55 y.o. Female - no desire to date, what’s my problem

[Anonymous]

I'm in my 60s and haven't dated for many years. I love sex but I don't love sex, or have sex, with men I am not attracted to and have feelings for.

So I'd like to have a nice companion and some good sex but unfortunately that guy isn't coming along in my life. I can live with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you been married before?

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find this sad. Why do you find it sad if it’s not something you want, OP?

Because 55 is relatively young. I shouldn’t want to “close shop” yet. I’ve just lost all interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find this sad. Why do you find it sad if it’s not something you want, OP?

Because 55 is relatively young. I shouldn’t want to “close shop” yet. I’ve just lost all interest.

I really do not think it is young at all to have these feelings. My grandma was 50 when widowed 40 something years ago and it was normal. It still is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find this sad. Why do you find it sad if it’s not something you want, OP?

Because 55 is relatively young. I shouldn’t want to “close shop” yet. I’ve just lost all interest.

I really do not think it is young at all to have these feelings. My grandma was 50 when widowed 40 something years ago and it was normal. It still is.

Ok. But do you not want to “close up shop” or do you feel like you shouldn’t want to? You should do what you want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find this sad. Why do you find it sad if it’s not something you want, OP?

Because 55 is relatively young. I shouldn’t want to “close shop” yet. I’ve just lost all interest.

Sorry but 55 is not that young.

I say this as a 43yo woman who doesn’t feel that young either. I look fairly young and have a preschooler but I feel pretty old.

[Anonymous]

It's normal. There is this Hollywood script where the divorced older woman is a sex vixen but the reality is menopause kills remaining desire for a lot of women. You see it here with married women admitting they want zero sex with their husbands. Companionship yes but sex no. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it's not sad. I am a 51 year old woman who loves sex but dislike dating. I focus on what I like.

I’m 27. Want to get it on?

[Anonymous]

Hi. I don't think you have a problem, based on the position of not wanting to date. However, if you think this is truly a problem, perhaps some friends or a therapist can help you sort out what you want to do regarding dating, or not dating. Are you worried not wanting to date means there is something pathological going on? Like you've become an antisocial loner? Or what bothers you about this situation?

FWIW, I am 47, divorced with two teenagers, and I don't want to date either, so you aren't alone. I had a steady BF for about 5 years after my divorce, mainly for sex and for travel/outings companion. Also, I really wanted someone to celebrate holidays and birthdays with, because it felt sad to me, to be alone on those days if kids are not with me. Lately, I'm finding I'd rather only do stuff with my kids or my family, and then also be by myself. BF is not long for this world, but actually, he probably feels about the same.

Our need or desire for companionship changes over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am early 40s. I am divorced with kids. I am not seeking a life partner. I am not that interested dating. Sometimes, yes but mostly no. I have a toy if I feel like taking care of needs. I had such an unfulfilling and no-relationship marriage that I turned off my libido for a good 8 years. Men generally are just not worth my time. There are some decent ones out there but[b] I am beyond the point in which I want to make any sacrifices for any man again[b]. No thanks.

I’m 55 and feel pretty much like PP. I have been in two relationships that started off well and later turned abusive - one physically and one emotionally. The consequences of such deep trust and betrayal are so damaging - not just emotionally, but economically - that I really don’t want and can’t afford to be involved so deeply with men. I like sex, but I can please myself more conveniently and effectively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another “closing up shop” thread.

Grab a chair OP and welcome to DCUM! You will fit in quite well here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my grandfather passed away at 60 my grandmother stayed single for 30 years. She just didn’t enjoy dating and pursued her own dreams; she earned a phd, travelled the world, wrote a book. It wasn’t until she was 90 that she felt the desire for romantic companionship and began dating a younger (86) man.

Fantastic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t find this sad. Why do you find it sad if it’s not something you want, OP?

Because 55 is relatively young. I shouldn’t want to “close shop” yet. I’ve just lost all interest.

If you’ve lost all interest in everything, that’s a big problem and you should be screened for depression. If you’re leading a full and happy life and you just don’t want a romance right now, enjoy it and don’t worry about it. You can change your mind later if you want to.

[Anonymous]

We were socialized to believe that a good life included being coupled up. Many of us have come to the realization that being a couple sucks. I think perhaps 20% of my married friends are still married and happy. Most are just not happy, many are divorced a few widowed.

Very few really want to remarry.

It was not all the great even having a partner during the raising of the kids age. Men are not helpful, they become just another child and we would rather vacation with a friend and their kids.

The whole marriage thing is a sham, congrats you "won the game".

[Anonymous]

You are past your reproductive years, so there's no reason to feel compelled to put up with the bs of the mating game. It's okay to nurture other relationships in life (family, friends, co-workers, companions) without the laser focus of sex. Our society is so broken that sexual relationships are viewed as the only ones that provide fulfillment and validate a person's worth.