from most women replying to this thread. Your empathy is missing, I think? Did you think that your story about your good partner and good marriage would help explain how posters, who are single and divorced, feel? Or was just an excuse to brag? Weird. Yes, masturbation is different from sex. Its as different from sex with a new partner/dating in midlife, as your sex with your husband of 25 years is too, so lets not compare apples to apples when you urge women to feel like second class citizens for enjoying masturbating, as that just pushes shame and drives women back into bad relationships.

Pp here. Marriage has had tons of issues and we’ve almost split up several times. I still think the way I do and if I got divorced would not give up on men.

Oh goodness! You must have misunderstood my previous posts. I LOVE men. I love sex! I don't love marriage or big lifetime commitments or cohabitating. But honey, I love men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 60’s and I adore my husband and we still have a very good sex life. But I can understand not wanting to start over with someone else as I think there is more downside than upside. I can’t imagine finding someone equal or better. I have three children and 10 grandchildren who give me the love I need and I have a very busy life separate from my married life. Sex? I really enjoy it because it’s a wonderful connection with my husband but it isn’t an itch that needs to be scratched absent my husband.

Well, this question has nothing to do with you. Good on yah for having such a lovely, satisfying life of emotional sex and loads of adoring grandchildren. Not very nice of you to trot it all out in a humblebrag, however. Ugh. Hop in your Volvo station wagon with your golden retrievers and picnic basket and move along...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in this age range and I completely disagree with most of the posters here.

I think having a companion and partner is one of the greatest joys of life, and definitely worth seeking. It doesn’t have to be a marriage, but the intimacy of a relationship with a man gives me so much more than the friendship that I have with women.

I think women’s declining libido is mostly related to their boredom with their spouse. The impact of menopause and sex drive is overrated, and closely related to women’s boredom. I know many menopausal women who have active sex lives, and the ones who do are into their partners or dating.

Sex and intimacy with a partner is so, so much better than with yourself. Sorry it is just so much better than doing it solo.

Relationships bring a lot of disappointments and heartbreak. But they are also what make life living for. I have a lot of other things in my life, but I will always want a partner to share my life with. I’ve been married for 25 years and these are some of my observations.

You literally "disagree" with people because you have had the opposite experience from most women replying to this thread. Your empathy is missing, I think? Did you think that your story about your good partner and good marriage would help explain how posters, who are single and divorced, feel? Or was just an excuse to brag? Weird. Yes, masturbation is different from sex. Its as different from sex with a new partner/dating in midlife, as your sex with your husband of 25 years is too, so lets not compare apples to apples when you urge women to feel like second class citizens for enjoying masturbating, as that just pushes shame and drives women back into bad relationships.

+1 The PP's comment is not at all helpful. She has a completely different experience. And apparently, she can't imagine other people's lives. Of course she things relationships are worth living for!!! She has been happily married for 25 years!! However, for many women, relationships have brought awful consquences and were not fulfilling...which is something apparently she can't understand. She should not have posted.

NP I do not understand why those prefer to alone have the sole voice of truth or authenticity.

She is not in a position to understand even remotely what it feels like to be in the situation of the OP, or single people in their 50s who are wondering about their desire to date. She's a happily married grandmother in her 60s. Might as well have the 20-year-old sorority girls chime in too, then?