SIL Said My Parenting Is “ Cold”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s horrible that you let your 2 month old cry for 5 minutes at the time…. I would think the same if you did it at 4 months so to me both you and SIL are cold…

Give me a break. Most non-sleep trained babies cry for more than 5 minutes at that age.

I never let my kids cry alone at all. I go to them right away no matter what age they are. They know they can always count on me… I have no clue what you are talking about. 5 minutes is a LONG time

Haha. Okay. I didn’t sleep train until 6 months but my baby has cried for 5 minutes when I was showering or using the bathroom. You mean to tell me your kid never cried for more than a second at all? I don’t believe it.

Yep, I had a husband or nanny usually. If I didn’t, I would take the baby with me in the bathroom. My kids never cried ALONE longer than the time it took me to go to them. Of course there were times they were sick or hurt and they cried even when I held them so I am sure there have been a few occasions when they cried for 5 minutes or so. The cruelty, in my opinion, is in letting them cry ALONE and basically telling them that nobody is coming for them…. It must be horrible for these little babies and I could never do that to my kids… the end does not justify the means…

Enjoy being a slave to your kids. I hope the kid learns coping skills by the time they hit college. Your kids will have it rough. No one is going to cater to them in real life. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s horrible that you let your 2 month old cry for 5 minutes at the time…. I would think the same if you did it at 4 months so to me both you and SIL are cold…

Give me a break. Most non-sleep trained babies cry for more than 5 minutes at that age.

I never let my kids cry alone at all. I go to them right away no matter what age they are. They know they can always count on me… I have no clue what you are talking about. 5 minutes is a LONG time

What do you do in the car? Pull over?

I am not sure it ever happened, but, yes, I would. We never drove much with any of my 3 kids when little and longest drives were usually to the pediatrician office and those days I would bring my husband or nanny with me (when the kids were little).

About the naps, I have held my kids plenty of times of naps, I have slept with them, I slept on mattress next to their cribs, etc. I don’t think it matters if you hold them or not as long as they are happy. If they are not crying sleeping in their crib, then great! My kids slept in their beds and cribs plenty of times as well. I don’t understand why letting a kid sleep in his crib is “cold”…. On the other hand, letting him cry definitely is.

OP let her kid fuss for 3-5 minutes. He will be fine.

You slept on a mattress next to your kids crib? No way am I doing that. You likely having very clingy whiny kids. No way I would want that.

You won’t believe it, but quite the opposite! I have very confident and independent kids. I am very free range and my kids are much more independent than the average American kid, but they also know they can always count on me being there if they need me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to those people. I sleep trained two kids and they are fine. First at 4 months and second at 8 weeks. One is an infant and one is a toddler. Both sweet angels.

I have a SIL who never sleep trained, did co-sleeping, baby wore. Guess who is always frazzled and has clingy kids vs who is happy? Her kids are so hard to get along with because they do nothing but whine and cry every time we get together. She constantly complains how exhausted she is but refuses to do anything about it. I’m over here very happy. Whenever she gives advice or says things, I just silently laugh and nod along because I know I’m much happier than she even though she thinks what I did was barbaric and cruel.

You have a toddler and an infant. We will see how your kids behave as they grow. I’d hardly call you an expert on motherhood. How long have you been doing this —two and a half years? Take a seat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s horrible that you let your 2 month old cry for 5 minutes at the time…. I would think the same if you did it at 4 months so to me both you and SIL are cold…

Give me a break. Most non-sleep trained babies cry for more than 5 minutes at that age.

I never let my kids cry alone at all. I go to them right away no matter what age they are. They know they can always count on me… I have no clue what you are talking about. 5 minutes is a LONG time

Haha. Okay. I didn’t sleep train until 6 months but my baby has cried for 5 minutes when I was showering or using the bathroom. You mean to tell me your kid never cried for more than a second at all? I don’t believe it.

Yep, I had a husband or nanny usually. If I didn’t, I would take the baby with me in the bathroom. My kids never cried ALONE longer than the time it took me to go to them. Of course there were times they were sick or hurt and they cried even when I held them so I am sure there have been a few occasions when they cried for 5 minutes or so. The cruelty, in my opinion, is in letting them cry ALONE and basically telling them that nobody is coming for them…. It must be horrible for these little babies and I could never do that to my kids… the end does not justify the means…

Enjoy being a slave to your kids. I hope the kid learns coping skills by the time they hit college. Your kids will have it rough. No one is going to cater to them in real life. Sad.

You have it so completely wrong. Most other parents won’t believe how independent my kids are. I have heard it more than once after play dates… you guys have it completely backward

[Anonymous]

OP here. He very seldom cries. We put him down tired and he usually baby babbles or fusses for a minute and is out. He’s only cried about a handful of times and never for more than 5 minutes. Usually because he wants the pacifier. We put the pacifier back in and he’s fine and goes to sleep. We don’t leave him to cry for a long time. He will sometimes wake up and cry cuss but but it’s because only for a minute or because he wants the pacifier.

We held him for 8 weeks for all naps. He had trouble staying asleep on his own and was alway cranky because he was not getting enough sleep. He has been so much happier now that he is getting sleep and follows a routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s horrible that you let your 2 month old cry for 5 minutes at the time…. I would think the same if you did it at 4 months so to me both you and SIL are cold…

Give me a break. Most non-sleep trained babies cry for more than 5 minutes at that age.

I never let my kids cry alone at all. I go to them right away no matter what age they are. They know they can always count on me… I have no clue what you are talking about. 5 minutes is a LONG time

What do you do in the car? Pull over?

I am not sure it ever happened, but, yes, I would. We never drove much with any of my 3 kids when little and longest drives were usually to the pediatrician office and those days I would bring my husband or nanny with me (when the kids were little).

About the naps, I have held my kids plenty of times of naps, I have slept with them, I slept on mattress next to their cribs, etc. I don’t think it matters if you hold them or not as long as they are happy. If they are not crying sleeping in their crib, then great! My kids slept in their beds and cribs plenty of times as well. I don’t understand why letting a kid sleep in his crib is “cold”…. On the other hand, letting him cry definitely is.

OP let her kid fuss for 3-5 minutes. He will be fine.

You slept on a mattress next to your kids crib? No way am I doing that. You likely having very clingy whiny kids. No way I would want that.

You won’t believe it, but quite the opposite! I have very confident and independent kids. I am very free range and my kids are much more independent than the average American kid, but they also know they can always count on me being there if they need me.

You can still sleep train and be there for you kid. Just like you can formula feed and still bond with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are relaying the details? You seem to be asking in a paragraph for us to make a determination? I thought this would be about dealing w/your SIL.

It's possible -- she used 1 unfortunate word not knowing it's impact. And yet you feel victimized + humble brag. I doubt this SIL is your best barometer re: how you parent. Make more friends, friends you can trust with this type of thing.

OP here. Posters asked and I answered. You can not come to my thread if you don’t like it.

NP here. You don’t have to like that we say: you are a cold mother if you let your baby cry at 8 weeks and younger, and never hold for naps.

You don’t have to come back if you don’t like it.

SIL is right: you are cold.

OP here. My baby was held for almost nap for 8 weeks. It was miserable and on all of us and we found something that works for us. We are all happy and my baby is much more happy now that he is well rested.

You can still get off of my thread.

Backpedal/move those goalposts. You don’t like the feedback so you add details.

Cold Mommy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to those people. I sleep trained two kids and they are fine. First at 4 months and second at 8 weeks. One is an infant and one is a toddler. Both sweet angels.

I have a SIL who never sleep trained, did co-sleeping, baby wore. Guess who is always frazzled and has clingy kids vs who is happy? Her kids are so hard to get along with because they do nothing but whine and cry every time we get together. She constantly complains how exhausted she is but refuses to do anything about it. I’m over here very happy. Whenever she gives advice or says things, I just silently laugh and nod along because I know I’m much happier than she even though she thinks what I did was barbaric and cruel.

You have a toddler and an infant. We will see how your kids behave as they grow. I’d hardly call you an expert on motherhood. How long have you been doing this —two and a half years? Take a seat.

PP here. My family has sleep trained all babies for over two decades and they are all fine. Many are high achieving kids and young adults. Most of us were sleep trained. I don’t want to raise kids who can’t cope with life. Too many young “ adults” these days can’t cope with simple things. I want to raise independent kids who don’t need to be coddled. Many attachment parenting people I know have bratty kids who can’t sleep and need to breastfeed every two minutes because they are “ sad”. I will do it my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to those people. I sleep trained two kids and they are fine. First at 4 months and second at 8 weeks. One is an infant and one is a toddler. Both sweet angels.

I have a SIL who never sleep trained, did co-sleeping, baby wore. Guess who is always frazzled and has clingy kids vs who is happy? Her kids are so hard to get along with because they do nothing but whine and cry every time we get together. She constantly complains how exhausted she is but refuses to do anything about it. I’m over here very happy. Whenever she gives advice or says things, I just silently laugh and nod along because I know I’m much happier than she even though she thinks what I did was barbaric and cruel.

You have a toddler and an infant. We will see how your kids behave as they grow. I’d hardly call you an expert on motherhood. How long have you been doing this —two and a half years? Take a seat.

PP here. My family has sleep trained all babies for over two decades and they are all fine. Many are high achieving kids and young adults. Most of us were sleep trained. I don’t want to raise kids who can’t cope with life. Too many young “ adults” these days can’t cope with simple things. I want to raise independent kids who don’t need to be coddled. Many attachment parenting people I know have bratty kids who can’t sleep and need to breastfeed every two minutes because they are “ sad”. I will do it my way.

I also want what you want, but I never thought that letting my 8 week old baby cry himself to sleep would achieve that…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are relaying the details? You seem to be asking in a paragraph for us to make a determination? I thought this would be about dealing w/your SIL.

It's possible -- she used 1 unfortunate word not knowing it's impact. And yet you feel victimized + humble brag. I doubt this SIL is your best barometer re: how you parent. Make more friends, friends you can trust with this type of thing.

OP here. Posters asked and I answered. You can not come to my thread if you don’t like it.

NP here. You don’t have to like that we say: you are a cold mother if you let your baby cry at 8 weeks and younger, and never hold for naps.

You don’t have to come back if you don’t like it.

SIL is right: you are cold.

OP here. My baby was held for almost nap for 8 weeks. It was miserable and on all of us and we found something that works for us. We are all happy and my baby is much more happy now that he is well rested.

You can still get off of my thread.

Backpedal/move those goalposts. You don’t like the feedback so you add details.

Cold Mommy

Your kid is going to one of those college kids who need a “ cry closet”. Your kid will have it hard when they realize the world doesn’t revolve around them and no one cares about their feelings if they’re having a bad day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t listen to those people. I sleep trained two kids and they are fine. First at 4 months and second at 8 weeks. One is an infant and one is a toddler. Both sweet angels.

I have a SIL who never sleep trained, did co-sleeping, baby wore. Guess who is always frazzled and has clingy kids vs who is happy? Her kids are so hard to get along with because they do nothing but whine and cry every time we get together. She constantly complains how exhausted she is but refuses to do anything about it. I’m over here very happy. Whenever she gives advice or says things, I just silently laugh and nod along because I know I’m much happier than she even though she thinks what I did was barbaric and cruel.

You have a toddler and an infant. We will see how your kids behave as they grow. I’d hardly call you an expert on motherhood. How long have you been doing this —two and a half years? Take a seat.

PP here. My family has sleep trained all babies for over two decades and they are all fine. Many are high achieving kids and young adults. Most of us were sleep trained. I don’t want to raise kids who can’t cope with life. Too many young “ adults” these days can’t cope with simple things. I want to raise independent kids who don’t need to be coddled. Many attachment parenting people I know have bratty kids who can’t sleep and need to breastfeed every two minutes because they are “ sad”. I will do it my way.

I also want what you want, but I never thought that letting my 8 week old baby cry himself to sleep would achieve that…

You want it, I go it. I just put the work in and you’re still rocking your kid to sleep or putting them on the boob to fall asleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are relaying the details? You seem to be asking in a paragraph for us to make a determination? I thought this would be about dealing w/your SIL.

It's possible -- she used 1 unfortunate word not knowing it's impact. And yet you feel victimized + humble brag. I doubt this SIL is your best barometer re: how you parent. Make more friends, friends you can trust with this type of thing.

OP here. Posters asked and I answered. You can not come to my thread if you don’t like it.

NP here. You don’t have to like that we say: you are a cold mother if you let your baby cry at 8 weeks and younger, and never hold for naps.

You don’t have to come back if you don’t like it.

SIL is right: you are cold.

OP here. My baby was held for almost nap for 8 weeks. It was miserable and on all of us and we found something that works for us. We are all happy and my baby is much more happy now that he is well rested.

You can still get off of my thread.

Backpedal/move those goalposts. You don’t like the feedback so you add details.

Cold Mommy

Your kid is going to one of those college kids who need a “ cry closet”. Your kid will have it hard when they realize the world doesn’t revolve around them and no one cares about their feelings if they’re having a bad day.

+1. We are raising soft kids. I pray for the future because kids today are entitled and offended by everything. The next generation will be worse.

[Anonymous]

You’re going to have to grow a thicker skin OP. When it comes to motherhood, your SIL, parents, friends etc are all going to have something to say about every little thing. Be confident in how you are parenting and recognize there are multiple “right” ways to do things. Also realize that you will likely have to rewrite the manual for baby #2.

My only concern with your schedule is how rigid it is and I personally didn’t want to be a slave to my baby’s nap schedule- but if this works best for you then go with it. DS #1 was a super easy baby and would go with the flow. Not so much for baby #2 but I didn’t want to be confined to the house at nap times every day so there were days I’d wear him on errands or I’d drive around a bunch until he fell asleep so that I could get things done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are relaying the details? You seem to be asking in a paragraph for us to make a determination? I thought this would be about dealing w/your SIL.

It's possible -- she used 1 unfortunate word not knowing it's impact. And yet you feel victimized + humble brag. I doubt this SIL is your best barometer re: how you parent. Make more friends, friends you can trust with this type of thing.

OP here. Posters asked and I answered. You can not come to my thread if you don’t like it.

NP here. You don’t have to like that we say: you are a cold mother if you let your baby cry at 8 weeks and younger, and never hold for naps.

You don’t have to come back if you don’t like it.

SIL is right: you are cold.

OP here. My baby was held for almost nap for 8 weeks. It was miserable and on all of us and we found something that works for us. We are all happy and my baby is much more happy now that he is well rested.

You can still get off of my thread.

Backpedal/move those goalposts. You don’t like the feedback so you add details.

Cold Mommy

Your kid is going to one of those college kids who need a “ cry closet”. Your kid will have it hard when they realize the world doesn’t revolve around them and no one cares about their feelings if they’re having a bad day.

Not PP you are responding to, but Why do you say this? Why do you tell this mom she will have failed her kids? Why do you stoop to this level? Did PP say your kid will be depressed, will never know how to love and will never want anything to do with you?

I don’t think so… why do you bring this up? Why all sleep training people do this? I don’t see the anti sleep training people doing the same at all

[Anonymous]

OP 8 weeks is very young for CIO and isn’t recommended. So yeah, I get why she called you cold. You also seem to think your baby is a good sleeper because of all of this scheduling… but actually you probably lucked out.

You are entitled to parent in the way you choose, but there is a big difference in sleep training at 8 weeks and at 4-6 months as recommended. People may go yikes about that bc it’s not good parenting. There is nothing wrong with routines, but CIO is not appropriate for a newborn. I am shocked that you think it’s okay?