This is kind of a weird question and trigger, there is an OW component

[Anonymous]

Op, you never gave us your back story. What happened to get you to this place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone knows men don't actually care for their OW.

Meh. Men compartmentalize. They can feel like they love someone but it doesn’t translate into the practical day to day arrangements that would make that person feel good, unless social norms dictate that they provide it and they will dutifully do so without thinking. The key part is without thinking. Men don’t think. They do. I guarantee OP’s guy didn’t think about how this would make her feel.

I can guarantee you the only things this man thought about in regards to OP were easy sex and an ego stroke when his wife was dealing with their kids and all the other adult stuff that comes with being married and a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you never gave us your back story. What happened to get you to this place?

Thank you for asking, it is 100% relevant but not something I would disclose to this group. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

You’re a really crappy person. Leave him alone and get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are entitled to end this relationship; you don’t need anyone’s approval. This man and this relationship are no good for you.

I’m sure people will flame you for being the OW. They will flame you for keeping up the emotional component of the affair, and for having the audacity to want to communicate with this guy while he and his family were dealing with his acute health issues. They might also flame you for writing in an extra long block paragraph. Your desperation comes through, and I feel for you. Dump this guy once and for all and improve your life. Become the version of yourself you aspire to be. You will never get there with this guy hanging over you.

This is such an amazing encapsulation of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was never dying. He just wanted a reason to get you to stop being a Stage 4 clinger.

This is one of the myriad of reasons why married people should not have affairs. There are so many unstable people out there like OP. They live in fantasy land and read something into nothing. They just can’t accept that they ultimately meant nothing. Tough pill to swallow. To know you were duped.

Okay I will let his Surgeon and ICU team know you think they were imaginary. I'm sure the enormous scars are also just makeup.

It's not hard to google names of surgeons or pictures., OP. The bottom line real or not this man does not want you in his life in any real way. At the best, you are his dirty little secret. You are of zero value to him. Stop communicating with him and get therapy.

TBH you sound crazier than the OP with your "fake illness" conspiracy theory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was never dying. He just wanted a reason to get you to stop being a Stage 4 clinger.

This is one of the myriad of reasons why married people should not have affairs. There are so many unstable people out there like OP. They live in fantasy land and read something into nothing. They just can’t accept that they ultimately meant nothing. Tough pill to swallow. To know you were duped.

Okay I will let his Surgeon and ICU team know you think they were imaginary. I'm sure the enormous scars are also just makeup.

It's not hard to google names of surgeons or pictures., OP. The bottom line real or not this man does not want you in his life in any real way. At the best, you are his dirty little secret. You are of zero value to him. Stop communicating with him and get therapy.

TBH you sound crazier than the OP with your "fake illness" conspiracy theory.

Np. I totally disagree. The OP is talking about “enormous scars” on a man she hasn’t seen or spoken to in years. It’s super creepy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you never gave us your back story. What happened to get you to this place?

Thank you for asking, it is 100% relevant but not something I would disclose to this group. Sorry.

This is an anonymous forum so you wouldn’t be disclosing anything… only providing “relevant” context to the strangers on here who you presumably are looking for advice from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had this happen, was still intimate with her AP, when he had a heart attack. She had to hear through 3rd parties that he died. She was bereft and completely cut off.

She had no other relationships with even women friends because no one approved of this long term affair. She has no other family. She built her whole world around him. He acted as if she was his partner. But at the end of the day she didn't even have a way to find out what happened to him other than dig around.

I really don't understand how women can put themselves in this position.

Ouch.

This happened to a friend of mine. Her long term AP died, and she asked me to attend the funeral in her place. I did it to help her, but it was awful, and I found it pathetic at the time, though now I wish I had been more empathetic about the bird position she put herself in but I didn't really get at the time how isolating it must have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone knows men don't actually care for their OW.

Deep down even they know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman who had this happen, was still intimate with her AP, when he had a heart attack. She had to hear through 3rd parties that he died. She was bereft and completely cut off.

She had no other relationships with even women friends because no one approved of this long term affair. She has no other family. She built her whole world around him. He acted as if she was his partner. But at the end of the day she didn't even have a way to find out what happened to him other than dig around.

I really don't understand how women can put themselves in this position.

Ouch.

This happened to a friend of mine. Her long term AP died, and she asked me to attend the funeral in her place. I did it to help her, but it was awful, and I found it pathetic at the time, though now I wish I had been more empathetic about the bird position she put herself in but I didn't really get at the time how isolating it must have been.

^weird not bird. lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was never dying. He just wanted a reason to get you to stop being a Stage 4 clinger.

This is one of the myriad of reasons why married people should not have affairs. There are so many unstable people out there like OP. They live in fantasy land and read something into nothing. They just can’t accept that they ultimately meant nothing. Tough pill to swallow. To know you were duped.

Okay I will let his Surgeon and ICU team know you think they were imaginary. I'm sure the enormous scars are also just makeup.

It's not hard to google names of surgeons or pictures., OP. The bottom line real or not this man does not want you in his life in any real way. At the best, you are his dirty little secret. You are of zero value to him. Stop communicating with him and get therapy.

TBH you sound crazier than the OP with your "fake illness" conspiracy theory.

You are responding to at least 2 different people, and it may sound crazy to you, but it's really not that hard to fake an illness, especially if you think it might get someone to finally leave you alone, and you haven't seen this person in years. OP and the guy are pathetic people. I totally see a pathetic person faking an illness and another pathetic person believing it, but it really doesn't matter if the illness was fake or real.


What matters is OP needs to move the hell on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re a really crappy person. Leave him alone and get therapy.

Very self-serving, selfish. Still. Cheaters are only thinking of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you never gave us your back story. What happened to get you to this place?

Thank you for asking, it is 100% relevant but not something I would disclose to this group. Sorry.

That’s fine I sympathize. I have many friends who got bamboozled by a man.

Seriously get therapy I’m not joking you can have a great life you can forget this user of a loser. You will look back on this time as a horrible mistake and you will see him in a clear light.

You deserve a good life and he has enabled you to waste years on a dead end road and never gave 2 sh!ts about how it’s left you lost and alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you never gave us your back story. What happened to get you to this place?

Thank you for asking, it is 100% relevant but not something I would disclose to this group. Sorry.

This is an anonymous forum so you wouldn’t be disclosing anything… only providing “relevant” context to the strangers on here who you presumably are looking for advice from?

I am not prepared to address the responses it would generate, sorry. It is too private even for here.